Shiro to Kuro Kusei no naka de
by Shinigami Yumi
Summary: Shounen ai, Hikaru x Akira. Angst and romance with a touch of humour. Akira gets run down by a car and wakes up with amnesia. Some time later, he remembers the past but another tragedy threatens to take him away forever. Will love find a way?
1. Default Chapter

Shiro to Kuro ~Kusei no naka de  
  
Disclaimer: I _don't_ own Hikaru no Go, okay? (But I think that's  
obvious.) Anyway, this disclaimer applies to the rest of the fic. You know  
what? I'm suffering from bankruptcy here, so don't sue me 'coz it won't do  
you any good.  
  
Prologue - Of Landslides, Toads, and Something White  
  
(Sai and Yumi enter a brightly lit space with a blue backdrop. Yumi waves  
then spreads her black wings and flies up to hover in the air above Sai.)  
  
Sai : Hello everyone! (Waves happily in chibi form) I'm Sai! Remember me?  
The Heian  
  
Dynasty Go master who stays in a Goban for 1000 years? You know, the  
one that Hikaru meets and then...  
Yumi: Yes, Sai-chan, we know...  
Sai : Well, I'm really happy I met Hikaru and after we met we played lots  
of Go and  
Hikaru took me to lots of places and we had so much FUN!  
Yumi: Sai-chan... Introduce the story... not yourself, please.  
Sai : Datte! Watashi...  
Yumi: (Smiles sweetly and whistles. Yumi's twice as evil twin sister, Yuki,  
flies in with a  
large glass box full of toads.) Yuki-chan, would you please let these  
cute little creatures out? (Sugary sweet voice)  
Yuki : Certainly, Yumi-chan. (Even more sugary sweeter voice)  
Yumi: No, no. Not there... A little closer to something white, now, will  
you?  
Yuki : My pleasure, sister... (Flies closer to said something white)  
Sai : Alright! Alright! (Backs away from the advancing Yuki) I'll be  
good!!  
Yuki : (Pauses) Hm... I wonder in what way, ne? (Eyes glint evilly)  
Yumi: Now, now... Yuki, dear. We shouldn't corrupt the audience's innocent  
ears with such  
talk, now, should we? (Smirks slightly)  
Yuki : No, no. Of course not. (Evil smirk falls in place)  
Yumi: Glad you agree with me, Yuki-chan. Anyway now, Sai, back to you.  
Sai : Well... Phew... For a moment there I thought they were going to  
lock me up  
somewhere where Go didn't exist!  
Yuki : Oh, we would never do something like that! Would we, Yumi-chan?  
(Looks at Yumi)  
Yumi: Of course not. We'd just make said something white play Go with a  
giant  
toad everyday for a thousand years that's all. (Nonchalant smile)  
Yuki : Or a few giant toads, perhaps? (Snickers wickedly)  
Yumi: Whatever you like, dear, whatever you like...  
Sai : (Wipes away cold sweat) Well... About the story... Well, it takes  
place approximately  
nine months after the Hokuto Tournament. Life is going on pleasantly  
with Touya Akira 6-dan and Hikaru 5-dan doing the usual play Go -  
discuss - argue - leave the vicinity routine regularly enough to be  
considered on schedule. Then fate does this really sick twist: Akira  
gets into an accident and Hikaru's life just falls to pieces...  
Yumi: Yeah... Well, I'm afraid of changing 'cause I built my life  
around you... (sings 'Landslide' by the Dixie Chicks while Yuki plays  
the violin and sings along)  
Sai : Yeah, Hikaru's life literally falls apart. By the way, (voice  
drops to a whisper) don't let those lovely voices fool you... They only  
serve to mask their evil souls and black hearts.  
Y & Y: You know... Sai-chan... We have really good ears too...  
Sai : (Shudders) Err... I didn't say anything bad, right? (Looks  
hopefully at the audience to no avail. He isn't getting an audible  
answer)  
Yumi: Well, I don't know... What do you think, Yuki-chan? Anyway, (bows)  
enjoy the fic!  
Yuki : Well, I guess Sai and I can just have some fun with the Goban  
meanwhile.  
Sai : (Resists the urge to do an evanescence) Err... O-tanoshimimasu!!  
(Gets dark, nothing can be seen. Someone draws a curtain when things get...  
a little out of hand and all we know is that some suspicious noises are  
travelling to our ears...)  
  
... To Be Continued. 


	2. Genesis A Twist of Fate

Chapter 1: Genesis ~Twist of Fate~  
  
"Arimasen."  
  
I look up at my opponent. The 6-dan brunette looks ready to fall to pieces. I sigh, picking up my fan from where it rests on the tatami floor at my side. "Arigatou gozaimashita." I bow in accompaniment to my words and barely hear his reply as he quickly stands and hurries out.  
  
The all too familiar Go cliché. Sai was right; Go was just about the same a thousand years ago and is still gonna be the same a thousand years from now when they play it on spaceships in Pluto. Yeah well, it's still the same now and that probably won't change anytime soon... except now there's Touya. _Nothing_ beats playing with Touya, not even the prospect of playing a title-holder. Actually, the prospect of playing Ogata Jyudan for any reason -and that includes challenging the Jyudan title- doesn't appeal to me in the very least; truth be told, the guy looks like a sex maniac and his unusual interest in associating with minors -that is, if his interests are even restricted to minors anyway- does nothing to salvage my opinion of him.  
I stand and stretch. That has had to be the week's most unsatisfactory game so far. Really, he pales in comparison to Waya who's still a 3-dan. Time for a cheer-up-game then. Touya's here somewhere, I wonder if he's done with his game. I rake my eyes over the room in search of my rival... there, in a corner, found him. Touya bows even as my eyes fall on his lean figure. He's a 6-dan now; I'm still at 5-dan. We'd still be two dans apart if my not-too-recent row of straight wins didn't get me promoted before he did. Perhaps he feels my gaze on him, for he looks up in my direction. Our eyes lock as I meet his emerald green gaze. I gather from that dissatisfied look in his eyes that he didn't think too highly of his opponent and the day's game either.  
He stands and we make our way out the room. I join him at the result board where we take turns writing the exact same words: Win by resignation. We grab our shoes and walk to the elevators where I take the liberty of jabbing the button. I don't really have to ask where we are headed; the only place Waya's 'green-haired Go prince' would take his rival was a Go salon or anywhere else where they could play Go. Well, his father's Go salon in this case, to be more specific. We're probably going to play, then we're going to discuss the game, then he's going to start a really stupid argument, and then I'm going to leave; that's what happens _every_ time we play anyway. I glance at Touya's hair at the thought as we walk into the lift. Green... Well, it did have green highlights but on a whole... Well, it always looked dark smoky, silver-gray to me. We walk out and exit the Go Institute. Touya immediately turns and walks down the sidewalk towards the subway station.  
  
"Uh... Touya." He turns and fixes me with this really fierce stare that almost makes me change my mind about what I was about to suggest. Truth is, I'm hungry and it's about dinnertime and I'd really like a bowl of ramen right now... But the look he's giving me is almost enough to kill my appetite. Almost.  
  
He seems to realize that he's freaking me out, because his eyes soften slowly and when he finally speaks his voice is calm. "Yes?"  
  
"Is something wrong?" Surely he couldn't be mad about winning a game, could he? I look uncertainly at him. The last rays of the setting mid-autumn sun compliment his sunset-coloured polo shirt and beige khakis. This outfit brings back memories of the last time I saw him wearing it. We were outside the cyber café, the sun was setting just like it is now. Back then, in his disappointment, he had promised that he would never appear before me again. In the end, he never kept that promise; but somehow, I'm really glad he didn't. The fading daylight brings out the green highlights in his hair and seems to give his slightly pale complexion a serene glow. Add that to the sudden softness in his eyes and he doesn't seem like the Touya Akira I know.  
  
His eyes widen slightly, perhaps from the concern I hear in my own voice. He recovers quickly, though, and averts his gaze slightly. "Ah... Iya, betsu ni."  
  
I smile with relief, pushing my doubts about his reply aside. "Ja... Ore... Hara heta na. Ramen tabemashou ka? [1]" I indicate the restaurant across the road.  
  
"Hara heta na. Ramen tabemashou ka?"  
  
I stare, no, gape at the enigma that is Shindou Hikaru. Here I am, wanting desperately to play at least one satisfactory game in a day and he's hungry?! Now?! Well, to be fair, it _is_ almost dinnertime and he's human after all, so he does have a right to be hungry... Ah, well... I guess there is time for a bowl of ramen. I glance in the direction he's pointing at and sigh. He's giving me that sunny smile I saw when I first met him in the Go salon and have almost never seen since. Well, considering the level of our relationship, that wouldn't be surprising. Ishikawa-san's words from a few days back when I told her about the whole Shindou Mystery and my obsession with finding the truth about him and Sai float back to me: "Perhaps if you tried treating him more as a friend than as a key to some door in this invisible wall that you need to get past, he'd be more revealing," she had said. Well, I guess she's right; after all, why would anyone want to share his or her secret with someone who was only interested in self-satisfaction? I sigh again. That sunny smile makes it so hard to refuse that blatantly hopeful innocent request.  
  
"Touya?" he asks again, a small measure of the concern from a moment ago returning to lace his voice.  
  
I realize that I've been lost in thought for quite a while now and smile apologetically without thinking. I relent. "Fine, just... Make it quick," I mutter, starting across the empty road.  
  
He hesitates for a moment before grinning, another expression that I don't see very often and is never directed at me. Well, I've never given him a reason to direct it at me anyway, so I shouldn't complain. And it's not as if it matters; as long as he plays Go with that strength I find so captivating, it is enough, that is all I need. He dashes across after me and we enter the restaurant together. I lead him over to a table in the corner and we sit opposite each other. I glance over at the menu and decide on the one with garlic and pork chops in just under a minute.  
  
"Ne, Touya... What would you like?" he asks cheerfully.  
  
"Uh..." I'm too stunned by his sudden genki overdrive to even come up with an answer. "Garlic and pork chops..." I manage at last.  
  
His eyes widen and he raises his eyebrows before grinning. "TWO GARLIC AND PORK CHOP RAMENS HERE, PLEASE!!" I cringe inwardly as he shouts our orders at the top of his very loud voice.  
  
"HAI!!" comes the equally loud reply.  
  
I take it that I'm either too accustomed to Go culture or this ramen culture is completely foreign to me. The noodles arrive with two cups of hot tea in less than five minutes and Shindou cheerfully chirps an 'itadakimasu' before stuffing his mouth with it. I somehow believe that he's happier right now than when he heard about his dan promotion. I start eating mine since it tastes better hot and decide that it was pretty good for something that Shindou Hikaru liked. I've always been of the opinion that he had weird tastes anyway. I look up at the blissful visage before me.  
  
"You really like ramen, don't you?" I say at last.  
  
"Yup!" he enthuses between mouthfuls. "And Touya likes my favourite kind too!"  
  
"Ah... Sonna... Betsu ni," I reply quietly and continue eating.  
  
He seems so grown up across the Goban when he places the pieces with that look of intense concentration or when he's discussing the game with that air of attentive interest, but now... Well, he looks... so young, almost like the child I met little more than three and a half years ago. Once again, I contemplate the awful level of our relationship so far. I've known Shindou for three and a half years and I've only just discovered today that he likes ramen. We must hold the world record for being the world's most unacquainted acquaintances. He orders another bowl before I'm even half done with mine and cheerfully downs the rest of his. Okay, so Shindou Hikaru doesn't just like ramen; he's crazy about it. Even to say that he loved it would be an understatement. We finally finish our dinner and I don't know why I let him convince me into having dessert. Five minutes later, I'm sitting here with this large bowl of green tea ice cream in front of me, staring as he shovels a spoonful from his even larger bowl of honeydew ice cream into his mouth. He sighs contentedly before speaking.  
  
"Ne, Touya..."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"We finally made it to the Honinbou league together."  
  
I don't answer. If he's going to make another one of his ignorantly obnoxious comments, I wouldn't want to have encouraged it.  
  
"The Meijin preliminaries start next month," he continues. "I'm assuming that we'll be going for it together?"  
  
If he's going to mention every upcoming title prelim... "Yes. I don't know about you but I'll be going for the Jyudan prelims in November and the Gosei prelims in December and the Tengen, Kisei, and Ouza prelims next year and..."  
  
"Tomorrow's my birthday."  
  
Okay, so he does have crap for manners but I've never seen anyone else jump topics so quickly and irrelevantly before. "Right, September 20. So?"  
  
"The Hokuto Tournament's in three months time."  
  
"Yes, I heard it's scheduled for December 14." I don't get the connection. This conversation is so pointless, pointless, pointless...  
  
"Isn't that _your_ birthday, if I'm not mistaken?"  
  
"Yes." Pointless, pointless, pointless... There is only so much I can take of this.  
  
"I wonder if we'll make it to the Tengen league."  
  
That's it; my patience just snaps apart like a pencil that's been bent too far. "Would you just stop doing that?!" I don't even realize that I've stood up and slammed my hands to the table until my chair falls over backwards and my nerves send the pain signals from my palms to my brain.  
  
He looks up innocently at me, eyes wide with surprise and confusion and proceeds to hold up his ice cream spoon. "You mean eating?"  
  
I slide my eyes shut in an attempt to control my temper. "Shindou, I have been waiting the entire day to play at least one decent game and you are making me wait even longer while completely wasting my time with this hopelessly pointless conversation that's not making sense and going nowhere. So just shut up, finish that and leave!" I actually manage to not shout the words.  
  
There is a flash of some emotion in his eyes that he hides by looking away to finish his ice cream before I can recognize it. He finishes it in two minutes flat, stands, walks to the counter and pays for both of us. "Ikou, Touya," he says quietly before walking out.  
  
I walk out right after him and we walk towards the subway station. "How much was it? I'll pay for my share." I don't want him buying me dinner, seeing as I never bought him dinner and the chances of us ever dining together in the future is next to zero. He's the last person I'd like to owe anything to.  
  
"Iya. I'm sorry for wasting your time... Just... take that as... my apology."  
  
So that's what it was: hurt. Well, it's not like it's my fault he was testing my patience and it's not like I really care. 'Well, perhaps if you tried treating him more as a friend'... Ishikawa-san's words float back to me again. Oh, what the hell. "Shindou."  
  
He turns. "Hm?"  
  
"I... Well, I shouldn't have shouted at you either... So..."  
  
Damn, not that sunny smile again. "Nah... it's my birthday tomorrow anyway. Just forget it. Oh, the Go salon's probably closing now..."  
  
And it's all your fault, Shindou, all the fault of you and your ramen craze; now we don't get to play. Great, just great. I have to keep myself from screaming at him again.  
  
"What about my house? The Goban's in my room and 'kaasan won't disturb when it's about Go, so... why don't we play there? It's just another station away from the Go Salon stop."  
  
Well, it didn't sound like such a bad idea really. I've certainly never been to his house anyway and he's already been to mine. And my house _is_ much further than his if I take for granted that his sense of distance and direction is accurate this time around; after all, he did get lost on the way to my house even when I gave him a map. "Well, alright," I agree at last, pushing my doubts aside for once.  
  
He grins. "Okay! Let's go!" The road is completely devoid of vehicles as he steps on to the asphalt and turns to face me, still grinning, with his hands behind his back. "Ja... Touya, 'kaasan just made her specialty honeydew jelly this morning; you've got to try it. I'll make sure you get a huge bowl tonight!" he announces cheerfully.  
  
Just then, a car comes screeching around the nearest corner at what must be a hundred and forty miles per hour. My lifelong rival is standing right in the middle of the road and the car is not going to be able to stop in time. I shout his name and he turns to see the silver Lexus hurtling towards him with the velocity of an F1 Grand Prix driver. I watch his eyes widen before he somehow lands on the opposite side of the road an instant before white-hot pain sears through my body and I find myself flying. A second blast of that burning pain sears through my system and I have just enough time to glimpse the horrified confusion in his eyes before darkness overwhelms me and I fall into blissful oblivion.  
  
Tasuketa'n da. Touya wa... ore wo tasuketa'n da [2]. Touya Akira... just... saved... my life. My rival is lying motionless on the dark asphalt about seven metres away. I feel numb as I slowly walk towards him. My heart feels like it's stopped beating... no, it feels like it's not there... like... it's gone. There is a strange emptiness in my chest, a void... It's like some part of me just vanished into thin air, never to return. The car hit him; the impact sent him flying approximately seven metres before hitting the ground with a loud thud. It should have been me. That should have been _me_. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN _ME_. The strength drains from my legs and I fall to my knees beside him. A few locks of his smoky silver- gray hair covers part of his face. His eyes are shut as if he were sleeping and the streetlights give his form an ethereal glow.  
  
"Naze... Naze tasuketa no, omae? [3]" My voice falls to a whisper. "Touya no baka..." I reach out to brush those obscuring locks of smoky silver-gray away. "Naze ore wo tasuketa no ka?! Touya no baka!!" I scream at his still figure. The tears were already flowing down my cheeks before I even noticed that I was crying. "Ore no sei da... Subete wa ore no sei da!! [4]" I fiercely wipe away the tears with the back of my hand before reaching out, this time with both hands, to gently lift and tug his body closer to cradle him against my chest. He's still breathing... but for how long? I press my nose to his temple lightly. "Stay with me, Touya... stay with me..." I murmur, the tears flowing unhindered now. "Ne, the Hokuto Tournament's in three months... You promised we'd win this year!! Don't you want to play more Go?! We've finally got to the Honinbou league together! The Meijin prelims start next month! You've always wanted the title! How can you just... go?! I'm coming after you, Touya... You can't leave before I even get there!!" I squeeze my eyes shut. God... He was always waiting for me. Always... Perhaps I should've hurried up, should've tried harder. We should at least be at the same dan.  
  
It should have been me. I made him wait. It never occurred to me that he might go too. Disappear like Sai. Just like Sai. Gone, gone, gone... What if he doesn't come back? I found Sai in my games... where will I find Touya?! Touya... you can't leave... Ikecha dame!!  
  
"We said we'd reach the Hand of God together! That's what you've always wanted, right?!" I open my eyes to look at his serene face. Damn you, Touya... You're such an idiot, you know that? "Touya... We're still so far away from that... Dakara ikecha dame!! You promised we'd win the Hokuto Tournament this year!! We were supposed to do that together, right? So... You can't just leave me now... I want you to see me as Shindou Honinbou! I said I'd win the title! You said you'd make sure that it doesn't happen! How can just lie there and let me take the crown?! Touya, wake up!!" He can't hear me... Just like it was when Sai defeated him... he still can't... hear... me. "Naa... Touya, remember I said I'd tell you everything someday? Don't you want to know the truth? Don't you want to know about Sai? I still haven't told you, Touya... Can you really let it go? Can you really leave without knowing? Ikecha dame da, omae... Ikecha dame da!!!" I bury my face in those smoky silver-gray locks and inhale the familiar scent of his cologne, a scent that I might never smell again. "You can't leave me, Touya... not yet. Please... stay, Touya... Stay with me," I murmur.  
  
* * *  
  
"What happened?"  
  
I look up as an extremely frantic female voice shatters the silence of the corridor outside the emergency room where I've been waiting for what feels like an aeon for the doctor to come out and tell me that Touya's alright. Ishikawa-san from the Go Salon, Touya Koyo, and Touya Akiko walk towards me looking very worried. Well, for Ishikawa-san and Touya's mom, that's an understatement. All the colour seemed to have drained out of their faces and their complexions are pale and ghastly, comparable to the whitewash on the wall before me. Only Touya's dad seems to have a grip on himself and I'm of the opinion that that's what several decades of Go does to a person. I think my eyes are dry and puffy, like the exterior of a pau that's been exposed to winter air for too long. I've just discovered that it _was_ possible to run out of tears. I've been crying continuously for at least an hour and my soul's a desert. I spent the rest of the time trying to convince myself that Touya will be alright... but I know in my desiccated heart that the chances of that are slim.  
  
"Shindou-kun, what happened?" Ishikawa-san repeats her question, this time in a more level voice.  
  
I bury my face in my hands. My voice is choked and shaky when I speak. "I... S-Subete wa o-ore no sei da... Ore no sei da... Go Kaijou e sugu itta dake nara... Ore wa ramen ga tada tabetakunakereba... Ore... tada... inai nara... inakereba... [5]"  
  
"Look, I believe in Akira-kun. He's going to be alright. Now, quit blaming yourself and tell me what happened."  
  
I don't have to look up to know that she's saying that with a lot more conviction than she really feels. I can hear Touya's mom sobbing hysterically into her husband's shoulder. You see that, Touya? You can't just leave now, you idiot! I resist the urge to just run into the ER and scream at him until he wakes up. "I... It was just a-after dinner... A- Aitsu wa... G-Go wo uchitai... [6] The Go Salon would have closed by then, so... we decided to go to my house instead. Then... I..." I clench my fists while keeping them on my face and grit my teeth in an effort to still the shudders threatening to rack my body with my parched sobs. "I... was... c-c- crossing the r-road... a-and... t-this car s-suddenly comes out from around the corner... r-really fast a-and... I... w-was right in the middle of the road... T-Touya screamed my name... a-and then... he... He... p-pushed me o- out of the way... A-And t-the car... I-It... hit him instead..." I somehow manage to choke the words out. I look up at them. "It's all my fault! It should have been _me_! _I_ should be in there! He... He's in there because of me! Ore... Ore wo... tasukeru tame ni... Konna ni... natta..." I bury my face in my hands again.  
  
"So, you're saying that Akira got run down by a car to save you?" Touya Koyo asks, speaking for the first time since he arrived.  
  
I nod without looking up.  
  
"Akira-kun ga kawatta 'n desu," Ishikawa-san says quietly.  
  
"Aitsu... Tada... Go wo uchitai... Tada... Aitsu to Go wo utsu nara... Go Kaijou e sugu itta nara... Sou nara... Kono unmei kara... nigete dekinai mo... Sore dake de... Sore dake de... Aitsu... kitto chotto ureshikatta... [7]" I lose control and break into a sobbing fit. There is a long moment of silence between us, broken only by Touya's mom's hysterical sobs and my choked ones; Ishikawa-san's silent tears are not helping either.  
  
A door opens. "Touya Akira," a voice says flatly.  
  
I'm on the doctor in a flash. "Touya... How is he?" I demand frantically. I know I look half-crazed, what with my bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face, but I'm in no situation to care.  
  
"He..." The doctor narrows his eyes at me. "Who are you?"  
  
"I..."  
  
"I'm his father." I look up at the former Meijin as he approaches. He glances at me. "But the kid has a right to know too."  
  
I offer Touya-sensei a grateful look before looking back up at the doctor who pushes his glasses up on his nose and tucks a stray lock of his jet- black hair behind his ear. "Well, the boy's life isn't in any danger. However, he suffered a rather serious concussion. So, I dare say you'd best be prepared." He says it like he's reading a phrase right out of the dictionary, in a detached monotone.  
  
Somehow, I don't think I'm going to like the meaning of that but ignorance doesn't change the truth and I _need_ to know; I steel myself. "Are 'tte dou iu imi? [8]"  
  
He turns to me with a look on his face that I do not find reassuring in the least. "He might never wake up. He's in ward 713; you can go see him."  
  
I feel my knees turn to jelly and I drop to the floor. Touya-sensei just slides his eyes shut. I vaguely hear Touya's mom wailing in despair and Ishikawa-san weeping uncontrollably; they seem so far away. Touya... What do you mean you might never wake up? You promised we'd win the Hokuto tournament this year! We need you there, Touya. You can't just sleep! I'm going to be the next Meijin, the next Honinbou, the next Ouza, the next every-title-holder! Are you just going to lie there and let me take them all?! What about the Hand of God? Touya, you're still so far away from it. How do you expect to attain it by just lying there?! If it's something you can just give up on, why were you even interested in the first place?! You always insisted on only walking forward... Can you really bear to stay still like this?  
After what seems like an eternity, I finally find the strength to stand and almost blindly make my way to ward 713. I enter and sink into a chair at my rival's bedside. The heart monitor's steady beep is the only respite in the ward's thanatoid silence. He still looks as if he were just asleep; his face is peaceful and serene and his breathing is even and deep. Only the oxygen mask, the bandages left by the surgery, and the IV tubes all over his body seem out of place.  
Touya... I reach out to stroke his fingers and fail to look up as his parents and Ishikawa-san enter. Those fingers with perfectly manicured nails; fingers that always looked so elegant as they placed Go stones on the Goban's polished surface, fingers that might never place anything anywhere again. The Hand of God... Touya, if you can just forget about it like that, why desire it so earnestly to begin with? I reach out to finger what is left of his smoky silver-gray hair. You know what, Touya? Damn you, you've got a really warped idea of a birthday present.  
  
Glossary: [1] I'm hungry. Let's eat ramen.  
  
[2]He saved me. Touya saved me  
  
[3] Why did you save me?  
  
[4] It's my fault. Everything is my fault.  
  
[5] .Everything is my fault. My fault. If I went to the Go salon immediately. If I didn't eat ramen. If I .wasn't there.  
  
[6] He wanted to play Go  
  
[7] He just wanted to play Go. If I played Go with him. Went immediately to the Go salon. Then, even if he can't escape this fate. he. he would have surely been glad.  
  
[8] What do you mean by that?  
  
Uh, sorry!!! I'm uploading this fic for a friend. and I kinda forgot about the glossary. Gomen nasai!!! It's not Yumi's fault. 


	3. An Innocent Mind

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the late update. I heard my Japanese was  
weird...? I've spoken to a number of Japanese and they don't seem to  
have much of a problem understanding my speech. Maybe the way I type it,  
darou? Anyway, enjoy and please r & r! This is where _my_ fun begins...  
  
Chapter 2: An Innocent Mind  
  
Narrator: (In an extremely familiar voice) A month passes by...  
Akira remains in a coma. Hikaru arranges for all his games to be  
played in the hospital and rarely leaves Akira's side. He eventually  
brought his Goban to the hospital, practicing kifu or reading manga  
to pass time. He rarely returned home, even spending his nights in  
the hospital. He soon rose to 6-dan and ascended the Honinbou  
league. Yet, still his rival remained asleep. Hikaru slowly begins  
to lose hope.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
The three-quarter moon can be seen clearly from where I stand enjoying the cool night air at the window of Touya's ward. The last leaves fall from the sakura trees outside as autumn draws to a close and winter's chilling breath caresses the bare branches of the trees. Soon her cold white arms will embrace the earth and blanket the fields. Well, no more outdoor games like baseball during P.E. then. Speaking of P.E., I haven't been to school in a really long time. I turn to glance at the calendar on the wall across the room; 21st October... Tuesday. I almost miss my days in the Go club at Haze; they were fun. Beating Akari with a 25-stone handicap, dragging Mitani into the club, watching the club grow, training and practicing for the team tournaments at Kaiou... I sigh; those were pleasant times.  
Kaiou... I shift my gaze to where my rival lies motionless on the bed. Kaiou, the team tournaments, being third captain... I walk over to him and sink into the chair at his bedside. Touya... I reach out to take his hand in mine; it is warm, alive. I let my gaze travel up his body. They removed the bandages and the oxygen mask a week ago. My lifelong rival's visage is calm, serene, and peaceful as if he were merely asleep and dreaming pleasant dreams. His breathing is deep and even, his eyes closed gently as if with total relaxation. My gaze shifts to rest on his fingers. His nails are long now, untrimmed due to the lack of necessity. It's been a month, an entire month since those nails scraped against Go stones, 31 days since I watched those slender fingers elegantly place stones on the Goban with expert precision, 31 days since I saw that mesmerising intensity in those fiery emerald orbs. I caress his hand sadly.  
  
"Touya..." I whisper his name, my voice tinged with all the regret and sorrow I have harboured throughout the month. I squeeze his hand. "Can you hear me? It's me, Hikaru. I'm at 6-dan now, like you. I've been practicing everyday to improve my skills and grow stronger so I can surpass you. I'm waiting for you, Touya." I smile sadly. "You know, when you joined the Kaiou Go club and those bastards or bitches -whichever they were- bullied you? When I found out, my first impulse was to find them, clasp my hands around their throats and strangle the life out of them." I actually manage a soft chuckle.  
  
"I was so totally outraged, you know?" I shake my head sadly. "I'm sorry I disappointed you, Touya..." My vision blurs. "I'm sorry you went through all that for nothing, sorry I made you wait for me..." I press the back of his hand to my cheek even as a teardrop rolls down. "I was selfish, Touya; all I thought about was that I wanted to play, that I wanted to know the difference in our strength. I never did consider your feelings, neither did I consider Sai's. Did you ever forgive me for that, Touya? You know, I actually _miss_ our arguments. Funny, isn't it, how we end up missing even the things we hated most? All those silly quarrels... Imagine squabbling over something as petty as how many times we said 'Oh, I see'! It just seems so stupid when I look back." I laugh quietly despite my tears.  
  
"It's been a month, Touya... Thirty-one days since you started lying there with that thanatoid stillness... Seven hundred and forty-four hours that I've waited for you. Touya... Will you really stay this way forever? Can you just give up on Go like that? Just forget about the Hand of God? I'm losing hope, Touya... Can you really just let go?" I bury my face in his arm. "The Hokuto tournament, Touya... You promised we'd win it together this year... Please, Touya... Wake up, open your eyes..." I feel sleep calling me through my sobbing. I feel tired, so tired... "I want... to play... with you... again." I murmur before my mind shuts down completely.  
  
~Akira~  
  
Geez, why does it have to be so bright? Hmm... Feels like I've been asleep for a really long time. I crack open my eyes to glare balefully at the window. The curtains are... Wait, this isn't my room; it isn't even home... The windows at home are... Hold it, how do they look like anyway? I... can't... remember... I lift a hand to my temples. What's the date today? Could they have renovated... no, this is a hospital. A hospital? What happened? Why am I here? How long have I been asleep? Has my birthday passed? Wait, when is my birthday... how old am I? I'm... I... Who am I? Oh God... I raise my other hand and hold my head as an ear-splitting headache sears through my brain. Why can't I remember anything?  
My body feels stiff and heavy as I struggle to sit up. My gaze lands on my reflection in the mirror before me. Silver-gray chin-length hair, sharp nose, long lashes, and shining emerald eyes... I reach up to touch my cheek. My fingers are long and slender, my nails too long. Too long... for what? They aren't really long but somehow, it just feels like they should be shorter; maybe I play piano or something. My skin is smooth but pale from years of remaining indoors to... do... what? I stretch gently to loosen up my tight, strung up muscles. Geez, I just discovered that sleeping can actually be worse for your muscles than playing Go continuously for an entire day. Wait, what... is... Go? I cry out softly and grip my head again as the headache returns. Damn, it feels like my head's incinerating from within.  
I raise my head slowly as the headache subsides and look around the room; perhaps I'll find something that will tell me more about myself. My gaze falls on a boy, asleep using his arms on the bed as a pillow. He has coal black hair with an interesting shock of blonde in front. I smile; so he's been waiting for me all this while. My... Who is he? I struggle to recall what it is about him that I somehow feel is important. I don't know, I feel like I should remember him for some reason... no, I _want_ to remember him but... why? Why does it matter so much? I turn my mind over but fail to find anything. I feel as if something is missing inside me that he holds the key to.  
But I feel happy, somehow. I'm glad he's here, that he's been waiting here for me to wake up. His mere presence seems to light up and lighten the atmosphere of the room. It just seems... right to be with him somehow, even if I can't remember anything about us. I wonder who he is... my brother? No, we look nowhere near alike. Maybe my cousin, then or perhaps my best friend. He looks so nice, serene, and at peace in his sleep; it seems almost a sin to have to wake him up, but I'm dying to talk to him. I want to ask him so many things about myself; perhaps he can help me remember everything that I've forgotten.  
  
I reach out and shake him gently by the shoulder. "Ne, anou... sumimasen desu ga..." I call softly, feeling rather awkward. He stirs but doesn't awake. I try again, a little harder this time. "Hey... Can you hear me? Please wake up... Ne..." I call to him gently again.  
  
"Hmm..." he protests quietly but sits up anyway. He actually looks quite adorable when he's half-asleep; I smile to myself. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and yawns before looking at me. He blinks several times and pinches himself. Then suddenly, his murky green eyes fill with tears and he dives forward to wrap his arms around me. "Touya! Yatto... mezameta'nda omae! Touya no baka!!" he cries out happily.  
  
Touya? Me? That's my name? I blink at him in mild confusion. "Touya 'tte... boku?" I ask curiously and pout slightly. Well, okay; if I'm Touya, then... "Ja, kimi wa?"  
  
I feel him stiffen in my arms and he slowly pulls away from me. I reluctantly release and look up at him; it just feels... right to be in his arms like that. The feeling just dies in my heart at the sight of his dispassionate visage; his eyes have gone strangely blank like murky green glass orbs, and his face is almost completely devoid of emotion. I attempt a cheerfully confused smile in response to his hollow stare but I hardly feel the expression. I don't want... to make him... feel like that. The moments seem to hang in eternity as we continue to gaze at each other. Finally, he closes his eyes and turns away; he starts off in the direction of the door.  
  
"Matte." He pauses in midstep but doesn't turn. "Don't... Where are you going?" Don't leave me. I don't... want... you to leave. I cast his back a hopeful glance.  
  
"...To call your family... I'll be back," he answers in a voice thick with emotion.  
  
He opens the door, steps out and closes it behind him. As he does so, I read my name on the white door label; Touya Akira. Hm... so Touya's actually my last name. Funny, we seem close; why does he still call me by my last name? Well, I guess if he's going to call _my_ family, then it means we're not related. I shove away the voice at the back of my head that tells me to be glad that we aren't. Ah well, maybe my best friend then. I look around, my eyes eventually landing on a wall calendar. It is unmarked so I can't tell what date it is today; yet another question on my I-need-to- know list. It's only been a few minutes and I already feel his absence; it just seems perfect having him around, it feels... right, I guess... familiar. And I still don't know his name. I turn to look out the window as a gust of cold air blows in and quickly pull the sheets up around myself. The sakura trees outside are bare and covered with thin layers of frost. It's almost winter, almost time for the tournament. Wait, what tournament? I can't... What is wrong with me?! I feel a sharp stab of anger at my inability to recall anything and am really tempted to slam my head against the nearest wall and knock myself into either remembering or blissful oblivion. Why can't I remember anything? Before I can further contemplate the idea, the door opens and he walks in, eyes bloodshot and swollen like he's just cried a river. I almost hate myself; no, I already do. He hides his eyes by tilting his head down slightly and walks around to my left.  
  
"Er..." The silence is deafening and his current state makes me really reluctant to break it. "Who are you?" Okay, that was really blunt; but I've probably forgotten the meaning of tact already anyway. Besides, how much more could it hurt?  
  
"Shindou Hikaru," he replies flatly.  
  
I wait for him to continue but he doesn't, so I decide to push it. "And you are my...?"  
  
"Rival. I'm your rival." Same flat voice.  
  
Ouch. "And we're rivals in..."  
  
"Go," he finishes for me, gaze falling all the way to the floor.  
  
Okay, so I know this is *really* going to hurt but I don't see a way out of it. "Er... What is Go?"  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
"What is Go?"  
  
He doesn't remember. _Touya Akira_ doesn't remember what Go is. It's the most important thing in his life and he doesn't remember. It's the only thing that connects us to each other and he doesn't remember. It's what led me here to him and he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't... remember... I think my heart just shattered.  
  
I blink back the tears that are threatening to spill again and reach out to take his right hand in my left. I tug him towards me, silently asking him to get up. I know I'm acting like a crybaby and that I really shouldn't but I just can't help it. He doesn't even remember Go. It almost hurts; no, it really does. I don't really mind if he forgets me, but Go? If he doesn't even remember Go, then I guess he's pretty much beyond help anyway. He obligingly swings his legs over and down and tries to stand but his legs are assumingly unaccustomed to supporting his weight after a month of simply lying still, causing him to fall forward on to me instead. The breath catches in my throat as his cheek connects with my chest; I think my heart skipped a beat then. I hold him just below the ribs as he attempts to steady himself, his hands gripping my shoulders for support.  
  
Our eyes meet when he looks up at me, a slight blush colouring his cheeks. "Uh... Gomen," he mumbles, finally succeeding to stand on his own.  
  
I blink and shake my head before helping him over to where my Goban stands on a low table by the window and seating him in one of the two available chairs. I take my place opposite him and hand him one of the Go-tsubo. My rival opens it, takes out a single black stone and looks at it thoughtfully before looking back up at me questioningly. "This is Go?"  
  
I nod, offering him a small smile. "Play a game with me?" I ask.  
  
"Ah... but I can't... remember how..."  
  
"Er... Well, it's like this. In this game, black starts first. You're supposed to place stones on the intersections of the lines and try to capture territory and your opponent's stones. You capture stones by completely surrounding them with your own and you gain territory by placing your stones to guard it and make sure your opponent doesn't get it instead. Each intersection is one moku and at the end of the game, the one with the most mokus in their territory wins. You cannot capture stones when there are empty points inside," I explain, demonstrating on the Goban with my white stones as I speak. Cruel irony; I still remember Touya explaining komi and nigiri to me the second time we played slightly less than four years ago. Okay, that explanation probably sucked but it's the best I can think of presently and there are probably lots more stuff involved anyway. "Anyhow, there are a few more rules and stuff like that but I'll explain along the way as and when a situation involves it, okay?"  
  
He looks at the Goban for a moment before finally speaking. "Well, okay. I just hope I don't bore you; I'm probably going to suck at this because I really don't remember anything about it."  
  
I avert my gaze to look out the window. "Actually, you are... were really good at this. We're both professionals; seriously, playing this is our job. We get paid to play and win this game, you know?"  
  
"Oh? Is this why we..."  
  
"No, it's not the money, especially not for you. Most of us play professional Go because we love the game and desire to excel in it, win titles, and compete internationally, all while improving our own skills." I look back at him and smile sadly. "That is true for you too. You had a passion and intensity like no other for this game. In fact, you could say that you brought me to this actually."  
  
"Oh..." He smiles slightly. "What was... I like?"  
  
I blink at him. "Er... Well, uh... You were... quiet, calm, reserved... serious, um... annoying in the most peculiar ways, actually. Polite, determined... competitive? And about Go, proud... passionate... intense. Truth is we weren't really on good terms until recently and we still argue all the time," I answer as best I can. I was really tempted to say 'You were a bastard that wouldn't even look at me until I could live up to your exceptionally high standards by showing you my Go skills in the Meijin prelims', which isn't exactly true but positively appealing anyway. However, when I'm being brutally honest with myself, I know that the only reason I'm even here is because he was so... like that.  
  
"Ah... Ne, Hikaru? How long have we known each other?"  
  
"A little less than four years. Before you ask, we met in your father's Go salon when I went there once and I guess I got really interested in Go a little later after having been totally captivated by your seriousness and intensity for the game," I reply with a slight grin, choosing to allow his usage of my first name slide.  
  
"Oh, and what are you like?"  
  
What? I nearly drop the Go-tsubo in my hands as I blink and gape helplessly at my rival. "I... uh... Well, I... um... Really, Touya, I uh... don't know how to answer that question." I tried, I really did but I really have no idea what to say about myself; I've never really thought about it. Outgoing maybe, fun? I don't know. Not that Touya ever showed much interest in getting to know me; all he cared about was my Go skills. Why do you think I try so damn hard to improve? Of course that isn't the only reason I work hard at Go, but still...  
  
"Well, perhaps it's best I found out for myself actually." He pauses. "Oh, by the way, what's the date today? And please call me Akira."  
  
"The 22nd October." Doesn't look like I can really ignore the whole first name basis fad, after all. "Er... Tou-Akira, shall we begin?" As long as he can play Go like he used to, I guess it doesn't really matter if he forgets everything else. "You can start first."  
  
"Okay," he replies, lifting a stone between his thumb and forefinger and placing it the Goban.  
  
Tengen on the first move; already completely uncharacteristic of Touya Akira. I bite my lip, fighting the despair I'm beginning to feel, and do an upper right star komoku. He reaches for a stone without looking and unconsciously lifts it correctly. He does an upper left hoshi before staring at his fingers thoughtfully. I feel a tiny spark of hope; his fingers seem to remember what his mind doesn't, but how far does that go? I do a lower left star komoku and he proceeds to do a hoshi on his lower left. I decide to test my theory and attack his hoshi on my lower right with a tsuke, nothing that the Touya I know would have a problem with. He does respond, placing a stone just above mine; well, not something Touya'd usually do but still... I'm not going to give up hoping this early. I tsuke that, waiting to see his response; he ignores the attack and places a stone just diagonally above my upper right komoku. Hopeful... I then decide to test him a little more and do a kosomi there. He proceeds to tsuke the komoku; I respond with a kakkari. About half an hour later, the tears I've been trying to hold back are already overflowing. It's hopeless, really; I wonder why I even bothered hoping against hope. It was going okay, really, and then everything went down the drain after my sagari. My vision blurs as I do an 11-8. He responds with a 8-13; it's an extremely bad hand, really, considering the circumstances. A teardrop falls on to the Goban and he looks up at me, eyes narrowing ever so slightly with regret.  
  
"Ne... Hikaru... Did I do something bad?" he asks tentatively.  
  
I resist the urge to yell 'Yeah, this hand really REALLY sucked and even three and a half years ago I wouldn't have done that!' at him and shake my head before completing the shicho trap with a 13-7.  
  
The tears are flowing unhindered now as we play on. At least he didn't waste stones on the shicho, but his next move isn't any better. I respond with a de and he subsequently plays a keima. God, that is one really big dango... Finally, I just can't take it any longer; I can't hold back the despair and disappointment anymore. That tobi was the last straw for me and if I continue this any longer, I'd probably snap; and the worst thing is that he doesn't seem to see that he should have resigned by now. I stand, fighting the impulse to do it so violently that the chair would fall over.  
  
"I... Excuse me. I... have to go." I turn and walk away, not bothering to even wipe away the tears streaming down my cheeks.  
  
I hear him stand behind me and put down the Go-tsubo. "Wait!"  
  
I pause midstride and he approaches me slowly, hesitantly.  
  
"It's my fault, right? I'm sorry! I know I did something wrong... Please don't be mad..." he appeals, sounding 101% sincerely sorry and remorseful; I almost feel bad.  
  
"I... That's not it." I'm not mad, just... despairing.  
  
"Then what is it? It IS my fault, I know. Just tell me! I... I'll do anything! Just..."  
  
I spin around and throw my arms around him without thinking, pulling him into a tight embrace and burying my face in his shoulder. He merely stands there frozen as I sob almost uncontrollably. "I... It's just... The Touya I knew better than anyone else, the Touya I understood best is gone... is gone and... and I... I just... feel like a part of me's gone with him... And I don't know why I'm telling you this and I know I'm probably not making sense but..." The words are just spilling forth from my lips before I can even think about what I'm babbling about.  
  
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. "I'm sorry... Don't cry, okay? I don't think it's like you at all and it does make sense but you're really making me feel horrid, so..." he murmurs.  
  
"I just... It's... I don't mean to but... I... and... Ore ga ichiban shitteru Touya ga, dare yori mo ore ga wakaru Touya ga... kieta... kiechatta'nda..." I suddenly realise what we are doing and immediately pull away. "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't..."  
  
"It's fine. Look, we'll go out tomorrow, okay? I'll buy you ramen and ice- cream and cotton candy and you can take me sightseeing -well sort of- and... aww... just don't cry anymore, alright? I really can't stand it."  
  
Ramen, ice-cream, and cotton candy... trying to cheer me up with food; either he thinks like a kid or he's thinks that I do. Geez, I don't know whether to laugh or be insulted. Wait, ramen... ice-cream...? How did he... know...? "Why ramen and ice-cream?"  
  
"Huh? I don't know... It's just the first thing that came to mind and so I just said it." He gives me a puzzled look, then pouts. "Why? You don't like that? Then we can have something else... sukiyaki? Or how about..."  
  
"No, I *love* that... Ramen's my favourite food and I really like ice-cream too." Masaka... Instinct? Intuition? Could it be...? Perhaps his heart remembers... no, not even Go so with my place so much further down the list... It can't be... but still... Luck, maybe, a wild guess or something like that. That must be it.  
  
"Really? That's great! Then you'll come tomorrow?" he enthuses so cheerfully that I just can't bring myself to turn him down.  
  
"Aa."  
  
"You do know how to get to my house, right?"  
  
Does he...? "Uh... yeah, I do. I've been there once." Well, I did get lost on the way even with Yashiro AND a map but it'd be best that he didn't remember that.  
  
"Good, 'cause I can't remember the way either so I can't help you."  
  
I just barely succeed in keeping from slapping my forehead in exasperation. "Aa, I'll make it." I manage to make it sound less forced than it really was.  
  
"Yay! Hikaru and I are going out tomorrow!! We'll eat lots of cotton candy and ice cream and ramen and have tons and tons of fun!" he exclaims like it's the best thing in the world, doing a kind of weird dance.  
  
I smile despite the lingering despair in my heart. It justs seems so different... Touya doing stuff like this, getting excited about ice-cream and cotton candy. I feel like I don't know him anymore and in a way it seems like I never did, yet... why do I feel like I've just been given a second chance? A chance to see how it could have been if we weren't Go players, if we had simply met in another way, if I never met Sai and he wasn't a Meijin's Go prodigy son. Would it have been any different? I want him to remember and yet, I also want to know that other life, that reality that could have been. Perhaps we could... have been friends... We'd play video games, watch movies, eat ice-cream... be like normal kids. Could that have been possible? I excuse myself as his parents and Ishikawa-san walk in, deciding to let him explain himself. The last thing I hear as I walk off is Ishikawa-san's comment: '...Sugoku hidoi... Go desu ne...'  
  
A/N: There! 97% in English! Happy? Anyway, the important point here is that when Hikaru and Akira were playing Go, the numeric notations and directions of the moves were from the respective players viewpoints; I know it doesn't make sense otherwise. Anyway, a short glossary for the 3% of Japanese I used:  
  
Glossary  
  
'Ne, anou... sumimasen desu ga...' = very polite something like 'Er... excuse me but...'  
  
'Yatto... mezameta'nda omae!' = colloquial 'Finally... you've woken up!'  
  
'Touya no baka!' = 'Touya you idiot!' *Depending on situation, 'baka' in this case could also be taken to mean 'jerk' so take your pick.*  
  
'Touya'tte... boku?' = something like 'By Touya, you mean me?'  
  
'Ja, kimi wa?' = something like 'Then, you are...?'  
  
'Ore ga ichiban shitteru Touya ga, dare yori mo ore ga wakaru Touya ga... kieta... kiechatta'nda...' = 'The Touya who knows me best, the Touya who understands me better than anyone else has disappeared... disappeared...' *'Kieta' and 'kiechatta'nda' both kinda translate as 'disappeared'.*  
  
**I'm not explaining the Go terms. Either pay more attention in HikaGo or find out elsewhere. It's too tedious.** 


	4. A Neverending Fantasy

A/N: Hi! I'm really working on this fic, alright? Well, I should be  
working on studying or my school project or my homework actually but  
really, I'm so sick of this life that I sometimes wish I could just drop  
dead. Working on this takes my mind off the death wish so I guess you  
could say it's good for my mental health, ne? Besides, this FUN! Anyway,  
enjoy and please r & r. Here's where I launch into nearly full-scale  
humour. Oh, and be warned: Super Akira OOCness and cameos popping in  
here and there.  
  
Chapter 3: A Never-ending Fantasy  
  
  
  
"You came!" My amnesiac rival runs towards me and jumps on me happily, arms flung around my neck as I stand at the front door of his house at 11 a.m.  
  
I give him an annoyed look, ignoring his utterly un-Touya-like behaviour as he steps back with a slight blush to his cheeks. "What, you thought I wouldn't?"  
  
"Well... You didn't seem too enthusiastic about it yesterday, so I thought..."  
  
So he noticed. But my time with Sai was the best teacher on how to lie through one's teeth and do it convincingly. "Not everyone shows their enthusiasm by starting a festival, Tou-Akira." I still need to get used to this whole first name basis fad.  
  
He smiles cheerfully and turns around to his parents who are standing in the hall. They are worried, I know, but are trying their hardest to keep it to themselves. "Itte kimasu!" he calls, before running out the door. His genki overdrive is really starting to scare me.  
  
I bow slightly and offer them a reassuring smile before stepping back and pulling the sliding door shut. I... "Waa!" The cry escapes my lips as Akira grabs my hand and practically drags me after him. I decide to concentrate on trying not to fall before contemplating on how familiar this is. I catch my balance and promptly realize the reason for the déjà vu; the second time we met in front of the Children's Go Tournament building, Touya practically dragged me back to his father's Go salon. "Tou-Akira, I can walk on my own, you know," I inform him. "And besides, do you even have any idea where you are going?"  
  
He let's go of my hand and slows down. "Sorry, I was just so impatient and you were taking forever just to close the door and... well... No, I don't know where we're going. So, tell me; where are we going today?" He really seems full of energy today.  
  
I grin. "Where are we going? How could you have already forgotten?"  
  
He blinks at me in mild confusion; God, that was so cute.  
  
The grin widens to practically reach my ears. "You owe me lunch!" I continue accusingly. "You promised me lots of ramen, ice cream, and cotton candy, remember? Well, I'm not big on cotton candy but I hope you brought lots of money for the ramen and ice-cream."  
  
He gives me a petulant pout. "I take it that you're really going to run me dry aren't you?"  
  
"Yeah, so? It isn't as if you're family isn't already swimming in the prize money from your father's five titles."  
  
"Oh? So that's why my house is so huge! I never knew I lived in such a big house with such a large garden! My room's really spacious too! Wow!" he marvels, glossy eyed. "But why is almost everything I wear like for someone twice my age? I mean this is like one of the five outfits that even look vaguely sixteen," he nearly laments, indicating the wine red and Prussian blue sweatshirt and khakis that he is wearing.  
  
I really tried not to, I mean REALLY tried, but I failed to suppress the laughter anyway. "I think... it's 'cause... you like it," I manage between fits of hysterical laughter.  
  
"Really? I'm starting to think I really need psychotherapy," he replies. "I don't think I'm normal."  
  
I'm laughing uncontrollably again. "No," I concede between chuckles. "You're not. But it's not that serious. You don't..." Another laughing fit. "...need psychotherapy." I wipe the tears out of my eyes. "Your wardrobe isn't anything we can't fix anyway."  
  
His eyes light up. "Oh, you mean..."  
  
I smirk. "We're going shopping," I declare, putting dramatic emphasis on every word.  
  
An uneventful fifteen-minute train ride later, we are gobbling ramen in a restaurant in Tokyo city centre. Well, rather, HE is gobbling. Akira seems to have quite lost his etiquette with his memory and happened to have managed to develop a voracious appetite in the process of forgetting. We're in our second bowl of ramen when Kurata-san steps into the restaurant. His eyes light up when he spots us and he proceeds to saunter over.  
  
"Yo, speak of the Go Golden Pair. So, Honinbou-Shuusaku-handwriting-expert, where's the paper? I'm sure you do want the rest of my autograph," he begins cheerfully.  
  
"I... uh..." I start. Damn, I still can't find that sheet of paper. In fact, I'm quite sure it's fed a colony of cockroaches by now and I don't really want it anyway.  
  
"Who is he?" Tou-Akira asks curiously.  
  
"He's... uh..."  
  
"You don't know me? Kurata 9-dan. I've been to your house, remember? Man, Touya-kun, I need a word with your father," Kurata-san says, cutting me off.  
  
"Uh... Kurata-san, he's..." I begin, trying to explain.  
  
"Oh! Right, I read about it in the Weekly Go. Amnesia. Well, no matter." The plump pro takes out a notepad and a pen. "One pork chop ramen, please!" he calls out, scribbling on the paper.  
  
"Hai!" comes the reply from the kitchen. Tell me that isn't what I think it is.  
  
"Here," he says, tearing off the paper and handing it to Tou-Akira.  
  
"What's this?" my rival asks innocently, finishing his food.  
  
"My autograph, have it." Damn, it is what I think it is.  
  
"Err... Tou-Akira?" I attempt as I swallow my last mouthful of ramen.  
  
"Kurata, Imminent Jyudan," Akira reads. He looks up at Kurata-san. "Thanks, but I don't want it," he says, handing it back to the plump Go pro. Oh, no; that was precisely what I wanted to warn him about.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"How about... I'm not interested...?" Okay, for the record, he's being even more blunt than I was.  
  
"Everyone wants my autograph!" Kurata-san declares indignantly. I resist slamming my head on the table. God, is he delusional about his popularity.  
  
"Well, I don't; so give it to someone who does. I'd much rather have Hikaru's at any rate," my rival returns tartly. No way; oh, shit. Akira!! Why the hell did you have to go and say that?! I resignedly press two fingers to my left temple.  
  
"Oi, Shindou!" Kurata-san begins. I look up with a forced smile on my face; boy, did I force it. "There's a Go salon three doors down! Let's play! If you lose, he takes my autograph!" the deluded pro challenges as expected. I can't believe this is happening to me.  
  
Before Akira can say anything worse, I quickly stand. "I'm sorry, Kurata- san, maybe next time. I have an amnesiac to entertain and do forgive said amnesiac; I'm sure he's simply forgotten the marvellous significance of your autograph. Have a nice day, Kurata-san. Good luck on becoming the next Jyudan. Akira, let's go!" I excuse myself sweetly, grabbing my rival's hand and pulling him out the door with me after an extremely brief pause to slam two thousand yen on the counter. I wonder when and where I learnt to kiss ass so well as I drag Akira down the road and round the corner into an ice cream parlour where I lean against the wall, heaving a sigh of relief.  
  
"Hikaru... You didn't have to walk so fast, you know," my rival pants beside me. Well, I certainly didn't think that pace was at all fast.  
  
"Sorry," I mumble. Somehow, the sight of him out of breath like that just... reminds me of the Meijin preliminaries last year. We make our way over to the counter.  
  
"Irasshaimase! Konnichiwa. Welcome to X Ice Cream Parlour; this is Shirou Kamui at your service. How may I help you?" greets the... -flat chest- guy at the counter.  
  
"Err... I'll... um... I'll have a scoop each of Honeydew Heaven and Paw- Pina Colada," I order.  
  
"Right," he says, scribbling it down. "Toppings?"  
  
"Whipped cream. That's it for me."  
  
"Hokey-dokey. And you?" He turns to Akira.  
  
"Erm... One scoop of Bubbly Berries and one of Peppermint Calypso, please."  
  
"Toppings?" he asks, just barely hiding his disgust.  
  
"Uh... Butterscotch and chocolate rice."  
  
Eww... argh, that is sick! Berries and mint is a bad enough combination, but with butterscotch and chocolate rice?! I had no idea his taste was _so_ *bad*!!  
  
"Right." I catch sight of the I-think-I'm-gonna-be-sick look on Shirou- san's face and understandingly sympathize. The thought of that concoction is enough to make anyone feel like throwing up. I let my amnesiac rival pay the 1400 Yen before leading him over to a corner booth by the window.  
  
"Someone serve these two doubles to table seven, please!" Shirou-san calls a moment later.  
  
A blonde guy pops his head out from a doorway and looks directly at us. "Both guys? No thanks, get someone else," he says with a tone of mild boredom.  
  
"Thought so, that's why I didn't call you. By the way, Yuuto, aren't Satsuki and Kanoe enough for you anymore?" Shirou-san questions derisively.  
  
"Are you kidding? I have a jealous _computer_ to contend with and the other lady's worse than me," Yuuto-san responds lightly, green eyes twinkling.  
  
"I'll get it," a boy with spiky silvery white hair and purplish gray eyes offers, stepping out and lifting the tray with perfect balance.  
  
"Thanks, Nataku," replies Shirou-san. "Where's Fuuma, by the way?"  
  
"Thanks," I mutter as Nataku puts the ice creams down on our table.  
  
"Daddy? I think he took Kakyou-san out for tea," answers Nataku.  
  
"Without me? How could he?" A tinge of annoyance laces Shirou-san's voice.  
  
"That's between the three of you; it's your ménage a' trois, ya," a guy in the red apron that is obviously their uniform chips in in heavily accented Osaka dialect. "Besides, it's your shift, not theirs," he adds.  
  
"Spare me, Sorata; just spare me the drill," Shirou-san retorts acidly.  
  
"Em... Hikaru?" Akira begins hesitantly.  
  
"Yeah?" I shove a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. Delicious.  
  
"This is turning into a really weird day, ne?" He does the same.  
  
"Aa," I agree.  
  
"How much was the ramen? It was supposed to be my treat, remember?"  
  
"How could I forget? Two thousand Yen."  
  
"Oh, right. Your mission today is to send me into bankruptcy, I remember," he returns dryly, handing me the money.  
  
"Don't worry, you're far from being there," I reply cheerfully as I stuff the cash in my pocket.  
  
Just then, a well-built brunette teenager and -what I believe to be- a guy with long silver-white hair and aqua eyes in a kimono walks in. "Daddy!" Nataku exclaims, running over to the teenager's side joyfully. I think my eyes are about to bug out. That guy is nowhere near being old enough to be anyone's dad, least of all Nataku's.  
  
"Kazuki!" The teenager frowns. "How many times have I told you NOT to call me 'daddy' in public?!"  
  
"Sorry, I..."  
  
"Fuuma, Kakyou! How could you guys go out for tea without me?" Shirou-san interjects irritably.  
  
"Well, *you* were on shift and _we_ weren't," the Kakyou reasons slowly.  
  
"Besides," Fuuma starts, walking over to Shirou-san. "We brought you these." He takes out a pack of Famous Amos cookies and waves them in front of Shirou-san's face.  
  
"Cookies!" Shirou-san exclaims happily as he snatches the pack and leans in for a kiss that Fuuma cheerfully obliges. "Looks like your life is spared for the day," he contemplates after they break off.  
  
Fuuma grins. "It didn't work out too well the last time you tried to kill me, remember?"  
  
"Don't remind me," replies Shirou-san with a petulant pout before we are again distracted by the entrance of a tall man in a black Armani suit and sunglasses, smoking a cigarette. I glance out the window; it's cloudy today, what's with the sunglasses anyway? "Irasshai..." Shirou-san begins, turning around, before noticing who it is. He turns back to whatever he is doing and calls, "Subaru! Someone's here to see you!"  
  
A guy -this one definitely a guy- walks out from the back room. He is wearing a white knee-length blazer and a black turtleneck with dark blue slacks and black high-cut shoes. "Why Seishirou-san, how nice of you to drop by. It's a beautiful day today, isn't it?" he begins pleasantly. I resist the impulse to slam my head on the table again. That has got to be the record-holder for the world's lamest conversation starter; and here I thought 'so, how was your game yesterday?' was bad.  
  
The man removes his sunglasses as he turns to lean on the countertop opposite Subaru. "Why yes, Subaru-kun, it is. Perfect temperature and not too much sun," he agrees.  
  
"Must be wonderful for the Tree," replies Subaru-kun, leaning closer to Seishirou-san over the counter. "Oh, wait a minute; there's something wrong here. Seishirou-san, you used the door." Okay, now I'm getting really bad ideas about Seishirou-san climbing down the chimney.  
  
"Santa Seishirou, anyone?" my rival mutters opposite me. I stifle a chuckle.  
  
"Really, Subaru-kun, you complain no matter how I enter. You don't seem too happy to see me," Seishirou-san returns with one of those smiles that are so remarkably pleasant that they're scary.  
  
"No, no; seeing you's the best part of the day, Seishirou-san. Just that using the door really seems to mar your sense of style, don't you think? It isn't quite... dramatic enough," Subaru-kun says, gesturing carelessly before taking out a cigarette and lighting it on Seishirou-san's.  
  
"I guess I'll take that as an invitation to explode into your kitchen next time then, shall I?"  
  
"No, you don't!" Shirou-san interjects abruptly. "Go explode into and in Subaru's bedroom, why don't you?"  
  
"Yeah, since you're both so obviously desperate to slip between each other's sheets anyway," Kakyou-san chips in snidely.  
  
"*I* am _not_ desperate!" Subaru-kun protests indignantly as Seishirou-san clears his throat.  
  
"What's wrong with their own sheets?" Nataku inquires innocently. Thank goodness I've already swallowed that spoonful of ice cream.  
  
"Nothing," Yuuto-san answers with a chuckle, stepping out to stand at the doorway to the back room. The entire group is snickering inconsiderately while Subaru-kun gradually turns redder.  
  
"Then why do they want each other's?" Nataku continues curiously. I really choke on my ice cream this time. Opposite me, Akira isn't any luckier.  
  
Fuuma clears his throat and tries valiantly not to laugh hysterically. "Kazuki, 'to slip between one another's sheets' is a euphemism for 'having sex with one another'," he explains before bursting into laughter all over again.  
  
"Oh, I see..." Nataku muses with an I-just-attained-enlightenment look on his face.  
  
"Just since when did our conversation involve the general public?" a tomato- red Subaru-kun demands irritably as Seishirou-san lights himself another cigarette.  
  
"Hm... How about... Since you decided to publicise it by having it here?" Kakyou-san suggests with a snicker.  
  
"Besides, neither of you mentioned that it was meant to be private, ya?" Sorata-san adds, not bothering to hide his amusement.  
  
"So we take it to be open for general participation," Shirou-san finishes with a look of smug satisfaction.  
  
"Things have really changed since the Promised Day, ne, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou-san starts again.  
  
"Yeah, but some things never change."  
  
"Some things do." Seishirou-san leans extremely close to Subaru-kun.  
  
"This sure as hell hasn't," comments Fuuma dryly, earning himself a death glare from Subaru-kun.  
  
"I wonder what?" Subaru-kun muses before brushing his lips against Seishirou-san's.  
  
"Everything and nothing, perhaps." Seishirou-san straightens. "I should get going; I've got a whiny Tree to feed among other things," he states. "Made my day seeing you, Subaru-kun," he throws over his shoulder on his way out.  
  
"Certainly, Seishirou-san. Wonderful having you drop by."  
  
"What's with those two anyway?" Okay, that was loud. So 'tactful' isn't a word I'd use to describe myself, but Akira's really taking the cake here.  
  
"They're hopelessly in love with each other and trying to be jerks about it by lying to each other about their feelings as if it isn't already blatantly obvious," I reply matter-of-factly at half his volume.  
  
Evidently, half his volume isn't quite quiet enough since about seven eyes are already on me. "Kamui, give those two smoothies on the house, will ya?" Fuuma tells Shirou-san.  
  
"Sure thing. Well deserved indeed," Shirou-san agrees, turning to fix the smoothies.  
  
"Yeah, I mean... That's like... the century's fastest and most accurate first impression anyone's ever had of those two," Kakyou-san muses.  
  
"I _am_ here, you know..." Subaru-kun attempts.  
  
I generally decide that I've had enough weirdness for the day, swallow my last spoonful of ice cream, and stand to leave. Akira joins me and we make our way to the door.  
  
"Wait!" Shirou-san calls.  
  
We turn to see him running towards us with two plastic cups in his hands.  
  
"Here," he says, reaching us and shoving the drinks into our hands. "On the house," he continues with a grin.  
  
"Aa. Domo," I reply, and push the door open.  
  
"Arigatou gozaimashita!"  
  
The day seems to just be getting weirder and weirder as if the whole concept of eating lunch and going out shopping with my rival isn't already weird enough. The sun is shining brightly in the sky on this early winter afternoon. It is still only pleasantly cool, not yet cold enough for mufflers or thick overcoats. I have a jacket in my bag, just in case though. The cool breeze makes it the perfect day for going out. Akira turns to me questioningly and I extend my hand. He smiles happily and places his hand in mine and I almost immediately grin wickedly. I catch sight of that look of mock horror on his face an instant before I start running at top speed, dragging him after me and into a shopping mall. I stop abruptly in front of the first clothes shop and he bangs right into me, almost falling flat on his face; I pull him to his feet and he falls smack into my arms as he tries to steady himself. It occurs to me that we look like we're about to do the tango what with our position and all, and on ordinary circumstances I might presently be laughing my ass off but for some reason, I'm too busy hyperventilating.  
  
"Sorry, thanks." He looks up at me, hands grasping my arms.  
  
I quickly avert my gaze. "Yeah, fine. C'mon." I pull him with me into the shop and over to the racks. I pull out a pair of black jeans with fade-outs here and there. "How's these?" I ask him, holding it up for him to see.  
  
He eyes it expressionlessly. "You like it?" he asks at last.  
  
"Aki, it's your clothes, not mine," I remind him.  
  
"Yeah, okay. It's pretty cool. You want me to try it on?"  
  
"Dunno; if you feel like it," I reply with a careless shrug.  
  
He steps closer. "Do you like it? As in on me, that is." He's looking up intensely at me, the kind of gaze Touya usually had across the Goban, the look I can never argue with.  
  
I swallow thickly. "Uhh... I don't know yet... um... Why don't you try it on?"  
  
He smiles. "Sure, let's get more stuff first."  
  
I merely nod in agreement.  
  
"Pick some stuff for yourself too. I'll buy it for you."  
  
"What? No! I mean..." I protest. "I can't! And I don't need new clothes just yet! And..."  
  
"I won't if you don't want me to. It's fine, whatever you like," he cuts in. Akira's being ridiculously obliging now and I don't know why. Like he's... Like he's... Maybe... he... "You called me 'Aki'," he says suddenly, snapping my train of thought.  
  
"Huh? What?" I blink at him in mild confusion. I've been zoning out for the last minute or so and my brain isn't quite processing what he just said.  
  
"Just now, you called me 'Aki'," he repeats quietly as we pick out a few more items randomly and he sips at his smoothie.  
  
"Oh," is all I can manage. I pick up a pair jeans and a pair of slacks, one dark brown and the other Prussian blue. "You don't want me to?" I ask, sipping mine. Mocha, delicious.  
  
"No, I mean, yes. I like it when you call me that, so..." he answers in a flurry.  
  
"So I will. Who else calls you 'Aki'?"  
  
Silence. We pick out a few more items each.  
  
I turn to him. "Aki?"  
  
He looks at me. "Mm..." he replies, shaking his head.  
  
I raise an eyebrow. "You don't want to tell me?"  
  
"No! I mean, yes, but..."  
  
"But?" I coax.  
  
"No one. You're the first... and probably the last." He looks at the floor. "I never wanted anyone to call me that... just sounds nice when you do. There's like this ring to it, you know?" He answered my question before it was even asked.  
  
"Oh," I manage weakly. The silence that follows is dreadfully uncomfortable. I decide to break it the best way I know. "Let's try these on," I tell him, ushering him into a changing room and entering the one next to it. I try on a short-sleeved grass green V-neck with the dark brown jeans and step out after a glance in the mirror. He steps out a moment later and the breath catches in my throat. I grip the changing room door for support at the sight of the clothes he is wearing. I take in the black plastic-like vest with silver trimming and the red denim _hipster_ shorts. My throat is parched as I fight back the heat that rushes to overwhelm me as I stare, gaping at him.  
  
He does a full turn and blushes faintly. "Uh... how's this?"  
  
I blink at him and drink a gulp of the smoothie to moisten my throat. "It's uh... um... it's... I don't think you should," I manage to stammer out at last.  
  
"Why not? You don't like it?"  
  
"No! I mean, yes, but..." But it makes me really uncomfortable.  
  
"But?"  
  
"But if I let you walk out in that, the first thing you'd do when you regained your memory is kill me," I answer, half the truth.  
  
He closes the distance between us to place his hands on my shoulders. "Well, if we both like it, it shouldn't be a problem. After all, it's not like you encouraged me to buy it. You told me not to; I'm being obstinate; I've got only myself to blame. Let's try on the others." He goes back into the changing room.  
  
I do the same in a partial daze. Touya Akira dressed like Bad Luck's Shindou Shuuichi... feels like my worst nightmare just came true. My rival actually declared himself obstinate; I'll remember to use that against him the next time we argue. I shake my head to clear it. We try on the rest and pay for what we want at the counter. I tried again unsuccessfully to convince him against buying it and decide to drop it. I chose not to mention the part about him dressing like a rock star since in my rival's current state of mind, it'd probably make him even more interested. We step out of the shop only to notice a huge crowd not too far off.  
  
"I wonder what they're looking at," my rival muses aloud.  
  
I shrug. "Why don't we go find out?" I suggest.  
  
"Hm."  
  
We walk over to the large crowd and tiptoe to peer over people's shoulders. There's a brunette hugging a pink bunny giving autographs. He has twinkling blue eyes and a clear resonant voice. Sakuma Ryuuichi, top J- rock group Nittle Grasper's super hot vocalist. He's thirty plus but he still looks youthful and dashing. The singer is decked in leather and looking really cool as he chats with his fans, a cheerful grin on his face. The girls in front of us are busy squealing, swooning, and ogling over him and I absently wonder how he copes with this everyday. Sure, popularity's cool but a hundred girls drooling in procession everywhere you go? Positively unbearable. I watch as his three bodyguards fend off more than a few slut attacks and generally keep the gorgeous brunette from being accosted too much.  
  
"Who's he?" Akira asks, startling me out of my lengthy observation.  
  
"Rock idol. Sakuma Ryuuichi, Nittle Grasper's vocalist."  
  
"Nittle Grasper?"  
  
"The current top J-rock group, baka."  
  
"Baka? You... How was I supposed to know all this?" Some things never change.  
  
"Because you live _here_, not under some frozen rock on Pluto, Aki. Oh wait, I remember; you're obstinate," I retort.  
  
"So? It's not like you know everyone!"  
  
"They're not everyone! Nittle Grasper's the hottest, coolest, best, most popular rock group in Japan! They don't have to know everyone! Everyone knows them!" And we argue again.  
  
"YEAH!!!" the crowd of fans cheer upon hearing my argument. I can hardly believe we've managed to start quarrelling about something besides Go and a public debate about J-rock was definitely the last thing I expected.  
  
"That's just in your opinion! There's no way to prove that!!" my rival shouts.  
  
"Yes, there is! It's public opinion!!" I return at twice his volume before turning to the crowd. "Nittle Grasper's the greatest, right?!" I shout in question.  
  
"YEAH!!!" comes the reply, along with whistling and general sounds of approval. The crowd begins to chant 'N.G.' repeatedly.  
  
"And everyone knows superstar Sakuma Ryuuichi, Japan's -if not the world's- best vocalist with the windpipes and body to die for, right?!" I ask again.  
  
"YEAH!!! YEAH!!! NITTLE GRASPER ARE THE KINGS OF J-ROCK!!! SAKUMA RYUUICHI IS THE BEST!!!!!" shouts the crowd in response.  
  
"NO ONE BEATS MY RYUUICHI-SAMA!!" screams a girl in the crowd.  
  
"WHAT GIVES YOU THE AUDACITY TO THINK HE'S YOURS?" retorts another.  
  
"HE'S MINE!!!"  
  
"NO!! MINE!!!"  
  
"ATASHI NO MONO DA!!!"  
  
"SAKUMA RYUUICHI IS MINE!!!!!" And the crowd begins a huge brawl right in the middle of the mall.  
  
"There you are, Aki. That's your proof," I tell him smugly.  
  
"Fine, fine. Point taken. Give it a rest, will ya?" he grumbles at the sight of the smirk.  
  
"Certainly."  
  
"Hi!" chirps a voice cheerfully and we turn to see Sakuma Ryuuichi right in front of us, hugging his bunny tightly.  
  
"Hi!" we greet back in unison.  
  
I look at the brawl going on around me and rather sheepishly grin. "Sorry it turned out like this all because we argued," I tell the vocalist apologetically.  
  
"Heiki, heiki na no da. Thanks for the free propaganda no da." He grins with some super genki surge and turns to Akira. "Ooh... kawaii!" he enthuses. My rival and I both blink in mild confusion. Suddenly, Ryuuichi pecks Akira on the cheek and I giggle to myself as my rival succeeds at beating a raspberry in redness. "You two look so... cute together no da!"  
  
I cough slightly and Akira is stunned speechless.  
  
"Hey, you two coming for my concert in Ruido?" he asks, looking from one of us to the other.  
  
I shake my head. "Tickets are sold out, I heard. I'd like to go though. It's a pity I've never seen one on Nittle Grasper's most memorable stage."  
  
He grins. "Here, take these. Remember to drop by after the concert too! You guys are such a cute pair no da!" he continues enthusiastically, giving us a ticket and a backstage pass each.  
  
"Thanks!" we chirp happily. I finally get to see a Nittle Grasper concert in Ruido, where they first started out. Akira's probably going to be seeing his first concert ever.  
  
"Oh, and these too." He passes us two CDs. "Autographed Special Edition with free calendar no da. My collaboration with Shindou Shuuichi na no da!" he announces in genki overdrive. "I'll just tell Tou-chan it's for publicity. He'll let me off for nicking his copy no da." He chuckles heartily.  
  
"Oh, wow! Thanks a tonne! I loved Predilection and Gateway Odyssey!" I enthuse with a grin.  
  
"I'm going to be honest and say I've never heard either," Akira states at my side.  
  
Ryuuichi just looks at us as if in deep contemplation. "Oh geez, you guys are just so adorable together no da. I'll give you Kumagorou too!" He shoves the bunny into Akira's arms. "See? Now you two look perfect na no da!"  
  
"I thought Kumagorou's your treasure," I begin to protest.  
  
"Yup! He's my favourite no da!"  
  
"So you shouldn't..."  
  
"Kumagorou's always with me, everywhere! He won't leave and he'll always come back no da!!" he replies cheerfully.  
  
"But you just said he's your treasure AND your favourite." Now it's Akira's turn to protest.  
  
"Yup! He is!" He winks as he starts running off. "Bye-bye! Gotta go! See you there!"  
  
We watch the brunette tear towards the door before exchanging confused glances. I catch the look on Akira's face, recall how red he turned when Ryuuichi kissed his cheek, and start giggling all over again.  
  
He gives me a petulant pout. "You're laughing at me."  
  
"No, I..." I begin between peals of laughter.  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
"Fine, so I am. It's amusing how ineffably charming Touya Akira gets with a simple peck on the cheek," I tease before bursting into laughter all over again.  
  
"Oh, you... Your life is forfeit!!" he cries in outrage before chasing me down the mall.  
  
A/N: Truth be told, I think the last part sucks but I'll leave it in  
your hands. Please R & R and I hope you liked it.  
  
Glossary:  
  
Baka = idiot, stupid, dummy,... Heiki = alright; so 'heiki, heiki' would translate as 'it's alright' Atashi no mono da = girls' way of saying 'my thing'; so it's an equivalent of 'mine' No da/na no da = something like 'you see'. Basically, it doesn't affect the meaning of the sentence; I'm just complying with Ryuuichi's speech patterns 


	5. Days

A/N: Hello! This chapter has finally begun; thank God (whichever one  
that's listening, I guess; I'm not picky). Anyway, I'd like to take  
advantage of the unlimited space this site gives me for each chapter to  
thank all my reviewers! Thanks for the compliments and 'constructive  
criticism' (as it is most elegantly phrased); they've both really  
motivated me to actually take the time and effort to write this fic. As  
for those that read but don't review... well, at least you read it...  
what more can I ask of you than to actually pay attention to the words I  
painstakingly try to write each day? Well, even if you don't review for  
me, please do review for greater authors like Aishuu and Mami-san, okay?  
Anyhow, I do hereby humbly apologise for the amount of Japanese in the  
first chapter. I don't find my Japanese very good and I guess I  
mistakenly considered whatever I used to be easy; I'm very, very sorry.  
There were also times when the words just sounded so much better in  
Japanese that I simply couldn't resist... gomen nasai! Oh, and in  
response to a few reviews that simply demanded a reply from me due to  
said content:  
  
To Regatto: Yes, as a matter of fact, you can bribe me into trying  
my hardest to write faster. How much are you going to pay me and  
when is the money coming and how? lol ;) Never mind, I'm just  
joking but you CAN pay me if you want to.  
  
To ILLK: Glad to know you liked it. Well, I guess you beat me at long  
reviews. Anyway, I've cut down on Japanese already and I'll try to  
keep it down. Hope you continue to enjoy the fic!  
  
To kamitra: That's really... uh... vengeful? (lol) I write half the  
first chapter in Jap, you write half the review in Jap... Iia,  
heiki; jyoudan dake sa. Sankyuu!  
  
To Aishuu: I'm honoured to have such a prolific writer as yourself  
as a reader; really, it's very inspiring. I also really enjoyed your  
fic: Lessons in How To Make A Bishounen Snap; I hope I reviewed it  
and if I failed to, I'm terribly sorry and I hope you're reading  
this. It was really funny and I can truly imagine Akira having a  
school fan club and getting love letters, being so gorgeous  
(pretty?) and all but one would wonder why all those girls try so  
hard when he's so obviously taken with and completely for Hikaru,  
ne? By the way, if you know of any real Touya Akira fan clubs  
around, please tell me about it; I'd really like to petition for  
president. (lol) ^.  
  
To Miyahara Yuuki: I KNOW! RYUU-CHAN IS SO KAWAII!! Yuki's  
here, in this chapter, don't worry. Anyway, seriously now,  
I'm really happy to know someone's waiting for the next  
chapter; it makes writing it all the more worthwhile. Thanks!  
  
To everyone else, please keep reviewing and I hope you continue to enjoy this fic! Now to the fic and more sweet innocent Akira fun! (Don't you think he's soooo....... pretty?)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 4: Days  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
"So, where shall we go today?" I ask my rival.  
  
We are walking away from his house at 9 on a Friday morning. I'm here to take him out as usual and see if he remembers anything. Waya called me last night and put me through some crazy lecture about neglecting friends until I pointed out that he had been spending most of his time with Isumi anyway. Really, pot? Kettle? Black? And he's got something to say. I shake my head and turn to look at Akira who is presently deep in thought, perpending today's destination. He hasn't made much progress walking around Tokyo, where he grew up; maybe I should start being more location-specific. Perhaps I'll take him to Kaiou; the winter interschool team tournament should be taking place soon.  
  
"I want to see the new circus at Jyuban road."  
  
I blink. "What?"  
  
"Circus, Hikaru. I want to go to the new circus at Jyuban road," Akira repeats patiently.  
  
"The circus," I echo incredulously.  
  
"Yup!" He catches the look on my face. "Na... Ka na... Hikaru 'tte ba...?" he whines, tugging my arm.  
  
I blink. Twice. He sounds like Sai. Oh my God, he sounds like Sai! Touya Akira is 'Sai 002"! Oh my God... what if there's a part of Sai in every Go player? Then... Touya Meijin='Sai 003'...? Curse that thing called imagination. *Ogata Jyudan*...? NOOOOO!!! KUWABARA HONINBOU...? _Kurata 9-dan_...? Oh no! Oh God, perish the thought.  
  
Touch wood; I touch a wooden pillar as we pass it, Akira still hanging on to my arm and looking up at me hopefully. I blink again. "Uh... Aa. The circus it is," I agree at last.  
  
"Yay!" he exclaims happily. "We're going to the circus! Circus! Circus! We're going to the circus!" Akira sings cheerfully. "Lalalalalalalalala..."  
  
I shake my head in disbelief as we board the subway to the station nearest to Jyuban road, then suddenly start chuckling. In retrospect, the whole idea of going to the circus is just hilarious. I think Akira's reliving his childhood; that is, if he ever had one so to speak. I, personally, haven't been to the circus in years; not since I was about ten. Oh well, to the circus then; just for the heck of it. We get off the train about twenty uneventful minutes later and walk to Jyuban road. It's crowded as usual; you'd expect nothing less from a popular hangout. There are shops on both sides selling all kinds of things including... I quickly walk over to one selling Go paraphernalia with Akira tagging along behind me.  
  
"Hey, I'll be over there, okay?" my rival tells me, indicating a shop not too far away.  
  
"Aa." I nod.  
  
I look over the various types of Goban and Go-tsubo feeling a sense of nostalgia; it seems like only yesterday that I met Sai in my grandfather's attic and all of a sudden, he's just gone... like dust flying out the window. I always thought he'd stay forever, that we had an eternity to while away, so I simply let our time together slip through my fingers like sand. If only I had treasured that time more... My gaze falls on a white fan like my own; if only I had treasured that time more. Even now, I still expect him to suddenly pop out and damn near suffocate me in a hug to convince me to do something or go somewhere; I still remember him nagging me to stretch before the professional exams, still hear him whining over our not playing Go often enough. Even my room seems empty without him sitting on the floor across the Goban or whining me awake by my bedside. I miss him; I really do. I tear my eyes away from the display just as the salesgirl comes over, fighting down the dull stab of pain from that old wound that never really healed. After that last time, Sai never visited me in my dreams again. I hope he's happy wherever he is; maybe everyone in heaven plays Go...? Oh, perish the thought; that would be so dull! Besides, any priest or monk would probably have found the idea of a Go-heaven blasphemous. I giggle quietly to myself as I walk over to where Akira stands in front of a shop. Maybe I should ask Sai that if ever he visits me again. In fact, I wonder what Waya would think on that; he's always full of outrageous ideas anyway.  
  
"Aki, what's that you're looking at?" I ask as I approach him. My eyes widen as the stuff on display registers in my brain. Condoms. Edible underwear. Glow-in-the-dark handcuffs. Oh my God. "Hikaru?" he starts.  
  
I turn to look at him, stunned speechless.  
  
"I'd like to buy these," he declares, indicating a box of edible underwear.  
  
This time, I am shocked into action. "No! And we're underaged anyway!" I reply in horror as I grab his hand and half-drag-half-haul him away from the shop towards the circus.  
  
"Why not? What's wrong with edible underwear?" he challenges indignantly, a little too loud for comfort. Already I can feel at least half a dozen pairs of eyes on us.  
  
"That's for people who sleep with each other!" We reach the entrance to the circus and I pay for both of us.  
  
"Aren't we?"  
  
I know he's referring to my sleeping over at his house on Wednesday where I slept in his room. "No!! We sleep together, not with each other!" I can feel the stares and hear the giggles around us as I pull him towards the House of Mirrors.  
  
"And the difference is...?" he asks, struggling to keep his balance and keep up with me.  
  
"Huge," I reply pulling him inside with me. "When people sleep together, they just sleep. When they sleep with each other, they do something else as well," I clarify.  
  
"Which is...?"  
  
God, is he really that dense or is he just pretending? "They have sex." I know that turned heads; I just know it did.  
  
"Oh," he says, like he just had a revelation. "Have you had sex before?"  
  
I stop suddenly and he bumps into me as I turn to glare at him. "That's none of your business!" I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks.  
  
"Oh, sorry..." he apologizes sheepishly. Then... "Have I?" he asks, pointing at himself.  
  
I give him a dirty Look. "How would I know?!" I can't believe I'm having this conversation with him! I mean, Touya Akira! Gods! What have I done to deserve this?!  
  
"Sorry... I just thought you might know, since I can't remember."  
  
"People don't go around broadcasting these things, you know..."  
  
"Aa."  
  
I bury my face in my hands and resign myself to a day at the circus with a child in my rival's body.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hi!" Akira chirps.  
  
I look up. Oh my God. "H-Hi, A-Aki," I manage to stammer in my shock.  
  
It is the night of the concert and as usual, I'm picking him up. It's half past six in the evening and Akira's wearing that Shindou Shuuichi stage outfit with that pair of black leather boots he bought with me at the mall. Okay, so it's a concert but my brain is still having trouble processing the image before me. Touya Akira in Shindou Shuuichi's stage outfit... It's not clicking in my mind; it doesn't look right at all. Add that to the fact that he's half-skipping-half-hopping over to me and it just looks totally wrong. I called Waya last night for the sole purpose of gloating over the fact that I have concert tickets and he doesn't. Naturally, I smugly ended by pleasantly telling him that I already had company. Serves him right for finding every opportunity to tease me about something. And speaking of teasing...  
  
"Aki, how on Earth did you manage to get your parents to let you walk out like this?"  
  
"By no way on Earth. Heaven intervened for me," my rival chirps cheerfully in reply, shouldering his black carryall.  
  
I blink. "Huh?" He lost me somewhere.  
  
"My parents happened to have a function today. A friend of my mom's getting married," he explains.  
  
"Oh... And what about when they get back?" I ask, starting to trot towards the bus station; there's a bus that stops really near Ruido, so I thought we'd take the bus for a change.  
  
"What then? A bit too late to do anything about it, isn't it?"  
  
"Never mind, forget I asked. I gather that I'm asking the wrong person the wrong question." Well, actually, it's technically the correct person with the wrong mind.  
  
A half-hour long bus ride later, we are standing at the bus station a few doors to the left of Ruido. There's a little stall behind us selling hot pork buns and a sweet shop across the road. Behind the bun stall is a newsstand and next to that is a 7-11. I haven't eaten my dinner and those pork buns just smell so good and all those yummy scents are wafting over and I just can't resist buying a full dozen for Akira and me. We have scarcely turned our backs on the seller and we're already digging in. My rival promptly proceeds to shove half the bun into his mouth and chomp it greedily.  
  
"Hikaru, I want some sweets," Akira tells me between mouthfuls. "Come on... Let's go buy some over there," he continues, indicating the sweet shop when I don't reply.  
  
I nod, a fair bit too busy chewing a mouthful of pork bun to reply. We cross the overhead bridge and enter the sweet shop on the other side. It's called... Double Sweet Darkness...? Are people running out of names or something? Life just keeps getting weirder and weirder. But it certainly doesn't lack variety, that's for sure. I swear there's everything from pure sugar to concentrated citric acid for sale in there. The décor certainly matches the name though; the walls have been painted completely black with silver borders between it and the ceiling and floor. The carpet is also immaculate in its perfect spotless blackness; the cosmos is depicted to almost lifelike perfection on the ceiling and the shop is illuminated with several spherical white lights made to resemble moons. Simple, but tasteful and expensive; the owner must be nothing short of a millionaire.  
  
"Irasshaimase!! Shinigami Duo Maxwell at your service. How are you today?" a young brunette boy with a very long braid greets cheerfully, executing a dramatic sweeping bow.  
  
"Uh... Fine, thanks," I reply, swallowing a mouthful of pork bun. "Aki, you buying some for Ryuuichi?" I just noticed the background music in here; it's a sugary song I happen to recognise as Fruits Candy. Well, it's apt but ugh.  
  
"Yeah, any ideas?"  
  
"Lollipops."  
  
"Why lollipops?"  
  
"Because lollipops; I think it goes."  
  
"Fine, lollipops."  
  
"Lollipops? Oh, you've gotta try these," Duo enthuses, grabbing Akira by the arm and leading him over to one section. "Chocolate flavoured with real chocolate centre, my personal favourite."  
  
I grab myself a plastic bag and walk to another section to fill it with barley mints. "Hey Aki, you want me to get extra barley mints for you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Peppermint candy canes?"  
  
"Mm!"  
  
"You know, if you like mints, you might want to try today's special. It's over there," Duo points out a compartment to me. "Honey-eucalyptus balls with a hint of chamomile, specially imported from Australia!"  
  
"Can I try one?" I ask.  
  
"Sure! Help yourself! But only one."  
  
"Aa." I pop one into my mouth. It _is_ delicious. "Mm! How much is this stuff?"  
  
"See? Told you you'd like it. It's on offer today, so it's 1500 Yen per hundred grams; don't complain, it's normally 3000 Yen per hundred grams," Duo replies smugly.  
  
"Fine. You American?"  
  
"Yup! How did you know?"  
  
"Duh... It's written all over you." I'm not stupid, you know.  
  
"I'll take twenty of these lollipops, please," Akira tells Duo suddenly. "Oh, and what's this tea candy here?"  
  
"Wow, good intuition. Those are the jasmine ice lemon tea candies. They have that distinct jasmine scent to them. Best tea candy I've ever eaten," Duo replies enthusiastically.  
  
"Right. Five hundred grams of those then and another five hundred grams of those champagne truffles over there," Akira orders decisively.  
  
Duo grins. "You know, why don't you leave me your names and numbers. You and I might just get along really well," he says, going to pack my rival's orders.  
  
"Shindou Hikaru; I don't like giving people my number." If he's going to call me up just to go on and on about everything...  
  
"Touya Akira; I'm not allowed to give people my number." I know he's lying; even with amnesia, Touya Akira can still be such a sweet jerk.  
  
"Oh, well... Too bad, then." He sighs dramatically.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Akira and I are at the counter paying for a large assortment of sweets and chocolates, eating a cotton candy each; Akira's is blueberry flavoured and mine is honeydew flavoured.  
  
"Ara? Duo? I thought you were closing early for the concert today," says a fair blonde boy as he walks in. He is dressed in brown slacks and a lavender white shirt with a violet vest matched with black expensive leather shoes.  
  
"Q-man! Yeah, the day's last customer. Hikaru, Akira, meet Quatre," Duo chirps.  
  
"Hi," we greet in unison as Duo hands us the change.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Hey, Q-man! Where are the others?"  
  
"Ah, you know them. Concerts are not their thing."  
  
"They're not coming? How could they? I mean, Wu-man, I know I'm the problem but Hee-man and Tro-man? I mean, we're going... Can't they take it as a date?"  
  
"Duo..." Quatre inclines his head meaningfully towards us.  
  
Akira and I quickly hold up our hands in supplication. "It's okay; we're uh... open-minded," I tell them. More than open-minded really, closer to acceptant.  
  
"And we're leaving," Akira chips in, leading me out by the elbow.  
  
"Thank you! Please come again!" Duo picks up the phone. "Let me try," he tells Quatre. A pause. "Hee-man..." An even shorter pause. "Quatre, he hung up on me!" Duo whines just before he falls out of our hearing range as we climb back up the overhead bridge.  
  
"Ne, Aki?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"The concert's starting soon. You want some drinks?" I ask as we walk down the bridge back to the other side of the road.  
  
"Mm!" Akira nods with a cheerful smile as we toss the cotton candy sticks into a dustbin.  
  
I grin at him before leading him into the 7-11 and making my way straight to the drinks section at the back. "So, what's for drinks?"  
  
"Well, they don't sell apple juice *with* strawberry ice cream..." my rivals reasons slowly.  
  
Eww... I balk. "Nope, don't think so. Oh! Oh, how about this?" I ask showing him a bottle of Kampai Ice. "It's good, you know..."  
  
"But we're underaged; they might not sell it to us. Say, how did you manage to get your hands on it before anyway?"  
  
"Oh? Waya usually got Isumi to buy it for us, along with a whole lot of other stuff; he's nineteen." I grin mischievously and wink.  
  
"I do not want to know," he declares before turning and approaching a tall blonde guy. He's definitely Japanese but he has slightly American features and amber eyes. "Excuse me, sir; could you do us a favour and help us buy these?" My rival shows the man the two bottles of Kampai Ice.  
  
The man blinks at us as he takes a long drag on his cigarette. "No, buy it yourself," he answers, turning and walking away. Okay, that was mean.  
  
Suddenly... "Yu---ki... That's mean!" a pink-haired... boy -his dress sense makes it hard to tell- complains.  
  
"Urusai."  
  
"Datte, Yu---ki..."  
  
All of a sudden, recognition sinks in and the pieces fall into place in my brain. "Shindou Shuuichi?" The pink-haired singer looks up and grins. "Naraba... Yuki 'tte... Yuki Eiri?" I wonder aloud.  
  
"Na... Yu---ki... See? He's a fan. Don't be mean," Shuuichi implores.  
  
"Damari."  
  
"But Yu---ki..."  
  
"Fine, fine. Just that, right?" the novelist asks Akira.  
  
My rival silently nods and takes out some money to pay for the drinks.  
  
"Fine." He irritably snatches the drinks and money and storms over to the counter to pay for them. Shuuichi winks at us and we tag along and walk out together. Akira has the good grace to thank them for their help and I echo his thanks.  
  
"Hey, you guys going for the concert?" Shuuichi asks suddenly.  
  
"Yeah; Sakuma-san gave us tickets," I reply.  
  
"Oh? You know him that well?"  
  
"Uh... Sorta; we bumped into him at the mall," replies Akira.  
  
"Ah... Well, that's him alright. Sakuma-san's really nice!"  
  
"Aa," we reply in unison.  
  
"Anyway, the concert's starting; why don't you come in with us?"  
  
"Okay..." I agree and we fall in step beside the singer.  
  
"By the way, I'll be doing the opening; Sakuma-san's going to appear 'fashionably late' as they all say. Then we're going to do the duet Twin Blade Rainbow and then he's going to run the show."  
  
"Right-o. Say, where did you guys get that title anyway?"  
  
"We were asked the same question at a press conference. Didn't you watch it?"  
  
My rival and I shake our heads in perfect synchronisation.  
  
"Never mind; what we said then wasn't true anyway. Truth is, we were both drunk after writing the song and Sakuma-san suggested it and at that time it sounded like a great idea and when we passed it to Seguchi-san, he just raised his eyebrows and said nothing. Of course, when we were sober again the next morning and thinking straight, we thought it was quite weird but then Noriko-san said it sounded cute; so, it stuck."  
  
And we face-faulted on cue. That was kinda lame... No wonder they lied at the press conference.  
  
"Okay, we're here. Now I've to go backstage to prepare, see ya! Yu---ki..." he loops his arms around the novelist's neck and leans in for a kiss before running off.  
  
Akira grabs my elbow and leads me into the hall where we pass an usher our tickets and let her guide us to our seats. "Ne, Hikaru?" he whispers.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Is it just me or is everyone we've met today... queer...?" he continues at the same volume.  
  
"No, it's not just you."  
  
"Good, thought so."  
  
We settle down in our seats; Ryuuichi gave us front row tickets! Shindou Shuuichi walks out clad in pink and baby blue with the rest of Bad Luck five minutes later and he waves cheerfully at us before kicking off with Spicy Marmalade. Bad Luck belts out Easy Action and Jounetsu Ballad and then halfway through In The Moonlight (I swear Shuuichi was gazing at Yuki Eiri the entire time he was singing it), Ryuuichi makes his grand entrance decked in skin-tight black leather with the rest of Nittle Grasper and joins in. Ryuuichi then waves at us and blows a kiss to Akira who blushes furiously before singing the duet with Shuuichi; he makes a show of making advances on Shuuichi, attempting some crazy Argentinean tango pose, and even kissing him on the lips during the interlude. Actually, I wonder if it's really just for show or if there is some other meaning behind all that. Then Shuuichi 'flies' away and Ryuuichi proceeds to dazzle the audience with his vocal chords in Shining Collection, during which he tossed his jacket to the audience, much to the delight of his screaming fan girls. I cast a sidelong glance at my rival as we down the Kampai Ice; he seems to be having a good time. Then Ryuuichi demands that we all get up, dance and turn his concert into an orgy and I lose myself to the music.  
  
An energetic hour later, we hurry backstage to meet the members of Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck. Akira's a tad tipsy and his pale skin is flushed at all the most obvious and compromising places. Backstage, it is more like a family gathering than an after-concert rejoicing; Shuuichi is shamelessly making out with Yuki, Hiroshi and Suguru are cuddling in a corner, Noriko is speaking quietly with her husband, Touma is in the arms of a tall American with long blonde hair and clear blue eyes, and some obsessive guy is fawning and falling all over Ryuuichi. Not too far away, a man with black hair and glasses lies still on the floor in a daze. Our approach is as yet unnoticed.  
  
Akira clears his throat.  
  
No response.  
  
I try. "Cosy here, isn't it?"  
  
Freeze. Candid camera moment. Then... "Ah! Cute pair na no da!!" Ryuuichi bursts out suddenly, running over to glomp Akira whose flush immediately deepens to a rich tomato-red shade.  
  
"Oh, you two! I see Sakuma-san gave you backstage passes too," greets Shuuichi, coming over.  
  
"Uh... Here, for you," my rivals tells Ryuuichi, passing him a bag of ten lollipops.  
  
"Huh? Don't I get any?" wails Shuuichi as if on cue.  
  
"Uh... I..."  
  
I decide to rescue Akira. "Yeah, here." I pass him a bag of ten candy canes.  
  
"Yay!"  
  
"Ne, ne, Shuuichi?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Exchange with Ryuuichi?"  
  
"Okay!"  
  
As the two singers swap sweets, I notice the Ryuuichi-obsessed guy glaring venomous daggers at both Shuuichi and Akira and decide to save my rival; I casually put an arm around Akira's shoulder and he -for goodness knows what reason- inches closer to me. The guy appears temporarily appeased and restricts his glaring to Shuuichi. Suddenly, there are gunshots and everyone jumps; the blonde American holding Touma has an AK47 aimed at the Ryuuichi-obsessed guy and everyone's stunned speechless. Akira's openly staring and I'm busy admiring the perfect polished ebony sheen of his gun.  
  
"Get up and lay off boring holes with your eyes, Tatsuha-san," he orders calmly; he speaks with a melodramatic American accent.  
  
Tatsuha stands and backs away while Akira next to me mutters something about a demon from the seventh circle of hell under his breath.  
  
Suddenly, the American starts laughing maniacally and firing his gun at the ceiling. "What a success!" he proclaims in English and I'm not sure if he's talking about Tatsuha's obedience or the concert.  
  
Akira and I silently exchange glances. Weird. Life gets curiouser and curiouser.  
  
"Uh... We should be going," I tell the general public.  
  
"Oh! Okay, then. Bye-bye no da!" Ryuuichi calls, waving cheerfully as we leave.  
  
"Bye-bye! See you soon!" Shuuichi adds.  
  
"Bye!" we reply, walking off.  
  
We hail a cab at eleven at night and make our way to Akira's house. I walk my rival to his front door and he fumbles for his keys a moment before finally fishing it out of his small carryall. He picks the correct one and unlocks the door. We look at each other awkwardly for a moment.  
  
I find my tongue first. "Uh... I guess it's goodnight, then...?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
"Right-o. Um... Goodnight then."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
I turn and start to walk away.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
I pause midstep. "Hm?"  
  
He steps closer. "I had fun today."  
  
"Good, me too."  
  
He looks me in the face; our gazes meet and hold. His pale creamy skin is still flushed from the alcohol and I have to fight down the wave of heat that washes over me. "We uh... should do stuff like that more often."  
  
"Yeah. I'll take you to the next concert that comes if it's nice and available."  
  
"Right."  
  
Minutes pass as we simply stand there looking at each other, then Akira slides his eyes shut. I lean closer almost instinctively; his lips are slightly parted and they look so soft and I want to but... I sharply turn away. Touya would kill me; he would never have wanted this.  
  
"I should go," I tell Akira, stepping away and turning my back to him. He's one side of the coin and Touya's the other; so alike yet so different. I feel my eyes sting as tears come unbidden. This was all I ever wanted with Touya; more than Go, more than the competition and rivalry, more than anything, I wanted us to be friends. Maybe more than that even. And now that I have what I want, Touya's... gone. I brush away the tears and blink the rest back.  
  
"Yeah... Hey, Hikaru? Is something wrong?" Akira asks, concern lacing his voice.  
  
"No, no; I'm fine. Just sleepy, that's all," I lie, blinking my eyes furiously.  
  
"Right. Um... Why don't you come in and spend the night here? It's late." He opens the door invitingly.  
  
"But I don't have my stuff and..." I protest.  
  
"It's okay; you can use mine for now. It's not safe to walk around at this hour," he reasons.  
  
I hesitate, then... "Alright, then." I walk into his house and toe off my sneakers. "You know, Aki, you sound like my mom," I tell him.  
  
"Oh, why you..." He throws a half-hearted punch at my shoulder in mock fury and we laugh our way to his room.  
  
A/N: I don't know how the Gundam Wing crew ended up here; I know the  
timeline's way off but there are some defects with my core logic anyway  
so you guys can just declare me crazy and work on the idea that they  
fell through a black hole, met Sailor Pluto and found a way back in time  
or something.  
  
Glossary:  
  
Na... Ka na... Hikaru 'tte ba... = 'Aww... can't we...? Hikaru...' or something like that; Sai says this at one point in the anime. I can't translate it; the effect would be lost.  
  
Urusai = 'noisy'; comes off as 'shut up'  
  
Datte ... = 'but ...'  
  
Naraba ... = 'then ...'  
  
Damari = 'shut up' 


	6. Sunrise, Sunset Homecoming

A/N: Hey guys(and/or girls and/or whatever)! I'm writing as fast as I  
can and I hope you guys are still enjoying this fic. Please keep  
reviewing and thanks for all your (moral) support!  
  
Chapter 5: Sunrise, Sunset ~Homecoming~  
  
~Akira~  
  
Hikaru had his first Honinbou league final game yesterday and insisted I come with him to the Go Institute. I followed him into the game room before the game began and the atmosphere was... well, electrifying. After that, he took me to a room with a TV to watch the game. I didn't understand anything that his opponent and him were doing but I just found myself completely drawn in somehow; I was glued to the screen the entire duration of the game. His opponent played a few hands that I sort of knew were rather good but then, so did Hikaru. Hikaru won by 2 and a half mokus in the end, much to my happiness and -strangely- satisfaction.  
  
Evidently, I'm rather well known around there since almost everyone I met asked about my 'condition'. I also overheard some slightly disturbing news; everyone kept wondering why Hikaru and I seemed so close suddenly, as if we never used to be so friendly with each other. In fact, what I overheard of their hushed discussions seems to imply that I used to be horrid to Hikaru. Well, I know Hikaru and I are supposed to be rivals and we used to argue a lot, of course, but I had assumed that we were the friend-rival type and not enemy-rival type. Everything I overheard seems to imply otherwise. But if we were the enemy-rival type, why does it feel so wonderful being with him? I mean, even before I found out who he was at the hospital, I never wanted him to ever be unhappy. I don't think anyone feels that way about enemies.  
  
Which is why I'm sitting here quietly beside him in the subway train, nervously fingering the hem of my new sweatshirt. We're on the way to my junior high school, Kaiou, where he says we played as third captains in a team tournament during our first year in junior high. He found out that the winter tournament was taking place today, which is why we are going there; he says that watching the team tournament might bring back some memories of the time we played. Which brings me back to why I'm sitting here beside him in silence on the train-ride there, nervously fingering the hem of my new sweatshirt; if I really was horrid to Hikaru before I lost my memory, then I never want to remember my life before the amnesia; I don't want to ever go back to being horrid to him.  
  
"Aki?" he questions suddenly, startling me out of my reverie.  
  
"Huh?" I manage weakly, not having heard anything he'd said in the past five minutes or so. I'm not sure if he's even been talking, being so utterly lost in thought and all.  
  
"Are you alright? You've barely spoken since last night. Did I do or say something wrong?" he asks, a concerned look on his face.  
  
"Ah, no! I mean, I'm fine but you haven't done or said anything wrong and I'm sorry I caused you to misunderstand or worry but..." I tell him, the words rushed in my alarm.  
  
"Whoa, Aki, calm down. I was just concerned, that's all. So, why have you been so quiet suddenly?" he interrupts.  
  
"Ah... I was just... thinking, that's all."  
  
"Before you lost your memory, I'd have bet an entire month's allowance you were thinking about Go strategies; now, I don't know. What have you been thinking about?"  
  
"You knew me that well?" I ask, in a feeble but hopeful attempt at changing the subject.  
  
"I wish; you were just... uh... predictable. It's not like you think about much else but anyway, what were you thinking about?" Okay, plan foiled.  
  
"Oh, nothing much. I was just wondering why there doesn't seem to be even one person at that Go Institute that doesn't know me, that's all," I lie nonchalantly.  
  
"You're cute and popular, that's why. We're here," he says, standing and getting off the train with me close behind. "There's something you're not telling me; I know something's worrying you but it's okay if you don't want to tell me about it."  
  
I wonder if he only said that to guilt-trip me into telling him since I really do feel bad about not telling him now; he probably knew for fact it'd make me feel bad and I wouldn't put it past him to try guilt-tripping me. "I say, Hikaru?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"How did I end up with amnesia? I mean, everyone says I had an accident but no one's been anywhere near forthcoming about how it happened. Can you tell me?" I ask him as we climb the stairs out of the station.  
  
A long silence; no answer.  
  
"Hikaru?" I look up at him.  
  
Still no answer. He has an unreadable expression on his face and I distinctly feel like I've asked the wrong question.  
  
"Uh, it's okay if..."  
  
"You were run down by a car," he interjects flatly.  
  
I blink. "Oh..."  
  
"To save me," he bites out with a startling vehemence.  
  
I blink again. Twice. "Oh... I..."  
  
"It's my fault you can't remember anything," he says bitterly.  
  
I am suddenly overcome by an overwhelming desire to hug him but settle for taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly instead. He looks up at me sadly and I smile at him. "It's okay; stop blaming yourself. I'm glad I did."  
  
Now it's his turn to blink. "Lose your memory?" he questions, confused.  
  
"No, save you, silly." Actually, depending on how I used to be, I might really be glad I lost my memory but I'm not about to tell him that. We step out in front of a row of shops and I follow him down the road. I have not released his hand and I really don't want to anyway. "I wouldn't want our current positions reversed; you're probably a much better tour guide than I could ever be," I tell him jokingly.  
  
He chuckles softly. "Yeah, I don't think shopping and concerts even existed in Touya's dictionary. You were right in thinking that you weren't normal."  
  
"Hey! I try to comfort you and look what I get in return. I try to be nice and reassuring and you start teasing me," I whine, pouting petulantly.  
  
I lament to no avail; he just gets even more amused and giggles hysterically to himself. "It's still quite early. You want to eat something before going there?" he asks finally, after several fits of hysterical laughter.  
  
I give him a dirty Look. "Sukiyaki," I reply grudgingly.  
  
He laughs some more. "Right-o, sukiyaki it is," he agrees and leads me off to a restaurant.  
  
Ten minutes later, we are sitting at a table in a restaurant with a boiling pot of sukiyaki and a plate of half a dozen onigiris between us. As we eat quietly, my earlier worries return to haunt me. Now I'm even more confused. All other feelings and theories aside, why would I willingly sacrifice my life to save Hikaru if we were like enemies? I don't understand. I want to ask him about it but if that's the way it was, then I don't want to remind him. I don't feel any hatred or malice for him and I don't think he does towards me either. In fact, he's been so wonderful that I simply can't believe he dislikes me. But I don't know for sure and I'm afraid to find out in case I end up not liking what I hear.  
  
"I never knew you liked sukiyaki," my rival remarks suddenly as he takes a huge bite of an onigiri, snapping my train of thought.  
  
"I don't know; just felt like it today. I wouldn't remember if I did."  
  
"Now that I think about it, there are many things I never knew about you. You probably knew me better than I did you." His eyes cloud with regret. "I only wish I had gotten to know you better before this happened," he says sadly, helping himself to some konnyaku noodles.  
  
"Maybe you did; you just never realized it. Besides, it wasn't your fault, was it?"  
  
Oh, come on; you don't have to keep trying to make me feel better, Aki. I don't even know what your favourite drink was. Or your favourite subject in school, or..."  
  
"Apple juice with strawberry ice cream. Japanese Literature," I tell him without thinking.  
  
He narrows his eyes. "I thought you said you couldn't remember!" he says accusingly.  
  
"I can't!" I protest defensively. "I just sort of think I like those stuff, okay?" I pause in thought. "Well, now's your chance. What would you like to know?"  
  
"I can ask anything?"  
  
"Yeah, anything."  
  
"Anything?" he repeats incredulously.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Okay... Do you play video games?"  
  
"I don't think so. I don't own a Playstation. Or a PS2, or a X-box, or a..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah; I get the point," he cuts in. "Um...Watch movies? What's your favourite movie?"  
  
"I don't think so and I don't know."  
  
"Manga?"  
  
"Didn't. Not until you got me those few and now Chobits and CCS."  
  
"Shopping? Hang out with friends?"  
  
"Doubt it; don't think so."  
  
"Do you even do anything besides play Go?" he asks in utter exasperation.  
  
"Judging by what's in my room, I surmise that I read and use the computer."  
  
"Right-o. What do you read? Besides kifu and Go strategies and joseki, that is."  
  
"Uh... Tanka."  
  
He chokes on his food and starts coughing and spluttering very badly. "You read tanka?" he asks incredulously after half a glass of iced tea.  
  
Well, I didn't think he'd take it too well but I never thought he'd take it this badly. "Yeah. And haiku, and other types of poetry."  
  
"Touya Akira reads poetry and likes Japanese Literature," he repeats to himself, shaking his head in disbelief. "And just when I thought it couldn't get worse. Never mind; what do you do on the computer? I mean, besides playing Go."  
  
"I don't know what I did with it before but now, I use it to play Counterstrike."  
  
His eyes widen with amazement. "Oh God, maybe amnesia is good for you after all; you got yourself a life!" he enthuses melodramatically. "Touya Akira now plays Counterstrike," he adds quietly to himself.  
  
I decide to ignore the blatant implication that I lacked a life previously. "Anything else?"  
  
"Hm... What do you like to eat?" he asks.  
  
"Um... Sukiyaki, I guess... Sashimi? Mom says I like konnyaku jelly and right now, I'd really like some barley mints, lollipops, cotton candy..." His eyes widen as I go down the list. "...Champagne truffles, mint chocolate, jelly beans, Skittles, M & Ms, Snickers, Mars Bars, the like." He simply gapes at me. "Now, enough about me. How about you? What do you do besides play Go?" I ask him calmly.  
  
He blinks. Twice. "The normal stuff that you don't," he replies finally.  
  
"Like...?" I coax.  
  
"Video games, manga, movies, hang out, you know... Normal stuff."  
  
"Hang out?" I repeat.  
  
"Yeah. I do have friends, you know..." he informs me dryly with a dirty Look.  
  
I feel my chest tighten slightly with an unfamiliar tension. A stab of jealousy, I think, or maybe envy. Yeah, he has friends and I don't; I have people to share him with. Now I know why people say both those emotions are green. "Right," I reply, finishing my lunch.  
  
We pay, leave the restaurant, and make our way to Kaiou. My junior high school is huge, neat, and from what Hikaru tells me, has a good reputation and a very big Go club. The interschool team tournaments are held here twice a year every year. I let Hikaru lead me up stairs and down corridors that seem at once familiar and yet unknown to the tournament room. We pass by a few rooms on the way and I can't shake the feeling that something bad once happened in one of them. I absently wonder what happened there that was bad enough to leave a subconscious impression and then all of a sudden we're at the tournament room and the atmosphere of intense concentration just blows my mind. There are thirty students in there, all of whom are busy playing Go, and a teacher keeping an eye on them. My rival waves at the teacher who looks vaguely foreign and he comes over.  
  
"Konnichiwa, Yun-sensei," Hikaru greets politely.  
  
"Konnichiwa," I echo. I was right; Chinese or Korean, then.  
  
"Shindou-kun, Touya-kun; how nice to see you here. So, what brings you back to Kaiou?" the teacher asks, his slight accent betraying his Korean roots. "If either of you came alone, I'd think you came to see how your ex- school's team is doing this year. But when you two turn up together..." He shrugs.  
  
"Memories," my rival replies suavely, inclining his head meaningfully towards me.  
  
"Ah... I heard." He nods understandingly. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Oh, it's okay. It's not so bad really, like a holiday with Hikaru as a tour guide," I chip in smoothly.  
  
Yun-sensei blinks. Twice. Hikaru coughs slightly, probably to disguise a chuckle. He glances at Hikaru who pretends to be interested in the scenery outside the window. "Right," he says finally. "Uh... Is there anything I can do for you?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. The seat we played at last time is empty; you think you could spare us a Goban and some stones? I'm trying to jolt someone's memory here," Hikaru informs him.  
  
"Sure, just try not to be a distraction...?"  
  
"Aa," we agree simultaneously.  
  
The good teacher blinks again, but wisely chooses to let the matter slide and instead walks off to fetch us the Goban. I let my rival lead me to a table by the window and I obediently sit opposite instead of beside him. "This is exactly where we sat when we played in the team competition during our freshman year; we were both third captains," he tells me, having decided to enlighten me on the idea.  
  
"Oh," I respond glumly; I'm not even sure I want to regain my memory.  
  
"Back then, I lost really badly to you and you accused me of playing around."  
  
I look up at him. "Were you?"  
  
"Playing around? No, that wasn't it. Anyway, you were really furious and disappointed. Till this day, I don't know if you ever forgave me," he says sadly.  
  
"Would it be enough if I forgive you now?" I ask impulsively.  
  
He looks up at me and blinks. "Now? Well, of course. Why wouldn't it be enough, Aki?"  
  
"Because I'm not quite myself now, am I?"  
  
"You are... Touya Akira," he says at last.  
  
Then... "Here you go!" Yun-sensei hands Hikaru a Goban with two Go-tsubos.  
  
Hikaru promptly thanks him and he returns to 'invigilating' the tournament. "Here, you start," my rival tells me, handing me a Go-tsubo.  
  
"Do we really have to?" I take the offered tsubo. "Can't we do something like watch a movie instead?" I implore.  
  
Hikaru face-faults. "Uh... Well, just humour me. Since you can't remember, why don't you place nine stones?" he suggests tentatively.  
  
"Uh... Alright," I submit resignedly and proceed to place nine stones on the board.  
  
"Um... Like this." Hikaru moves the nine stones on to the nine little black squares; the hoshi, was it? Then he places a white stone on my 14-3.  
  
"Ara? I thought I start..."  
  
"Not in a handicapped game. In such cases, white always starts."  
  
"Oh." And I resignedly place my stones wherever I think I should with a sigh.  
  
Half an hour later, Hikaru has his face buried in his hands. I lost... by 82 moku. Oops... I guess I really can't remember after all. Truth is, I feel really sick about myself now. He gave me a _nine_ stone handicap and I still lost by *82* moku. Despair! This has got to be my life's worse embarrassment, since I don't think I've ever lost this badly before. Actually, I'm not really sure why I'm so angry with myself for losing. It probably has something to do with the fact that it's Go I'm playing and it's Hikaru I'm playing with. Hikaru looks up with an I-give-up look on his face. Then he swiftly starts clearing the stones on the board and I realize why a moment later; there are a few people approaching, two guys and a girl.  
  
"Excuse me, Shindou-sensei, Touya-sensei; uh... could you play Shidougo with us please?" the girl asks us shyly.  
  
Shidougo? That's... Suddenly, a score of images flashes past my eyes; memories, people, a shock of yellow and black, a burst of murky green, pieces of black and white... They speed by, flying just out of reach. I don't...  
  
"Can you play a teaching game with me?" a voice asks; vague yet familiar, I can't grasp it. "Blind Go is tough even for the pros." Is that... me? Voices, voices... Whirling into a maelstrom of sound. "Don't play around!!" Anger. Bitterness. Disappointment. If I'm the best, I should be able to play blind Go easily. "Fine, 16-4 hoshi." A sneer, a smirk, a leering taunt. "That was a beautiful game. I'm so envious. Why couldn't I have been your opponent?" A smile, a joy, a nostalgic voice. "I won't play with you, Touya." Why? Hurt. I don't understand! Sorrow. "Shindou!!" "If only you weren't here." But he left me no choice. "Why did you join the Go club?" Because I wanted... the magic... There was nothing I wanted more. "Because of you everyone is upset." Upset... "Looking for an opponent? Okay, I'll play with you." I'll play with you... "It's fine, I don't need a handicap. After all, we're the same age, right?" That voice. A grin, a shock, a dark intrigue. "Become a pro for a bit and just win a few titles?! That's an insult to all the current Go pros!! Do you know the heights of the pros?! Do you realize how hard it is?!" The perseverance, the pain, the disappointment, all the hard work... Hours, days, years of endless practice. Just become a pro... Outrage. Sai. Why do I keep overlapping him with the old Shindou? Who is Sai? "There's another you. The Shindou Hikaru I first met; he is Sai." "No...The Go that you play is all that you are. That won't change and that's enough." Enough... Will it ever be enough? I want... everything... "I might tell you someday." Tell me someday... What's your secret? Will I like what I hear? I might tell you someday... Tell you someday... Tell you someday... I can't hear... I don't understand... "Can you play a teaching game with me?" A teaching game...? "Play a game with me?" Play a game with me. Play a game with me. Play a game with me... Play a game... Shindou, I want...  
  
"Ah... uh!" I cry out softly in pain and hold my head in my hands. I squeeze my eyes shut; my head feels like it's incinerating from the inside out.  
  
"Akira!!" Concern. My rival is on me in an instant. My rival... That's right, my eternal rival; Shindou Hikaru. I collapse into his arms. "Akira, daijoubu?"  
  
I force my eyes open and regret it immediately; the bright light just makes the searing pain in my head worse. But I have to... I look up at the person who has become so much a part of my life that I can't imagine a life without him. "Shindou, boku ga..."  
  
His eyes widen. "Touya!"  
  
"I want... I... Play a game with me..."  
  
Darkness... Nothing.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
"I took him to Kaiou," I speak into the phone at the hospital.  
  
"And then.?" Touya Meijin.  
  
"A girl asked us for Shidougo and then he fainted."  
  
"Right. We're coming."  
  
Click. I look at the handset before replacing it in its cradle. That's leaving out a lot.  
  
Touya. Please, come back to me.  
  
* * *  
  
I quietly push the door open and step in before letting it click softly shut behind me and walking silently into the ward.  
  
"Shindou!"  
  
I turn. My rival is sitting up on the bed surrounded by his immediate family and Ishikawa-san. What a coincidence. I just go to the bathroom for a few minutes and he wakes up in my absence. How pleasant of you, Touya; you're still the sweet jerk I remember. I roll my eyes. "Touya," I acknowledge.  
  
He points a long slender finger at me; I blink and raise my eyebrows. "You... I... Play a game with me now!" he orders imperiously. At least he's trying to be imperious, but trying too hard and failing miserably.  
  
I turn a chuckle into a cough. "Um... Goban...?" I point out.  
  
"I..." He averts his gaze.  
  
A doctor enters in the nick of time. He is dressed completely in white with a trench coat to complete the picture. He has fine silver hair and a fake left eye; he actually looks creepy. The doctor insists on performing a nice long check-up on an extremely restless and impatient Aki- Touya, much to my amusement. A-Touya keeps pestering the good doctor to hurry up and yet, is being completely uncooperative. Five minutes into the check-up and I'm already openly laughing, whether from amusement or happiness or a combination of both, I don't know. The Touya I knew best is back and as annoying as ever. And typically Touya, he wants to play Go now; and he means, right now. I shake my head to myself as he irritably puts up with the examinations, muttering complaints to himself all the while.  
  
"Hey!! What are you...? Don't touch me!!" Touya shrieks suddenly. I blink.  
  
The weird doctor straightens. "Ah, well... Too bad... Nice but... wrong... You don't have... those eyes... that quality..." he states quietly. "Okay, you can go," he says, louder this time signing the discharge papers. He really is creepy.  
  
"Right," Touya's father acknowledges, taking the documents. "Thank you, Doctor...?"  
  
"Kazutaka, Muraki Kazutaka," he replies with a hair-raising creepy smile.  
  
Akira gets up and hurries off to change out of the hospital gown. Dr. Muraki seems content to linger and the air in the room seems stiff. The more I think of it, the more I find that this doctor simply reeks of evil. Hell, he even looks evil, damn it! I hope nothing's wrong with Touya. I wouldn't put it past him to plant something in my rival and his other patients using whatever dark art it is he practices; the man doesn't seem quite human. He fixes me with a stare and I quickly but casually avert my gaze to the window. Suddenly, his eyes light up with a glint I can only describe as chilling.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san..." he whispers quietly to himself in obvious delight. Then he looks around at us, his gaze lingering creepily on me; I feel goosebumps and my hair stands on end. "Excuse me," he says at last. "I must be going." He turns and leaves the room.  
  
Barely three seconds later, A-Touya pops his head in. "Is he still here?" he asks the general public. We all know who he means by 'he'.  
  
I shake my head. "He left three seconds ago. Didn't you see him outside?"  
  
He looks at me, eyes wide with horror. "No, the corridor is empty," he answers slowly.  
  
I feel a chill up my spine. I mean, I know Sai was a good ghost but I've heard of bad ghosts too; what if the doctor was... I quickly grab my jacket from off the chair I draped it over. "A-Touya, I'm sorry to have to delay our game a little while more but I'm think I'll pay the nearest temple a visit first. Excuse me." I bow and turn to leave.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
I pause and turn.  
  
My rival hurries towards me. "I think I'll go to. Itte kimasu," he calls before we hurry out together.  
  
As it turns out, the nearest temple happens to be a temple of Inari, the thousand-tailed fox goddess of women and fertility[1]. Well, not one I'd ever _want_ to visit but then, beggars can't be choosers; right now, I'm rather too spooked to care. A-Touya gives me a queasy look but doesn't complain. We quickly climb the steps up to the temple and hurry into the temple. There is a... person clad in a white robe kneeling on a cushion before the altar. The person stands and turns to face us, taking off the large white scarf covering his or her head. I find myself staring at a creature of enthralling beauty; emerald green eyes quite like Touya's, waist-length flowing scarlet tresses, small mouth, high slightly pointed nose, and a flawless complexion add up to a vision of perfection. The beauty before me is of slight build and medium height, with fair smooth skin, slender fingers, a slender neck, and a slightly pointed chin. All these observations and I have still failed to determine the person's gender. I finally decide to make a lucky guess and pick 'female'.  
  
"Uh... Sister, I..." I begin.  
  
Those perfect features cloud over slightly. "I'm hardly anyone's sister," the person interjects calmly; a soft gentle contralto, almost musical in quality. Oops, wrong choice.  
  
"Sorry. Um... Father, I..." I try again.  
  
"Kurama," he corrects. "I'm not a priest; something like an acolyte, I guess. But the point is... Call me father again and I'll just kill you," Kurama tells us calmly, his tone still even and polite.  
  
I don't need to be told twice. "Um... Kurama-san, I need two talismans against evil. The strongest ones you have, please."  
  
He raises his perfectly arched eyebrows. "What? You guys met a demon or something?"  
  
"Uh... I'm not sure but he fairly reeked of evil though."  
  
"Very well, then; come with me." He turns and leads us down two corridors to the back courtyard of the temple. "Kasumi-sama," he greets with slight reverence.  
  
A woman -this time I'm sure she's a woman- of equal beauty to that of Kurama's sits upon the branch of a nearby cherry tree with a swallow perched on her right forefinger. She is dressed in a white robe like Kurama's but it is sleeveless with a silver sash at her waist and an open white overcoat. She also wears a string of beads around her neck like most priests or priestesses do and a glittering translucent silvery-white mantel with a round collar of fine silvery-white fur. Her hair is knee-length, straight, and white-blonde and her eyes are frosty sapphire orbs. Her hair is kept back by two thins braids -one on either side- tied together with a thin silver ribbon at the back and a light fringe frames a fine-boned slightly oval face with high nose and cheekbones as well as a small mouth with full lips. The swallow takes flight and Kasumi pushes off the tree gracefully, landing lightly on her feet despite wearing silver getas[2]. She walks over silently, her back straight and posture regal with poise and grace.  
  
"Please meet the Lady Toukou Kasumi, High Priestess of the Order of Inari," Kurama introduces.  
  
"Konnichiwa, Kasumi-sama," Touya and I greet reverently at the same time.  
  
The priestess smiles kindly. "Konnichiwa. I see you met Kurama," she observes, her voice a soft alto and definitely musical. Her voice seemed to linger in the air long after she had stopped speaking and where Muraki exuded a dark presence, she had a powerful aura of peace and light. "You are fortunate. His kind is rarely seen now, even in their homeland," she speaks again, her voice almost hypnotic as she reaches out to bury her fingers in his hair. Lady Kasumi is tall, nearing six feet in height. "He is the guardian of this temple now but don't let that stunning beauty and nice polite act fool you; he's hardly as supplicant as he looks. Kurama only serves because I healed his mother once and his lover is busy elsewhere."  
  
Kurama merely smiles. "You do see through everything, don't you, Kasumi- sama?"  
  
"What kind of high priestess would I be if I didn't? Anyway, speaking of which, how is Shiori-san?"  
  
"Rather well, I believe, thanks to you."  
  
"No, there is more. She does not wish to leave; she resists going. She still has a strong attachment to this life, as the Shinigamis say; her will to live is strong. There would be nothing I can do if that were not so. Something keeps her here and strongly believe it stands before me now."  
  
Kurama smiles but remains silent.  
  
"And Hiei? Still with Mukuro?"  
  
His features cloud over at the mention of the name. "Yes, Kasumi-sama."  
  
"I wouldn't worry about it, dear. Mukuro's scarcely your rival in that which troubles you."  
  
His eyes widen in surprise. "You knew?!"  
  
"Of course. Like I said, what kind of high priestess would I be if I didn't?" She turns to us. "I'm sorry, your patience must be wearing thin."  
  
Touya swallows guiltily and averts his gaze but remains silent.  
  
"Well, how may I help you? What exactly brings a rare couple of boys to the temple of the great Lady Inari?" she asks.  
  
I blush lightly and swallow thickly before speaking; Toukou Kasumi has got to be the most intimidating lady I've ever met and ever will meet. "Uh... We'd like talismans, Kasumi-sama. The strongest ones you have."  
  
She raises her eyebrows. "To what end? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you two ran into demons; but then, you wouldn't be here. So what exactly do you need wards of that magnitude for?"  
  
"Uh... Someone we met. He's creepy and scary and a psychotic raving maniac..." Touya replies before I can. Oh, God; Touya's talking.  
  
"Oh, that sounds like someone I know." The lady gives us appraising look and nods understandingly. "Let me guess, Muraki Kazutaka."  
  
"You know him?" my rival asks in amazement.  
  
"Naturally. In this area, everyone who does what I do does. But I'm not just your average cleric, so don't expect every temple to have heard of him. I do a lot more than pray. But I'm sorry to say that if he's as interested in you as he is in someone else I know, then nothing short of staying dead or here permanently will keep him from you."  
  
Touya looks like he's going to be sick.  
  
"He doesn't come here because I do not allow it and I possess the power to keep him out, but most importantly because I am not within his range of preferences. Anyhow, I'll give you something to deflect freezing magic. If nothing else, it'll give you a little time to run away since he can't stop you with magic. But he won't be tricked by the same thing twice, so pray he's not interested in you. The man's crazy, but he's smart; brilliant, in fact, in a rather twisted way."  
  
I quickly start praying to every single kami I can remember for Muraki's disinterest. I know Touya started praying a long time ago. We follow Kasumi- sama to the altar and I watch as she takes something from a drawer nearby before kneeling and praying. Holding the item between her hands, she begins to chant softly. I stare in utter amazement as her hands glow softly with a white light and white mist forms and swirls around her hands while she chants. A minute later, the light and mist fade and she rises. She walks over and ties a thin bracelet with a yellow stone set in silver and two silver beads on it around each of our left wrists. Out of the blue, she smiles.  
  
"I see the thread of fate[3]," she explains calmly. "I wish you both happiness."  
  
"Uh... Thanks," Aki-Touya replies.  
  
"Thank you. By the way, how did you come to know Muraki?" I question.  
  
"He's notorious among some people I work with. Speaking of which..." She steps past us towards the front courtyard and we turn to see what caught her attention. A blonde boy stands not too far away, carrying an unconscious man in a black trench coat. The boy has big emerald green eyes while the man has brown hair. "Hisoka," greets Kasumi quietly, with her back to us.  
  
"Kasumi-sama," Hisoka acknowledges. "I'd like to leave Tsuzuki with you." He sounds anxious, worried, and tired.  
  
"If I know Tsuzuki-san, there can only be two reasons for this; which one is it this time, Muraki or the Grand Duke Astalte?" Maybe that's the someone she mentioned...?  
  
"Bad news; both, one after the other. That's why I'm here; this is the only place I know that's off-limits to both."  
  
"Indeed... Is Kira with you?"  
  
"That's who I'm going back to the..." he notices us. "... the other side to fetch. Tatsumi's distracting them at the moment."  
  
"Very well. Kurama," she calls. "Please take Tsuzuki-san inside. When you're done with him, go call Yuusuke."  
  
Kurama takes the man from Hisoka's arms and walks away into the temple.  
  
"If Astalte is getting as desperate as I think he is, my power alone might not be sufficient. Hisoka, while you're there, please call my sister Arisa."  
  
His eyes widen visibly in astonishment. "You knew?!"  
  
"That she became a demon-slayer after her death? Of course. Now go."  
  
Hisoka turns and hurries down the steps out of sight.  
  
Kasumi whistles, a clear musical sound almost as if played to perfection on a flute, and a swallow swoops down to land on her forefinger. The priestess slips something onto the bird's right foot. "Rei, find Sumeragi Subaru for me. Go." The swallow flies away and she turns to us. "Please, you must go."  
  
"Uh... Right, we were going to leave anyway," I tell her, taking my rival by the elbow. "Thank you and excuse us." I hurry down the steps with Touya and turn to face him when we reach the bottom and stop. "Why don't we play at your house?" I suggest.  
  
~Akira~  
  
"Why don't we play at your house?"  
  
I blink. "My house?" I echo incredulously. He's inviting himself to my house. Wait, he's already been there, quite recently slept there even.  
  
He nods.  
  
"Um... Fine, alright," I agree grudgingly.  
  
We take the subway and then walk to my house in silence. What was I thinking, inviting him to stay the night like that? I shake my head quietly to myself as I step in and greet my parents who have already reached home. I lead him to my room, silently berating myself over losing to him with a nine-stone handicap. How could I have lost, even with amnesia? And that had to be Shindou I lost to, damn it. I walk into my room, grab the Goban from the corner I keep it in and place it in the middle of the floor. Shindou sits down on one side, wordlessly taking a Go-tsubo and I do the same, sitting down opposite him. We Nigiri and I win, taking the tsubo with black stones from him and passing him the one with white. I gaze at the board for a moment, then finally lift a stone and place it on the 4-16 hoshi.  
  
My rival places a stone on his upper left komoku. We continue taking turns to place our stones. Damn, I missed this; we barely played all the time I was an amnesiac. I quickly play an ikken-tobi in response to his hane and he attaches. We play a few more hands. Damn it, he's improved. A lot. I attack his lower right and he responds correctly almost instantly. I still see a shadow of the Internet player Sai in him when he plays. I look up at him as I place my stone. That look of intense concentration, how I have missed it. I return my gaze to the Goban as Shindou answers my attack. I hesitate, that's... That hand... It's... amazing; it almost completely disables the attack. Stronger, so much stronger in just slightly more than a month. I realize once again why I was drawn to him from the first, why among all other players he is my rival. Shindou Hikaru, you are... You are truly my rival, now and forever.  
  
I play a hand close by, now even more determined to win this game. I must connect. If I connect, there shouldn't be much he can do. Damn, he knows what I'm trying to do and he's not making it easy. Perhaps if I just strengthen here...? Good, he hasn't noticed just yet. But he will soon enough. He hesitates for a moment, then attacks. Shit, he noticed. Well, I'd expect nothing less. Half an hour later, the game is over and I feel terrible. I lost by four and a half moku. He's gotten so much better in all the time I haven't played. Despair, despair, despair... No, I can't; I must improve, must surpass him. I can't let one defeat get me down.  
  
"Touya?"  
  
I look up at him.  
  
"I missed that."  
  
I blink. Twice. "Yeah," I agree at last.  
  
"It was a great game. You just need to practice to regain the touch."  
  
"Quit trying to console me." I know I sound horribly ungrateful and bitter; the first of which I'm not, the second of which I am.  
  
"No, it was. Best I've played in a while."  
  
Somehow, that made me feel a lot better. "Shall we discuss it?"  
  
He looks up at the clock on the wall and I wonder at the fact that he knows precisely where it is. Shindou shakes his head. "No, it's late; I should go. Save it, Touya; we'd probably end up arguing if we did anyway." My rival rises.  
  
I hate to admit that he's right. I stand up as he walks to the door. "I'll uh... see you to the door," I tell him.  
  
"Hm."  
  
I walk with him to the gate outside in awkward silence and open the gate for him.  
  
He turns. "Um... I guess I'll go now. Goodnight." He turns back around and starts to walk away.  
  
"Um... Shindou!"  
  
He pauses and turns. "Hm?"  
  
"Um... Thanks." I can feel the colour rising in my cheeks; I can't believe I'm standing here thanking Shindou Hikaru. But it would be horribly rude and ungrateful not to and it would leave me with no right to complain about him being rude and tactless if I didn't.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Uh... Everything." I'm amazed to find that I actually kind of mean it; I _am_ thankful. "I heard from Ishikawa-san that you spent almost the entire time I was in a coma at the hospital. And you've been taking me around these past couple of weeks, so..."  
  
He shakes his head and looks up at me sadly. "Please don't thank me, Touya. It was all my fault to begin with anyway. I should be the one thanking you. It was supposed to have been me in that ward. Thank you," he responds, walking back over.  
  
I smile instinctively. "Right, um... Goodnight, then."  
  
"Aa." Out of the blue, he hugs me. "Sorry, it's just good to have you back."  
  
I tentatively return the embrace and shake my head. "Iia, it's good to be back... Sorta."  
  
He lets go and steps away. "Right, goodnight."  
  
I watch him as he walks away until even his silhouette fades from sight in the darkness of night before latching the gate, turning around and making my way back up to my room. Upon entering, I let my gaze rest on the Goban a while. No, it was my loss; he's improved so much in the short time I was... disoriented. I slide my eyes shut for a moment before kneeling to clear the board. Disappointment and satisfaction swims around in me. I am disappointed in myself and at the same time, satisfied that he's as skilled and talented as I remember. Shindou Hikaru... You are... an enigma. Yet even now I feel as if something's missing somewhere... Like everything I have now is somehow not enough; I wonder what is that missing piece of the puzzle as I place the last of the stones back in its tsubo and replace the cover. I sit back and my gaze inevitably lands on the bookshelf on the opposite wall; something there catches my eye. 'Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, Earthian, Rurouni Kenshin...' I read the titles. Manga. Suddenly, the full force of what I've done in the past couple of weeks hits me in its entirety.  
  
Candy, clothes, ice cream. Oh my God. Circus, concert, shopping. No way. And... Oh my God! Touchwood, perish the thought. Oh God... I cross the room to my bed and bury my face in my pillow in despair. "I am never leaving this room!!" I wail in anguish.  
  
A/N: Hi guys! This has got to be the fic's longest chapter so far. Hope  
you enjoyed it and here are some explanations regarding some things.  
Firstly, just to make it clear, Toukou Kasumi is an original character.  
It's kind of too bad she plays such a small part in this fic, leaving me  
no time to develop her better. Anyway, the rest is as follows:  
  
[1] = Inari is a Shinto goddess, for those who haven't heard of her.  
Anyone who knows better and thinks I made a mistake somewhere in my  
description of her is free to correct me and I'll fix it, meaning no  
disrespect to the good Lady.  
[2] = Getas are those Japanese clogs you see around in Anime; not the  
most comfortable of footwear, if I say so myself.  
[3] = I heard somewhere that around your last finger there is a  
'thread' that connects you to your destined partner in life (or  
soulmate, if you like). For girls, it's on the right hand while for  
guys, it's on the left. That's the thread High Priestess Kasumi saw and  
was talking about. I guess you'll figure out the implication of that  
line without my help, ne? 


	7. Chains

Chapter 6: Chains  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
I'm worried. That's saying something since I'm rarely worried. What makes it even more extraordinary is the cause of my worry, which is -to say the least- exceptionally unusual. It's really odd for me to be worried about this subject since it's never been a cause for worry before. I wonder what happened to turn things around so suddenly. It's been a week since my rival regained his memory. Normally, the Touya I know would be playing Go in overcompensation for all the time that he hadn't been playing due to amnesia. However, he has yet to come off leave and he hasn't turned up for any of his games so far. What's stranger is that he hasn't come to watch me play Kuwabara Honinbou for the title either. To make things even weirder, Ishikawa-san told me that he hadn't been to the Go Salon in the entire week when I went there to look for him yesterday. Which brings me to why I'm here, walking briskly through wind and snow along the road to his house; if Touya Akira doesn't play Go, it's serious. And being his friend and rival, I -of course- intend to find the problem.  
  
~Akira~  
  
A knock sounds at my bedroom door and I look up from the joseki book I have been reading on my bed since this morning. "What?" I ask irritably; today is the eighth day of my self-imposed curfew and it's probably either one of my parents trying to persuade me to come out.  
  
"Touya, it's me." My heart skips a beat.  
  
"Sh-Shindou!" I exclaim, instantly dropping the book in my surprise and crossing over to the door. "Wh-What are you doing here?"  
  
"Trying to figure out what *you* are doing here, of course. Can't you open the door?"  
  
I stop myself before I can reach for the doorknob. "No." I have neither stepped out of this room other than to eat or use the bathroom nor have I opened it to anyone besides my parents in the last eight days and I'm certainly not about to do so just because Shindou Hikaru asked me to.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I don't want to."  
  
"Quit being an obstinate brat. Now, open the damn door, Touya no baka."  
  
*An obstinate brat?!* _Touya no baka?!_ How dare he... "What did you say?!" I question slowly, an edge of anger to my voice.  
  
"I said that you're an idiot and an obstinate brat. Now, stop being one and open the door."  
  
"I will not!! And you're the idiot!" I nearly screech the reply in my fury.  
  
"Fine, whatever; suit yourself. I know I'm not one so I won't bother disputing that. We'll talk like this."  
  
"I am not talking to you!!" I yell at him.  
  
"Right-o; now you sound like a childish girl or sissy."  
  
"WHAT??!!" *Childish?!* _Girl?!_ SISSY?! Oh, you...  
  
"Why haven't you been attending your games?" he asks suddenly.  
  
I blink. My games...? Right. Go. My games. I ask the first question that comes to mind. "Why do you care?"  
  
A pause. "Because I'm your rival, Touya, God damn it. All your friends miss you; they've been wondering what happened to you."  
  
*My friends.* I shake my head in disbelief. "I don't have friends, Shindou; don't be ridiculous."  
  
"Well, *I'm* your friend and *I* miss you and *I've* been wondering what happened to you. *I* want you to come out and start playing Go with everyone again; is that enough?"  
  
I blink. I think my heart skipped two beats this time. Okay, if that was supposed to convince me to come out or at least open the door, it was good. As much as I'd hate to admit, Shindou Hikaru is my ONLY friend (and, of course, my ONLY rival). I grew up around adults and until I met Shindou, they were the closest things to friends I knew. I never really had anyone to talk to or hang out with and I certainly never argued with anyone about anything before I met Shindou Hikaru. Even in school, I was a social pariah with few acquaintances and fewer companions. When I got to Kaiou, I had female admirers aplenty but still next to no friends. I guess I was lonely sometimes but then, I had Go to occupy my time and mind. Then, Shindou Hikaru popped up, turned my life upside down and around, and became an intrinsic part of it. Right now, I can't imagine how life would be like had I not met him almost four years ago.  
  
"Aki...?" In my mind I can still hear his voice calling me. "Aki!" Aki... I kinda like that... "I like it when you call me that... just sounds nice when you do." I meant that; it does sound nice when he calls me that.  
  
"Touya...?" His voice snaps me out of my reverie.  
  
"What?" I snap at him irritably; I seem constantly irritable these days. And after so wondrously embarrassing myself, who could blame me?  
  
A pause. "Fine!" he snaps back. "Go ahead and be a jerk! I just came to tell you that the fifth and last game of the Honinbou finals is scheduled for next Friday! Don't come if you don't want to, I don't care!" I hear him stomp off down the corridor outside.  
  
I walk back to the bed, sit down, and flop back gracelessly. He's right as usual; I'm being a jerk. Again. I glance at the clock on the wall and slide my eyes shut; it's ten in the morning, two hours to lunch. I cover my face with the joseki book to wallow away feeling sorry for myself.  
  
* * *  
  
Cool, bright, breezy, and sunny. I'm kneeling, nude, in the middle of what looks like a marble Roman bathing pool with cool clear water up to my waist. The water laps against me as I look around. The marble pillars around the pool are carved Graeco-Roman style and adorned with colourful climbing flowers. There is a white statue of a beautiful woman holding a large jar off to my right and water pours out from the jar into the pool in a steady flow. Off to my left are marble steps leading out of the pool. All around the pool is endless forest as far as the eye can see with the pool in the centre of a large clearing. There are pines, oaks, aspens, spruces, firs, and many others that I cannot recognize. The sun is reflected on the water's surface; there is no roof. I seem to be alone here; there doesn't seem to be any one else and the water is still. I wade over towards the edge of the pool as a large yellow, black, and murky green butterfly lands on a pretty white flower.  
  
"Akira..." a familiar yet unrecognisable voice calls me softly from behind.  
  
Before I can turn around, a warm body presses close to mine and warm moist lips plant kisses between my neck and shoulder. A hand reaches around to caress me between my thighs and I arch back to rest my head on another's shoulder, eyes sliding shut as I feel the wild fire of passion and pleasure swirl and course through my veins. Suddenly, I am spun around and those soft lips are pressed hard against mine before I can see who they belong to. I catch a glimpse of black and yellow before the sweet taste of the kiss consumes me. My tongue picks up a lingering taste of honeydew as the other plunders my mouth heatedly. A dull sensation of almost unfelt pain and burning liquid fire wash over me. The cool water does nothing to dull the inferno in me as I am overwhelmed by the feeling of an equally hot form moving against and... inside me! The other presses a warm smooth cheek to mine and I gaze up at a clear blue sky with white cottony clouds through half-lidded eyes as a hand trails up and down my spine. There is heat and desire and passion and the suspense and anticipation is almost unbearable and then...  
I gasp, sitting up so abruptly in bed that the joseki book on my face flies across the room to land on the floor by the door. I am hyperventilating, wet beads of perspiration dripping down my face as I work at slowing my breathing. I feel a sticky damp feeling between my legs and groan softly to myself. What a time to have a wet dream; and for it to feel so real! I can still feel a lingering heat that has nothing to do with the temperature of the room. I stand and make my way to the window to let the winter air cool me down. The garden is covered with a thick blanket of snow. Fluffy and a pristine white, I'd succinctly describe the scene as serene and peaceful. I remember one winter a long time ago when I made a snowman in the garden and the only people who ever took any notice were my parents and a few of their friends. Even then, I had no friends; I was a lonely child, I guess, which might be why I'm pretty socially impaired right now. I glance up at the round red clock on the wall. Twelve noon. It should be about time for...  
  
"Akira!" my mother calls from downstairs. "Lunch is ready!"  
  
Ah, well; I'll shower after lunch then. I step out of my room and make my way down the stairs towards the dining table. I am halfway across the living room when I stop short. Shindou Hikaru is walking out the kitchen with a bowl of noodles in hand! I blink slowly. /Treachery!/ my mind screams. He's eating lunch here? My mother steps out from the kitchen to place a large steaming bowl of soup on the table. Damn, it's her special seafood udon today too. But if Shindou's eating... Oh, well; in that case... I turn around to make my way back upstairs. I have barely taken three steps when a hand grabs my arm and spins me around. I find myself face to face with the very person I wanted to avoid: my rival and only friend, Shindou Hikaru. Our chests connect and I sharply draw in breath. For some strange reason, the room suddenly feels very warm.  
  
"Stay, Touya; it's just lunch," my rival tells me softly but firmly.  
  
"Let me go," I order him tersely, trying to get him to release his firm grip on my arm.  
  
"No, Touya. Look, your dad insisted I play a game with him and your mom insisted I stay for lunch; I couldn't very well say no to either. So, quit looking at me like that."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Like you're trying to burn holes in me."  
  
"Fine, just let me go."  
  
"No, stay. You have to eat, if nothing else."  
  
"I..."  
  
"Akira! I made my special seafood udon today! And for dessert, I made your favourite konnyaku jelly with blueberries!" my mother declares cheerfully upon seeing me.  
  
I heave a sigh in resignation; doesn't look like I can escape this after all. I plod over to the table with Hi-Shindou close behind and plop down gracelessly onto a chair. Both my parents sit down and Shindou quietly takes the place beside me. We pick up our chopsticks as one and I glumly say, "Itadakimasu."  
  
"Itadakimasu!" the other three chirp cheerfully and we all begin eating.  
  
Moments pass in silence, then... "How's my specialty?" my mother asks Shindou conversationally.  
  
"Delicious, of course," he answers pleasantly.  
  
"I hear you're playing the fifth and last game for the Honinbou crown next Friday. How's the score like so far?" my father questions quietly.  
  
"Oh? I won the first game by two and a half moku, then lost the second and third respectively by three and a half and one and a half moku. After that, I won the fourth game by three and a half moku. It's a close fight, I guess, and I'm really determined to win this last one before trying for the Meijin crown; I'm about halfway up the league."  
  
"My, my; I seem to have extremely ambitious people for company today," my mother comments.  
  
"I learnt half of that from your son, Akiko-san," Shindou replies good- naturedly.  
  
My father graces us with a rare chuckle and lowers his voice to tell my rival conspiratorially, "Yes, remember to give Akira a living hell trying to get any titles."  
  
"Don't worry, I intend to do just that," he responds reassuringly. "Or worse," he adds as an afterthought.  
  
My mother gives me a reproachful look as she stands to bring out the konnyaku jelly; Shindou's my friend and thus my guest and I haven't said a word to him. So far, they've been doing all the talking; I'm being a really bad host. Before I can say anything, however...  
  
"Touya, play a game with me after this?" Shindou requests.  
  
"I..." I catch the warning look from both my parents. "Alright. You can wait for me in my room; I'll shower and then, we'll play. How's that?" I suggest.  
  
"Sure; we really need to start practising for the Hokuto tourney, you know."  
  
The Hokuto tournament. My eyes widen. Damn, it's November already! "Right."  
  
We finish the delicious jelly together and as I stand to leave for the shower, I hear Shindou promise to bring his mother's honeydew jelly over someday.  
  
* * *  
  
I step out of the shower and towel myself dry. I remove the shower cap, having decided against washing my hair today, and wrap the towel around my waist before exiting the bathroom. I trudge down the corridor to my room and let myself in. Murky green eyes meet mine as my rival looks up at me upon my entrance. I feel his gaze travel up and down my body in a sweeping glance and blush faintly as he looks away. Something about that look just... I don't know... Makes me nervous...? The room is warm despite the winter air drifting in through the window. I walk towards my cupboard at the other side of the room and...  
  
"Oof!" I trip over the joseki book I left by the door and fall down... right onto Shindou Hikaru, knocking him back flat on the floor with my head ending up on his chest. The air is knocked out of his lungs and the breath catches in my throat as my body reacts almost instantaneously to the closeness. Damn the book and all wet dreams. Before he can say or do anything, I push myself away from him to land awkwardly not too far away. As I try to stand up, the towel turns loose and I catch it only just in time before it drops to the floor and leaves me completely exposed.  
  
He sits up. "Touya?" he asks, probably curious as to why I am standing stock still doing nothing with only a towel around my waist.  
  
"Sorry," I apologise.  
  
"You... You clumsy oaf," he teases half-heartedly with a nervous chuckle.  
  
A round of uncomfortable silence passes between us as I get dressed. I slip into a simple blue sweater and pull on a pair of green sweatpants before coming to sit before him tensely. The silence drags on until it is almost unbearable, then...  
  
"Why don't we get started?" he suggests tentatively, turning and taking my Goban out of the corner to place it between us.  
  
"Right," I agree succinctly before settling in to play, discuss, and argue another game with my eternal rival.  
  
* * *  
  
I look up at the clock; it's three in the afternoon. The Honinbou final game should be starting in about half an hour's time. Should I go? I pace up and down the room, lost in thought. To go or not to go? I want to watch but I don't want to leave home either. I'm still on self-imposed curfew and I dare not face the world after everything that's happened. I drop onto the bed. Should I go?  
  
* * *  
  
I give up and close the new tanka book I have been trying to read for the past few hours. I can't seem to concentrate on the words; all I can think about is how Shindou's game is progressing. It's half past five in the evening. The game should be well underway by now. How is he doing? Is he winning or losing? What kind of hands is he playing against Kuwabara sensei? Damn, I want to see the board!  
  
* * *  
  
Damn, I can't even concentrate on playing Go online. I look up at the round red clock on the wall; it's half past seven. I tried napping but I couldn't seem to fall asleep, so I went online to play Go but I couldn't seem to maintain my focus there either. I want to see Shindou's game... Should I go? I return to pacing up and down the room. How's the game like now? Is he playing aggressively? Is he struggling against Kuwabara sensei? What if he makes a mistake? In a game like this, it would cost him dearly. Maybe he's making Kuwabara sensei edgy? Maybe he's winning? Damn it, I want to know! That's it. That is so it. I'm going. To hell with the rest of the world. I quickly change into a sweater and corduroys, grab a thick jacket and race out the door. If I hurry, maybe -just maybe- I can make it there before the game ends.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
I lean back wearily, checking and rechecking the board carefully. I've won, I think, unless Kuwabara sensei can work a miracle somewhere; but I don't think even Sai could find a miracle at this stage. It's at yose and there aren't many places left to play. I'm leading by about one and a half moku minus the komi, meaning that all in all, I'm leading by eight moku. I smile slightly to myself. Sai, if you can hear me, I hope you're proud of yourself and me; you made two Honinbous! Maybe you're smiling even more happily up in heaven? I wonder how heaven's like; do you play Go everyday up there? Do people really play Go in heaven? Maybe you're with Torajiro now; are you happy together? I hope you're happy wherever you are no matter what happens.  
I look up at the clock on the wall; it's eight o'clock at night, dinnertime. Oh, come on... Get it over with; I'd much rather be eating ramen right now than wasting my time sitting here when the outcome has already been decided. I return my gaze to the Goban; it's Kuwabara sensei's turn and the old geezer's taking a full eternity to make his move. I glance up at my opponent; he sure seems frustrated. I absently wonder what Touya's doing now, that proud obstinate bratty jerk. Maybe he's...  
  
Ting!  
  
Well, looks like Kuwabara sensei's run out of time... finally. I get the title! I'm a Honinbou! I listen absently through the fog of elation as they proclaim me the winner and new title-holder then begin the congratulations and consolations. I headily thank everyone as they congratulate me and politely excuse myself to stretch. I walk out the door with a ecstatic spring in my step and stretch myself, just managing not to dance for joy on cloud nine in seventh heaven. Sai!! I'm a Honinbou!! Can you see me?! I hope you're smiling. Shindou Honinbou, it does have a nice ring to it. Suddenly, I notice someone out of the corner of my eye. Touya's panting at the top of the stairs! I turn to him with a rapturous smile of pure euphoria on my face; I'm so glad he came. Add that to the fact that I just won the Honinbou crown and I have all the reason in the world to be jubilant and overjoyed.  
  
"Touya! You came!" I enthuse as I start towards him, my utter delight blatantly obvious in my voice.  
  
~Akira~  
  
"Touya! You came!" my rival exclaims happily, walking towards me.  
  
"A-Aa."  
  
I ran all the way to the subway station and then all the way here from the stop. After that, I was too impatient to wait for the lift, so I ran all the way up the stairs. Damn, if only I had gotten over myself earlier; the game must be over by now for him to be out here. And he looks so euphoric that I must assume he won. Shindou Honinbou, just like he promised some time ago. I look up at his blissfully dreamy visage and am overwhelmed by a rushed flurry of mixed emotions. Satisfaction, envy, joy, disappointment, respect, bitterness, longing, anger... I'm satisfied as his rival that he is so skilled, envious of his title, joyous for him, disappointed in myself, respectful of his ability, bitter about his winning a title before me, longing for the day when I'll be a title-holder as well, and angry at myself for having missed what must have been a beautiful game. But all that just fades away into the wallpaper the instant he takes my hand and tugs me towards the room and back to reality. Half of them are useless emotions anyway; no sense crying over spilt milk, as they say. I can't change the way things turned out, so I'll just have to make the best of it.  
  
"Touya, I know you're here to at least see the kifu, right? Well, they're just about to begin the discussion. Come on in; I'm sure they won't mind now that the game's over. I'll see if I can get you the video some time; I know you wanted to watch," he enthuses jubilantly.  
  
"Don't flatter yourself, Shindou."  
  
"Right, why else would you be here if all that wasn't true? So why don't you screw your pride, stop being an obstinate jerk and just get the hell over yourself?" he suggests evenly, opening the door to the game room.  
  
The atmosphere is electric, as usual, and even with people buzzing about snapping photographs and talking about the game, I can feel the tension in the air. So he's right as usual; I do want to watch the game, I am being an obstinate jerk, and I can't seem to get over myself, but to hell if I'm going to admit that to him. "Fine, so I am here to watch the game but that's only because I'm your rival. And being my rival really doesn't put you in any position to criticise," I inform him calmly as he leads me over to the Goban.  
  
"Well, I also happen to be your friend but fine, say whatever you like; I'm not about to let you ruin my good mood with another stupid quarrel," he retorts before kneeling back down on the cushion.  
  
"Yeah, so you won. Big deal. Would you quit being so damn cocky about it?" Irritation.  
  
"Cocky?! You're just jealous because I won a title before you!" His voice rises ten decibels.  
  
"What? Me? Jealous? Who do you think you are?!" Annoyance.  
  
"Your rival, Touya. You acknowledged that yourself aeons ago."  
  
"Get off being so cocksure!" Anger.  
  
"I'm just thrilled about winning, Touya! Why don't you stop being so bitter about it?!" Another ten.  
  
Bitter?! Fury. "I have no reason to be bitter about anything!" Okay, so if I were brutally honest with myself, that's a lie.  
  
"Right! And I have no reason to be cocksure about anything when you're not even the bloody Meijin yet!" He's now shouting at the very top of his voice.  
  
"What has that got to do with your God damned arrogance?!" Outrage. I quite nearly screeched the question.  
  
"You're my rival, God damn it! Everything!" he yells back.  
  
"Kids these days..." Kuwabara sensei interjects calmly with a sigh.  
  
"Ah, Touya-kun, it's been a long time. How have you been?" Amano-san from the Japanese Go Institute Publicity Department enquires before I can say anything else to Shindou.  
  
"Uh... Fine, thank you." I smile congenially.  
  
"You and Shindou-kun seem to be getting along very well. I heard you were still on leave...?"  
  
I nod. "Getting along well? I hardly think so," I reply pleasantly.  
  
"Oh, all these little squabbles are the spice of life, you know. When will you be coming back?"  
  
"Soon, I guess. There's only so long one can stay home doing nothing," I respond with a smile. The spice of life? Geez, he's twisted.  
  
"Well, I guess that means about next week then."  
  
I nod noncommittally. "Probably."  
  
"God, Touya, would you stop that?" Shindou interrupts in exasperation.  
  
"What?" I snap irritably.  
  
"That!" he replies, gesturing vaguely in my direction.  
  
"What?!" I repeat, getting annoyed all over again.  
  
"Your whole absurd little smile-nod routine! Just when I thought you got yourself a life and I'd seen the last of that! Geez, man, it's ridiculous!" My rival throws up his hands in a sign of surrender.  
  
"What smile-nod routine?! And I didn't get myself a life; I always had one!" I retort.  
  
"Yeah, right. On an average day, what's the first thing you do after breakfast?"  
  
"Play Go with my father." I don't get where this conversation is heading.  
  
"Right. You eat lunch at home?"  
  
I nod. I still don't see his point. Off to my left, Kuwabara sensei has a really amused grin on his wizened face.  
  
"Okay. Where do you go after lunch?"  
  
"Official games. Dan games, title preliminaries, the like." If possible, Kuwabara sensei's grin only widens.  
  
"Right. How do you spend your free time?"  
  
"Playing Shidougo at the Go Salon." Kuwabara sensei's grin has widened to reach his ears and I am still missing Shindou's point.  
  
"Then you have dinner at home, right?"  
  
I nod.  
  
"And after dinner?"  
  
"I attend my father's Go study group." Kuwabara sensei is already chuckling softly to himself. And your point is...?  
  
"And you call that a life?! Geez, you spend the entire day looking at the Goban! Maybe your kids will look like Gobans someday! You have no friends, no one to hang out with, no social life... Hell, I don't even think you've even flirted before! Hey, man, are you sixteen or sixty?! And you claim to have a life." He ends with a theatrical sigh of resignation.  
  
Kuwabara sensei is busy laughing his geezer ass off hysterically and the others who recorded the game are trying desperately not to do the same. I blush. "And who are you to judge?" I challenge.  
  
"Oh, Touya, ask anyone who knows us both and they'll all tell you without hesitation that I have more of a life than you do. At least I have a social life. You know, I could swear amnesia was good for you. At least you went to a rock concert and the circus." The rest of the people finally can't help themselves and join in the hysterics.  
  
I feel myself turning redder. He just had to bring that up. "I..." I'm at a loss as to what to say, so I simply avert my gaze.  
  
"You know what? Let's get this over with. I'm hungry and then I need to take my friend here over to the movies," my rival declares to the rest of the room.  
  
"Who's going to the movies with you?" I challenge again.  
  
"Why... you, of course. We're going to get you a life!"  
  
"I'm not..."  
  
"Oh, shut up kid. Your friend's right; you only live this life once. For God's sake, enjoy your teenage years before they're gone," Kuwabara sensei interjects calmly after his last bout of laughter, exhaling a puff of cigarette smoke.  
  
Oh, well... I sigh as they get down to discussing the game. I guess the movies can't be too bad anyway. And truth is, I'd mind even less if it's with Shindou. He is, after all -I'll admit-, my only friend.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
"So, what movie shall we watch today?" I ask my rival as cheerfully as I can manage. We are standing in front of a TV screen showing the movies currently screening at the cinema.  
  
He looks up at the screen. "Onegai Teacher."  
  
"Huh?" I don't think I heard that correctly.  
  
"Onegai Teacher," he repeats without batting an eye.  
  
I blink slowly. Twice. "That's... a *love* story." And from what I heard, a really sweet fluffy fuzzy one too.  
  
He turns to look at me calmly. "So?"  
  
So? Oh, never mind; Onegai Teacher it is. "Right-o." I saunter over to the counter to buy the tickets. People watch movies like that with their boyfriends and girlfriends, not with their rivals, you dolt. The girl at the counter gives me this peculiar smile, like she thinks I'm on some secret date or something. I smile uncomfortably back at her, wishing I could be anywhere but here. Then she hands the tickets over and I quickly turn and walk off briskly. I glance at my watch, the show starts in ten minutes time. I rejoin my rival and lead him off to buy snacks.  
  
"Popcorn?" I offer.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Cola?"  
  
"Uh... Don't think so."  
  
I roll my eyes. "Fine, I'll buy some for myself. You can have some of mine if you change your mind later."  
  
He nods as I walk off to get the food, grumbling quietly to myself. I get myself a slightly larger bag than usual with a mix of sweet and salty and a large cup of Coke. Suddenly, on my way back to where Touya's waiting, I spot two familiar faces. I quickly shift the food to one arm and raise the other in a near-frenzied wave. "Waya!! Isumi-san!!" I call loudly.  
  
Yeah! Got their attention. They wave and hurry over just as I reach Touya. "Hey, you're watching a movie too?" Waya asks, his usual cheerful self.  
  
"Yeah, show starts soon. You?"  
  
"Just finished," replies Isumi-san.  
  
"Yup! How's your game?" Waya enquires enthusiastically.  
  
"You're talking to the Honinbou!" I announce triumphantly.  
  
"Who's been so utterly full of himself since the instant he won the last game," Touya puts in dryly.  
  
"Touya, stop being such a KJ," I tell him with a spark of annoyance.  
  
He gives us all a curiously lost look.  
  
"Kill-joy," Isumi-san explains calmly.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Congrats, man; you've got to take us out someday soon!" Waya enthuses, giving me a friendly slap on the shoulder. Isumi-san grins.  
  
I think about the cost. "Can we restrict the guest list?" I plead hopefully.  
  
"Sure; just me, Isumi, Nase, Fuku, Ochi -if you like-, everyone from Matsushita sensei's study group..."  
  
I can almost see my dollar bills growing wings and flying away as I continue the list mentally: all those plus Kaga, Tsutsui, Mitani, Akari, maybe Yashiro if I see him, Touya -of course-, Kawaii-san... And then there's the Shuusaku memorial... I've definitely got to take something there in memory of Sai... God, it's going to cost me. I sigh.  
  
"Looks like you won't be keeping your prize money after all," Touya comments, bringing me out of my reverie.  
  
That's it! Prize money! I guess it won't really hurt my pocket that badly after all, I realize, feeling considerably better about things. But that's still a lot of money taking flight. I heave another sigh. Oh, well... It could be worse, I guess.  
  
"So, what are you two watching today?" Waya questions conversationally.  
  
Oh God, I was dreading that question. Right now, I really wish I could just fade into thin air and blend into the background. "Um..." I begin.  
  
Touya just shows him the tickets. My friend's eyes widen at the sight of the title and he turns to Look at me. I uncomfortably look anywhere else.  
  
"Um... Shindou, a word?" Waya asks quietly.  
  
I nod and allow him to lead me across the hall.  
  
"Onegai Teacher? With Touya Akira?" he questions incredulously the instant we get there.  
  
I look away. "Well, don't look at me; it was _his_ idea!" I protest.  
  
"You're saying that *Touya Akira* wants to watch _Onegai Teacher_ with YOU," he repeats in the same tone.  
  
"Well, yeah; that's what I said." Geez, Touya, why do you just have to get me into shit like this?  
  
My friend raises a bushy red eyebrow with an amused look on his face. "How long has this been going on?"  
  
"Going on?" I wonder aloud. "What..." Realization dawns on me. "You... Waya! It's not going on at all!! It's nothing like that! We're just friends, you jerk!" I screech in mortification.  
  
"_Just_ friends? Shindou, your green-haired Go prince is indirectly hitting on you with a two-by-four and you're *just* friends?" he asks, clearly amused and taking great pleasure out of teasing me. Well, he's... Waya.  
  
"He is *not*!!" I protest indignantly. "And we _are_ just friends!"  
  
"Come on, why else would he want to watch a fluffy pink sugar-coated romance movie alone with you if he wasn't hitting on you?" he challenges.  
  
"Because he's never seen movies before...?" I try to reason.  
  
"Okay, that's sad," he admits, looking over at where Isumi-san and my rival are having a staring competition at the other end of the hall. "The guy's been living under a rock, man, but he is kind of cute -if a complete stuck- up jerk at times- and you know he does -at least- kind of like you and you know I won't criticize if you just come clean and say that you like him too..."  
  
"Waya!!" I cut him off in exasperation and mock anger.  
  
"Fine, fine..." he says with a laugh, holding up his hands in supplication. "Whatever you say. Just remember to tell me when you two..."  
  
"Oh, why you little..." I start as he runs off and proceed to chase him around the hall with a death threat.  
  
A/N: Just thought I'd let you guys in on an upcoming project of mine.  
Look out for a HikaGo fic that will probably be here soon. (Winks) I'm  
going to have Akira dressed in a low-cut backless Victorian gown with a  
sinking cleavage accentuated with floral lace, complete with super-tight  
corset, lace gloves, stiletto heels, a wide-brim hat decorated with  
flowers, and a fan most likely all in baby pink. Yes, (evil laugh) you  
know the devil sent me. Meanwhile, I hope you'll continue to enjoy this  
fic and check out my crazily HikaGo-ized songbook. (Leaves singing:  
Pretty Aki, across the Goban; Pretty Aki, the girl I'd like to play...)  
  
P/S: For those who are wondering, Onegai Teacher does exist and is a  
really fuzzy love story that happens to include a brief sex (straight,  
unfortunately) scene. Um, I'm a demon with AkiHika UST (unresolved  
sexual tension)? (Wicked grin) 


	8. Libra Falls

Chapter 7: Libra Falls  
  
~Akira~  
  
I stare at the intricate patterns of black and white on the board before me. The game's in yose and I'm half a moku short. Damn, there's nothing I can do unless he lets me with a mistake and Shindou doesn't make mistakes in yose. I resignedly place my stone on an intersection and he almost immediately places his on another. We decided to start practising for the Hokuto Tournament earlier than we did last year, which is why I'm sitting here with him in my father's Go Salon playing the evening's third game. We've dedicated our evenings to coming here whenever we could and much of our free time to playing higher-level pros more often. Well, now that my rival's the Honinbou... he has people queuing up in lines to play him anyway. He has already played three games with Ogata-sensei this week and has two with Kurata 9-dan scheduled for next week. We both gave up tutoring sessions, not that we enjoyed it anyway. I've played my father and Zama Ouza twice each this week and I have games with a few others including Ogata-sensei scheduled for next week. Meanwhile, my boisterous rival and I are spending our evenings playing each other more often than not here. The evening's current score card stands at 2-1, two for him and one for me. The week's one stands at 10-8 including today's, ten him and eight me. Unfortunately, that also means that my father's going to have to replace the Salon's roof soon. A normal game with Shindou Hikaru consists of three battles: a battle of Goban domination, a battle of vocal chord endurance, and a battle of immaturity. I personally do not know which of the last two is worse. Still, he never fails to enrage me beyond simply losing my temper and at that point, I really don't care if I look like a six-year-old throwing a temper tantrum.  
  
"That's done it, I guess."  
  
I look up at him blankly for a moment before realizing that he was talking about the game. I drop my gaze to the Goban and study it for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, it's over. My loss," I concede.  
  
He grins. "Makes you regret lost time, doesn't it?"  
  
He's gloating, the obnoxious brat. "I..."  
  
"Don't. I was just joking, Touya. But you're not your usual self," he cuts me off before I can speak.  
  
"Huh?" I don't feel any different than usual, so I have no idea what he means.  
  
"You don't play like this, Touya. It's off; I know it. Something's bothering you," the youngest ever Honinbou states with a mildly concerned look on his face.  
  
Bothering me? I... don't... I give him a confused look. Sure, there were a few hands that probably could have been better but... Off? I don't understand. "I don't feel out of the ordinary; I'm fine."  
  
"Never mind. Shall we run the risk of bringing down the roof?" he asks playfully.  
  
I allow a small smile. "Yeah, this hand could have been better. I should have played here," I tell him, indicating a stone and an intersection in turn.  
  
He leaned forward slightly. "Enlighten me, to what end? It wouldn't have posed a problem anyway. Might be better if you played here, though." He indicates another intersection.  
  
"It would not have helped, you would simply have cut here."  
  
"Yes, but it would leave you with an opening here," he gestured at an area to his upper left.  
  
"Right, and had I attacked you would have attacked over here and I would be forced to respond since you're better defended there than I am here."  
  
He looked thoughtfully at the board. "Geez, you're right."  
  
"You missed that?" I ask incredulously, voice rising.  
  
"So? You're not perfect either!" he retorts.  
  
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ishikawa-san bury her face in her hands. "It's not about perfection! How could you miss something like this?!"  
  
"Oh, look who's talking! Pot? Kettle? Black?" he responds sarcastically. "I can't believe you thought I'd attack the middle here! I'd need five hands for a measly seven moku and when have you ever given me a chance for any more than three?!" he nearly screeched.  
  
"You needed seven hands to attack the upper right, Shindou!" I argue near the top of my voice.  
  
"Oh, yeah? Half of that got me a chunk of the middle as well!!"  
  
"Oh? Like I had to do any more than cut here to destroy your shape! By the time I connected here, this whole area was mine!!" I snap back, voice reaching a crescendo.  
  
"Oh yeah? Whose territory on the right was nearly halved when I attacked?!" he shouts.  
  
"Not the 'Oh yeah?'s again!! And it was NOT halved!!" I scream in reply.  
  
"My speech patterns are so not the issue!! And yes, it _was_ halved!!" Right now, it's going at about a hundred and fifty decibels.  
  
"WAS NOT!!"  
  
"WAS TO!!!" He stands up violently.  
  
"IT WAS NOT!!" I rise as well.  
  
"YES, IT WAS!!! AND ALL BECAUSE YOU PLAYED HERE INSTEAD OF HERE, STUPID!!"  
  
"I AM NOT STUPID!!"  
  
"YES, YOU ARE!!" He steps away from his chair to keep from hitting the Goban or the table in his fury.  
  
"NO, I'M NOT!!! OBNOXIOUS BRAT!!" I step away from mine to stand before him.  
  
"SORE LOSER!!"  
  
"ARROGANT JERK!!"  
  
"ANAL-RETENTIVE BASTARD!!"  
  
"MY PARENTAGE IS NOT IN DOUBT!!!"  
  
"YOU SURE ACT LIKE IT IS, TOUYA NO BAKA!!!"  
  
"WATCH YOUR TONGUE, SHINDOU!!!"  
  
"YOU WATCH IT!!!!" he sticks out his tongue at me in an amazing display of maturity -or rather, the lack of it-.  
  
I can feel my blood boiling over. "I WILL NOT!! COCKY MORON!!" Is it just me or is the room kinda hazy?  
  
"STUCK-UP IMBECILE!!!"  
  
I feel dizzy, suddenly... and the room seems like it's spinning. "I..." I begin, lifting a hand to my head.  
  
"TOUYA!!" I hear my rival shout from what seems like a great distance away, not with anger but with concern.  
  
"Shindou..." I acknowledge softly before the world dims and fogs up and then... Nothing.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
"TOUYA!!" I cry out, anger forgotten as my rival begins to sway and lifts a hand to his head.  
  
"Shindou..." he whispers as he collapses and I instantly dart forward to catch him.  
  
He falls neatly into my arms and I shake him gently. "Touya? Touya?"  
  
"Akira-kun?" Ishikawa-san enquires curiously, coming over.  
  
I turn to look at her. "Ishikawa-san, call an ambulance."  
  
She pales and nods, hurrying off to the phone.  
  
I check his pulse and breathing; he's breathing fine but his pulse is a little erratic. I cradle him to my chest as I hear Ishikawa-san's voice speaking in the background. Touya, why do you love these God-forsaken death acts so much?  
  
* * *  
  
Touya's on a heart monitor again. Barely more than a month and I'm sitting here with him again. Touya, please be okay. I don't want this again. I don't want another month to wait here beside you for a miracle. I don't want you to lie there motionlessly again. I don't want any of this! I can't see you on this bed again, Touya, not so soon. I take his hand in mine; it's warm, so warm. I suddenly realize how much I like that warmth that radiates ever so rarely from him and how much I like everything else, everything that is Touya Akira. I've known him for nearly four years, the last one and a half in close friendship. Sure, we bring the roof down all the time but still... it's Touya. And I sort of enjoy the quarrelling, even if it's so utterly immature and unprofessional. He's my rival, my best friend and... he's the very centre of my life. I press his hand to my cheek. Ishikawa-san's calling his parents in Beijing; they'll be here as soon as humanly possible. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here with him waiting for the results of the scans and tests they did on him. I squeeze my eyes shut in pain; don't do this again, Touya. Don't you dare die on me.  
  
~Akira~  
  
"Akira..."  
  
I look up as a voice calls my name. All around me I see darkness, a seemingly endless black void. I slowly get to my feet and take another look around. It appears that I'm falling through an endless space. I am standing on something, though, something black, round, and flat... something like... I believe I've been sprawled on a giant black Go stone. This is definitely a dream; it has to be. There is no other logical explanation.  
  
"Akira..." the voice calls again, echoing into the void.  
  
Well, being a dream and all, I guess it's theoretically impossible for anything dangerous to happen. "Who are you?!" I shout the question and listen as my voice echoes away.  
  
"Akira..." replies the voice in that same soft distant way.  
  
"I don't understand!" I yell back.  
  
"You..." comes the voice again.  
  
Me? "What do you mean?!"  
  
For a while there is nothing, then a bright white light suddenly comes on and I spin around. It's shining on... a giant white Go stone. A dream, most certainly a dream. As the stone floats closer, I notice someone standing on it. It's... me. Well, at least it looks like me, that is. I've never met myself in a dream before. The stone floats closer still... Oh God. My other self is wearing that ridiculous outfit I bought at the mall with Shindou back when I was suffering from memory loss. In many ways, he was right in saying that the amnesia was good for me. They were, when I'm being completely honest with myself, some of the best days of my life. But I still cannot believe I insisted on buying it out of my own free will; if Shindou had talked me into it, I'd have felt a lot better about the concept but...  
  
"Geez, man, you think too much. You know you look hot in it, you know Hikaru thinks you're irresistible in it, who cares about anything else?" the other me begins conversationally as our stones meet, touch, and stick.  
  
So he can read my mind. I blink. "Who are you?" I ask him.  
  
"Correction: I don't read your mind; I'm part of it. And I'm Arika, I guess. I mean, being your reflection and all... it sums up," he replies casually.  
  
"My reflection?" Huh? I am not getting the point here.  
  
He rolls his eyes. "Think about a mirror, bro."  
  
"Mirror?" I still don't understand.  
  
He smacks his forehead in a dazzling display of exasperation. "When you look in a mirror, you see your reflection, right?"  
  
I nod.  
  
"Well, I'm something like that. Hence the name 'Arika'. I simply turned your name around because words appear backwards in mirrors and no one ever bothers to name their reflections anyway," my other self explains.  
  
Probably since no one meets them like this anyway; he inclines his head agreeably. "So we're exactly the same?"  
  
"Physically, a hundred percent. Otherwise, completely different."  
  
"Huh?" is the most intelligent response I can come up with.  
  
"We look exactly the same, just like any mirror image; but in mirror images, left becomes right and vice versa, right?"  
  
I nod.  
  
"Likewise, we are otherwise complete opposites," he clarifies. "For instance, you play Go and I don't. I want to look hot, sexy, and drop dead gorgeous; you don't particularly. You've got a stick up your ass; I've got a great sense of humour. I'm fashionable and trendy; you've got no taste. I'm everything that you could have been had you made some choices differently in your life. Every choice made that changes you, changes me as well; so if you don't like me, blame yourself," he finishes, gesturing carelessly as he speaks.  
  
"I do see the contrast," I muse aloud, choosing to ignore the blatant insults. "So, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm here to wake you from this dream," he proclaims.  
  
"Excuse me, but I think you're the one that's keeping me here."  
  
"No, no; you're awake, but still you dream," he replies.  
  
"Now?" I'm confused, very confused.  
  
"No, not now. When you're awake, that is, you're still dreaming. But now you're in my world because this is the only way we can meet."  
  
"Your world?" I echo.  
  
"Hm. Your subconscious," he agrees.  
  
Right, my subconscious. "So, in what way am I dreaming?"  
  
Arika shakes his head in despair. "Even I can't help you if you refuse to see the obvious."  
  
"I don't think I'm the one that needs help here."  
  
My 'reflection' buries his face in his hands. "You need it more than you know, Aki. Very much more."  
  
As he speaks, our stones land on a giant Goban, his on a komoku and mine diagonally above his. He hops down lightly onto the hoshi and I hesitantly join him. He gestures casually at the surroundings.  
  
"It's time to stop dreaming, Aki. The door is right before you."  
  
"What door?" I ask, looking around.  
  
"The door to reality," he clarifies.  
  
"I don't see it."  
  
He smiles sadly. "That's because you refuse to see it. See this void?" He gestures at it. "It's your creation, not mine. I can change the realm within it but I cannot dispel it; only you can do that because you created it. See?" He waves his hand. The void shimmers slightly but doesn't shift. My 'reflection' then proceeds to close his eyes and put his hands together. A moment later, he pulls them apart and raises them; there is a blue ball of light in his hands that expands to encompass us. Suddenly, the Goban is floating on the sea and there's a beach off to one side lined with coconut trees. The sky overhead is a bright clear blue with fluffy white clouds and flocks of seagulls flying around in the distance. He opens his eyes. "You see what I mean, Aki? This is still within the void; it's still out there and the door is beyond it. I've been trying to dispel it for a long time now but I can't if you don't want me to," he continues sadly. "You have to do it yourself."  
  
"I don't... understand." I shake my head slowly.  
  
"Dreams work on metaphors. The void is simply one of them. You know in your heart what it represents. You need to return to reality, Aki; you'll never truly be happy otherwise."  
  
A seagull swoops past just overhead. "Arika, what is a dream exactly?"  
  
"It is the beginning of reality," is his answer.  
  
I blink slowly. "Then reality is...?"  
  
"Why, the continuation of the dream, of course," he replies. "It's time to finish the dream you started, Aki, and the end is in reality alone."  
  
I give him a confounded look before taking in the new surroundings. "I do not appreciate Gobans in the sea," I inform him dryly.  
  
My 'reflection' chuckles. "No, I didn't think so. I'll remember to fix that if you ever come again."  
  
I laugh with him for a moment. "Arika, why do you care whether or not I'm happy? I mean, considering the dynamics of the situation, wouldn't you be sad if I was happy and vice versa?" I question.  
  
He smiles gently and closes the distance between us to wrap his arms around me. "No, Akira," he whispers into my ear as I return the embrace. It feels totally weird, really, hugging myself, but not at all unpleasant. "There are two sides to the mind but only one to the heart," he continues.  
  
Suddenly, the world grows hazy. "Arika?" I enquire, my uncertainty obvious in my voice.  
  
He laughs close to my ear. "You're sleeping, you dolt, not in a coma. You expect to chat here all day?"  
  
And then the world spins inside and out and everything goes black.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
"Un..." I hear a soft groan escape my rival's lips and I quickly turn to see his eyelids flutter open.  
  
"Touya?" I ask.  
  
He blinks at me. "Shindou..." he whispers hoarsely. "What happened?"  
  
I reach out to grab a glass from his bedside table and pour him a glass of water. "Can you sit up?"  
  
He nods and proceeds to sit up on the bed.  
  
I position his pillow to prop him up before handing him the glass of water. "I don't know. One minute you're yelling down the roof at me like we always do and next thing I know, you faint. The reports aren't out yet."  
  
"Thanks." He smiles and takes the glass from me, fingers lightly brushing mine for a split second and then the feeling is gone.  
  
I push my anxiety away for a moment to return the smile. "You're welcome."  
  
Suddenly, the door opens and Ishikawa-san enters, followed closely by a golden blonde woman with twinkling eyes of midnight blue in a lab coat carrying a small stack of documents. "Akira-kun! You're awake!" Ishikawa- san exclaims. "I was so worried! But then, I guess I couldn't beat Hikaru- kun at it. He was as white as a sheet with worry." I blush at that. "Your parents are returning from Beijing on the next flight here."  
  
Touya nods, his hand suddenly reaching for mine. I blink down at where his hand is gripping mine tightly but remain silent as the blonde lady smiles knowingly and begins to speak.  
  
"Good evening. I'm Iria Eventine and I'm a neurologist and neurosurgeon. I have seen the scans and results of the test we performed on... Touya-kun?"  
  
He nods.  
  
"Um... I'm afraid to say you have a brain tumour."  
  
I feel Touya's grip on my hand tighten even while his expression remains impassive and I tighten mine on his.  
  
Dr. Eventine looks up at us, her eyes shifting from one of us to the other. "It's small, but it appears to be growing. We don't know if it's cancerous yet; we'll have to perform a biopsy to figure that out. But either way, we're going to have to surgically remove it. I hear he's had a concussion from a previous accident, yes?"  
  
We nod simultaneously.  
  
"That might have triggered the unusual cell-growth."  
  
I feel the colour drain from my face. The room suddenly feels very cold and I think my heart has stopped beating. The concussion. The accident. It's my fault. Touya's going to die and it's all my fault. It was always all my fault. If only I wasn't there, if only...  
  
"What are the chances of success?" Touya asks quietly, bringing me out of my reverie.  
  
"The surgery? Truthfully, about thirty percent max. The tumour is located at a very delicate part of the brain where there is an extremely high density of blood vessels. I have great confidence that I can remove the tumour but very little that I can keep you from dying of blood loss," she replies sadly.  
  
I collapse into the chair behind me as Touya asks, "You'll be performing the surgery, then?"  
  
The surgeon nods.  
  
"Can it wait?" I turn to stare at my rival. Wait? For what?  
  
"Well, there are some drugs that can slow or even stagnate the growth of the tumour but the treatment is not permanent and we will, ultimately, have to remove it. It could delay the operation for a week or so, though."  
  
"I'll take the medication, then."  
  
I blink at him. What the...  
  
"Very well, but we'll have to keep you here for observation purposes at least for the first few days of drug-usage."  
  
He nods and turns to me. "We can practise here."  
  
Practise? Oh, the Hokuto Tournament. You idiot, is Go worth even more than your life? "You..." I start.  
  
"Anyway, you'll have to decide whether or not to undergo surgery in the end."  
  
"I thought his parents..." I begin.  
  
"Yes, his parents sign the documentation but they can't make him go for it against his will, can they?"  
  
I nod.  
  
"What happens if it isn't removed?" my rival enquires.  
  
"It'll grow and then it'll start to obstruct the blood flow and eventually cut off blood supply to parts of the brain. When that happens, you'll die. That's what caused the faint. Blood pressure was high in the area near the tumour and the tumour got in the way of circulation so you lost consciousness." She comes over and disconnects the heart monitor. "You won't be needing this at the moment.  
  
He doesn't reply. In the background, Ishikawa-san is sobbing as quietly as she can.  
  
"So you can discuss it and tell me later." She turns to leave and pauses. "I don't know what the Hokuto Tournament is really about, but I'm pretty sure it must be important enough to put off the operation. I hope you guys win it."  
  
"How did..." my rival and I begin at the same time.  
  
"My life revolves around the mind, both physically and otherwise. It is my playground and my work. I'm a telepath, that is to say I read minds." She smiles. "Oh, and Ishikawa-san?"  
  
The other woman looks up. "Can I discuss the other details with you? I'd do it with his parents but they're still in China, so..."  
  
She nods and hurries out after the doctor, leaving us alone together in the empty room.  
  
"What's wrong with you?! You got a priority problem?! It's your life at stake here and you want to wait until after the tourney?!" I rant immediately.  
  
He looks at me calmly. "I promised we'd win it together this year, Shindou." He pauses. "It's what you want, isn't it?"  
  
What I want? I feel my eyes sting as the tears come unbidden. Don't do stupid things like this for me, you idiot! "No!!" I throw my arms around him without thinking and hold him close, burying my face in his pillow. "It doesn't mean anything, you idiot! Not without you," I sob. "You're the reason I came here in the first place. What does it all matter without you? The Honinbou title means nothing without you to see me as its holder, Touya. Nothing!!"  
  
~Akira~  
  
"It doesn't mean anything, you idiot! Not without you. You're the reason I came here in the first place. What does it all matter without you? The Honinbou title means nothing without you to see me as its holder, Touya. Nothing!!" my rival cries out between tears, his arms around me tightly.  
  
"You're awake, but still you dream... Even I can't help you if you refuse to see the obvious... You need to return to reality..." I hear Arika's words from my dream in my head.  
  
The obvious... I smile as I return Shindou's embrace. He was right; I have been lying to myself for a really long time. "Shindou," I say, closing my eyes.  
  
"It's Hikaru, you idiot; it's Hikaru," he sobs.  
  
"Hikaru, don't let me go."  
  
I feel him shake his head. "Never, Akira. I promise."  
  
I smile and tighten my embrace. I want to stay like this, just like this, forever. 


	9. Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

A/N: AkiHika FLUFF!! Anyone who wants to strangle our Go Golden Pair for  
needing death to wake them up please raise your hands (raises both  
hands, both feet, and both wings. Would raise tail if had one). This fic  
seems to be getting a life of its own... I swear I had an entirely  
different plot in mind. Blame my muses; their patron God is Shinigami,  
which might be why the word's in my pen name. This author cries when  
readers don't review and evil muses go on vacations without reviews to  
bribe them into staying. I need a review supply to keep said evil muses  
here... somebody help?  
  
Chapter 8: Don't Wanna Miss A Thing  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
"Good news; the drugs are working. Scans have indicated no further increase in tumour size," Dr. Eventine announces as Akira and I finish our practice game.  
  
I smile and squeeze his hand lightly. He returns the smile. "Can I leave? I don't like hospitals."  
  
Translation: I don't want to spend what might be the last days of my life in here.  
  
The British neurologist smiles. "Few do. I'll see to it. Just keep this in mind, though: no stress, no anger, no strenuous activity, and always take your medication on time." /And you make sure he wants to live more than anything,/ she adds to me in what I now understand to be mind-speech.  
  
Akira nods.  
  
/I will,/ I try to think back; I'm not used to how this whole telepathy thing works anyway.  
  
His parents stand, having just arrived from Beijing yesterday evening. The former Meijin walks over to the door with his wife saying, "We'll handle the necessary procedures."  
  
The blonde doctor smiles at me and nods before turning and walking out with Akira's parents close behind.  
  
I turn to look at my rival. "Should we discuss it?" he asks.  
  
I grin, lowering my head to rest it on his lap. "You heard the good doctor and I quote 'no stress, no anger, no strenuous activity'. Discussing the game fits all three descriptions."  
  
He chuckles. "If only you didn't start those stupid arguments..."  
  
"I did not start them; you did," I interject before he can finish.  
  
"Yes, you did."  
  
"I did not."  
  
"Did to."  
  
"Did not."  
  
"Brat."  
  
"Idiot."  
  
"Moron."  
  
"Jerk."  
  
"Arrogant."  
  
"Childish."  
  
"You're the childish one."  
  
"Oh yeah?" I raise my head. "Wanna bet?"  
  
He raises an eyebrow. "And how do we tell?"  
  
I poke him in the ribs a few times in reply and am rewarded by a fit of laughter and the revelation that Akira is, in fact, extremely ticklish.  
  
"Stop that!" he cries out between fits of laughter and tries valiantly to block my attacks with his arms.  
  
"Nope." A few more pokes.  
  
"And you say I'm childish." I jab him some more.  
  
"So?" I stick out my tongue at him as I continue poking him in the ribs, knowing full well how utterly immature it was.  
  
"Stop it! Hikaru! Stop it!!" He suddenly pulls me to him and presses his lips to mine.  
  
I blink, too stunned to do anything for a moment. Then I slide my eyes shut and let my lips part to him, returning the kiss, our first kiss. I let him taste me for a while before taking control of the kiss, slipping my tongue past parted lips to explore his mouth. His lips are soft against mine and his mouth still tastes lingeringly of the soba he ate for lunch. I slide one hand into his hair and cup his cheek with the other, holding him in place gently. He succumbs entirely to the sensation and I give myself over to it completely. I break off with a peck to his lips sometime later and pull back slightly to meet his gaze. He looks back at me, lips still slightly parted almost temptingly. Then out of the blue, he chuckles softly.  
  
"What?" I ask, annoyed.  
  
"You taste like ramen." He chuckles some more.  
  
"And you're complaining? You taste like soba!" I retort, joining in the chuckling.  
  
"I'm not complaining. Ramen tastes nice."  
  
"Well, soba is okay. Sukiyaki tastes better though."  
  
"I'll bet. How was your game yesterday?"  
  
Game? Oh, the Dan games. I had one scheduled for yesterday and almost skipped it but Akira insisted that I go. He was supposed to have his the day before but called in with a migraine because he had to stay for observation purposes. The professional Go world remains ignorant of Akira's true condition. A few like his parents, Ogata Jyudan, Waya, Isumi, and myself know the truth but have also remained silent. I had to tell Waya and Isumi because Waya kept asking me to go out with him and Isumi and I kept declining in favour of being with Akira, so I eventually ran out of excuses and Akira gave me permission to spill the beans on condition that they kept the secret. They agreed and visited the very next day. I understand the secrecy; the last thing I'd want is a pre-obituary in the Weekly Go and Akira doesn't want to sit out the Hokuto Tournament.  
  
"Piece of cake. I won by resignation after half an hour. How else did I get back here so early?" I reply.  
  
He gives me a half-hearted punch to the shoulder. "Cocky brat."  
  
"Anal retentive jerk."  
  
He grins. "Let's *not* go at this again."  
  
I agree. "Let's not."  
  
I straighten and begin clearing the stones on the Goban five seconds before my boyfriend's father walks in. I am so going to have to get used to thinking of him as my boyfriend instead of just my rival. The former Meijin tells Akira to change and prepare to leave. "Oh, Dr. Eventine advises against flying to Korea," he adds.  
  
"Oh? We'll go by ferry, then," Akira replies.  
  
His father nods and turns to go, but not before raising a greying eyebrow at the usage of the plural pronoun 'we' instead of the singular 'I'.  
  
"Oh, father?" he starts, sliding off the bed to his feet.  
  
He pauses and turns back to face his only son.  
  
"Can Hikaru stay over sometimes to practise with me for the Hokuto Cup?"  
  
The corners of the old man's mouth twitch upwards slightly at that. "Every night if it's fine with his parents. He can even move in with us if you want," he answers, with an extremely amused expression on his aging visage.  
  
Akira has the good graces to blush at that before answering. "Thank you, father."  
  
I proceed to offer my thanks with a small bow as if on cue.  
  
He waves it off saying, "Akira, if it's only about the tournament, I am not your father."  
  
Akira simply reddens further and doesn't reply as his father leaves the room without waiting for one.  
  
"Boy, are we transparent," I comment.  
  
He goes tomato-red, proceeding to change out of his hospital gown.  
  
"I wonder why?" I observe dryly. "How many people do you change in front of, Aki?"  
  
He -if possible- blushes even more. "None," he admits.  
  
"If I didn't already know, I'd ask you 'to what do I owe the pleasure?'."  
  
I put the cover on the Go-tsubo. "I'd much rather you asked why I didn't do it before," he mutters under his breath, pulling on a pair of brown _jeans_.  
  
"I already know that too," I tell him to show that I heard. "You know, I've never seen you in jeans," I observe as he pulls on a peach sweater with orange patterns.  
  
"Well, now you have." He turns and grabs a thick viridian jacket.  
  
"Aki, get the stick out of your ass. It's a metre long," I tell him rhetorically.  
  
"That's what you fell for, remember?" he asks, zipping his small brown shoulder bag, shouldering it and making for the door.  
  
"So I am reminded everyday." I roll my eyes and follow him out, carrying his Goban.  
  
~Akira~  
  
I walk out of the Japanese Go Institute behind my rival and boyfriend at half past twelve in the afternoon. We couldn't think of an excuse to both miss this Go convention; there's only so many migraines a person can have and it would be way too coincidental if Hikaru got sick on precisely the same day I did. The truth is, of course, out of the question. Besides, being history's youngest ever Honinbou and title-holder, the organizers were practically begging for his presence. The person in question is busy rambling on about how painfully agonizing Go conventions were and how many games of Shidougo one had to play consecutively. Of course, being the Honinbou and only title-holder at the Shidougo corner meant people standing in lines to play him. He paused at the curb and looked up at the pale winter sky.  
  
"It's going to snow again today."  
  
I come to stand beside him. "Yeah," I agree. "And we'll be caught in it for sure. We've got an exhibition game coming up later."  
  
He groans at the thought of trudging home through thick snow. "Yeah, but at least it's you."  
  
He had insisted on my being his opponent, practically threatening to leave or not show up at all otherwise. "I know you love being the Honinbou," I tell him sarcastically. "I'm going to crush a title-holder today." I grin, watching Hikaru bristle at the notion.  
  
"We'll see about that," he returns smugly.  
  
I roll my eyes, making for the ramen stand across the street. The scorecard of all the games we've ever played still stands in my favour but the balance is quickly shifting. Suddenly, he grabs my arm and yanks me back. I turn to face him. "What's wrong? I know you want to live in there."  
  
He shakes his head and with an amused expression replies, "Not unless you're the chef."  
  
"I play professional Go, not cook professional ramen," I inform him.  
  
"Not too late for a change in occupation, you know."  
  
What if it *is* too late? I push the thought away. "No thanks, I'd be running a loss feeding my boyfriend alone."  
  
"I'm not _that_ bad, Aki. And not today."  
  
I raise an eyebrow. "What? A paradigm shift?" I enquire in disbelief.  
  
He shakes his head again, no. "What would _you_ like to eat?"  
  
Me? I blink. Since when... Oh. I feel my eyes start to sting and resolutely fight down the wave of emotion. He's letting me decide because I might not have much time left to enjoy the things I like. God, if we weren't directly in front of Nihon-kiin, I'd hug him, kiss him even. Ask me just one week ago, and 'sweet' would *not* have been in that part of my vocabulary entitled 'Words To Describe Shindou Hikaru'. Well, I guess a week can do wonders to change a person's outlook on life. Especially when 'life' could mean a fortnight.  
  
"Oi. Aki. Lunch. Hungry. Running out of time. What do you want to eat?" He waves his hands in front of my face to get my attention.  
  
I have been lost in thought for quite a while. I ponder over lunch for a moment. "Unagi Donburi," I tell him with a grin.  
  
He grins back at me. "I haven't eaten that in a long time. Let's go." He starts walking off down the road.  
  
I quickly fall in step behind him. "That's because your diet consists of ramen, ramen, and more ramen. It's in the stage called 'extremely unhealthy obsession'."  
  
He grimaces at that. "Not true. I like other stuff too."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"I like sushi, konnyaku jelly, ice cream, sukiyaki, sashimi... this." He pulls me close abruptly.  
  
I settle into his arm. "Yes, but you've still got an extremely unhealthy ramen obsession."  
  
"It's not unhealthy. At least my life doesn't revolve around ramen the way yours revolves around Go."  
  
"My life does _not_ *revolve* around Go."  
  
"Yes, it does. You eat Go, drink Go, sleep Go, live Go. If that's not revolving around Go, I don't know what is."  
  
"I don't."  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
"Do not."  
  
"Do to."  
  
"Do not."  
  
"Do to."  
  
"DO NOT."  
  
"DO TO."  
  
"DO NOT."  
  
"Remember the doctor's advice: no stress, no anger, no strenuous activity."  
  
"Oh, shut up, Hikaru. Just shut up."  
  
* * *  
  
"Not here. Here," I tell him, gesturing at the black and white patterns on the board between my rival and me.  
  
"No, that would leave this side too weak. It would have been too easy for you."  
  
"Have you ever made anything easy? No, if you played here, it would have given you a chance here."  
  
"For what? Five moku?"  
  
"Yeah, but it would have kept me from playing here because playing there would be a sente. I'd have to respond."  
  
"Right, but not unless you didn't bother and went on here, which you would have. I know you, Aki; you would have ignored a threat to five moku to attack this side without much thought."  
  
"Well, what about this side? Why didn't you try to stop me here earlier?"  
  
He offers a sheepish grin in reply. "Truth is, I sort of miscalculated."  
  
"Miscalculated," I echo incredulously.  
  
"Yeah... I didn't realize how much I had to lose there initially. By the time I did, it was too late."  
  
"You didn't realize?!" I nearly screech. "Just how do you intend to win the tourney like this?!"  
  
"I am not perfect, Aki, and neither are you! You missed the threat to this side entirely too!"  
  
"I did *not* miss it, Hikaru! I just let it go in favour of here!"  
  
"Screw your pride, Aki! You're telling me you just gave up twenty moku like that?!"  
  
"No! It was not twenty moku to begin with!" We are currently disintegrating the roof and windows of my house.  
  
"Yeah, so you miscalculated too! Who are you to judge?!"  
  
"We're discussing the game, Hikaru! I'm supposed to tell you!!"  
  
"Arrogant jerk!" He sticks out his tongue at me.  
  
I bristle. "Cocky moron!" No one who was watching this would have ever mistaken us for professionals of any kind, let alone a title-holder and a rising star of the professional Go world.  
  
"Anal retentive idiot!"  
  
"Immature fool!"  
  
"Childish dummy!!"  
  
"Stupid kid!!"  
  
"Get the stick out of your ass, Aki!! It keeps growing longer!!"  
  
"Why don't you use your brains for a change instead?!"  
  
At the mention of the word brains, he pauses and blinks. Suddenly, he gives me an ear-splitting grin. "Aki, remember the doctor's advice," he tells me, waving a finger in my face like a mother scolding a child for being naughty. "No stress, no anger, no..."  
  
"Shut up, Hikaru."  
  
"...strenuous activity," he finishes.  
  
"Just shut up," I tell him.  
  
"Have you taken your medicine today?" he asks sweetly in a sugarcoated voice. Hikaru knows I hate taking the medication even if it keeps me alive. It really tastes awfully awful. I take it anyway because I don't want to die, but I still dread the times of the day when I have to take it. One of which is now.  
  
I groan. "No. I'll go eat it now." I stand. "Clear the board?"  
  
He nods. "But you're supposed to have it with meals," he reminds me.  
  
I glance at the clock; it's past dinnertime. I don't want to know how he knows more about my medication than I do. Well, it's not as if I don't already know. "Yeah," I agree. "I'll eat something. Cookies, maybe." I turn to leave my room.  
  
"Wait."  
  
I turn. "Hm?"  
  
"I'm hungry; let's go out for some supper. You can take the drugs then." He starts clearing the board.  
  
I smile and kneel to help him. "Un," I agree.  
  
He returns the smile and sweeps the rest of the stones into their respective tsubos. I clamp the covers down on them and we both stand, the coordination of our movements a clear indication of how often we do this. I grab our coats and we quickly put them on. Then he puts an arm around my waist and leads me out of the room. I simply settle into his arm and snuggle closer as we exit.  
  
* * *  
  
I yawn, dropping onto my bed gracelessly. I flop back and watch as Hikaru moves the Goban out of the way and walks over to unfold his futon. He is halfway through when I impulsively call him. "Hikaru?"  
  
He turns. "Hm?"  
  
I simply pat the bed beside me. "It's cold tonight," I murmur softly.  
  
His face splits into a wide grin. "You don't need an excuse to get me in bed with you, Aki," he informs me mischievously.  
  
I feel the colour rising in my cheeks at that and resolutely fight down the blush. He refolds his futon and comes over to lie down beside me. I throw the blanket over both of us and snuggle closer to him as he wraps an arm around me. "I don't want to die, Hikaru," I whisper to him softly. I have no idea where that came from; it just rolled off my tongue.  
  
"So don't," he replies. "I don't want you to either."  
  
I simply bury my face in his hair and drift off in reply.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
I look up at the clock on the wall of Akira's room. It's eleven on Thursday morning. We need to leave at twelve to get to the train station. We're taking the train to Fukuoka and from there, a ferry to Pusan where we'll catch a train to Seoul. We'll reach the Hyatt Hotel in Seoul, where the tournament is to be held, on Saturday night if everything goes off without a hitch. Akira's still asleep. In the last few days, I've discovered that my boyfriend likes sleeping in even more than I do. Not that I've never slept over at his house before this, but he always woke up before me even then. Well, time to wake him up then. I cross over to his bed and shake him gently. He groans in reply and rolls over. I grin and jab him in the ribs.  
  
He sits up. "Don't." He glares balefully at first me, then the sunlight streaming in through the windows.  
  
"It's eleven," I inform him and walk off to check my bag. Satisfied, I zip it close just as someone walks right into me.  
  
"Sorry," Akira mumbles, looking unscrupulously cute rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.  
  
I see no reason not to kiss him awake, so stand and whirl around abruptly to place my lips over his.  
  
"Un," he grunts incoherently in mild protest but responds anyway.  
  
I break off some time later. "Go get ready. We leave at twelve." I laugh.  
  
He just gives me a murderous glare and trudges off wordlessly to the bathroom.  
  
* * *  
  
"You're sleeping in that?" I ask incredulously as my rival and boyfriend unfolds a sweater and a pair of slacks after bathing. This train just happens to have a few showers for the long journeys it makes.  
  
He turns to Look at me. "Yeah, why?"  
  
"You can sleep in that?" I question in disbelief.  
  
"Yes, I can. What's wrong with that?" he sounds to be getting annoyed.  
  
I cross over to my bag. "Geez, man, are you even human?" I rifle through my belongings and finally find what I want. I pull it out and hand it to him. "Here, wear these."  
  
He stares at the white T-shirt and knee-length blue denim overalls in his hands. He blinks slowly. Twice. Thrice, in fact. "You want me to wear these?" he echoes, incredulity lacing his voice.  
  
"Yeah, who's going to see you? We're on a train, you dolt! And it's too warm in here to sleep in sweaters!"  
  
He decides not to pursue the argument. "Fine," he agrees grudgingly.  
  
Five minutes later, I am nearly hysterical with laughter just looking at him. He looks like a really cute kid in that get up and the fact that he's so put off at the idea only adds to the hilarity.  
  
"I know you made me wear these deliberately, Hikaru," he accuses, glaring at me so murderously it almost scares me. Almost.  
  
I laugh some more. "Come on, Aki; you look so cute in that! Maybe you should wear that at the tourney; you'd win for sure 'cause your opponent won't be able to concentrate on the game just looking at you."  
  
"That is NOT *funny*!!" He starts to take it off.  
  
I stand and move to wrap my arms around him from behind. "Don't."  
  
"You will not stop laughing at me and no one would ever forget seeing me in this and I look stupid."  
  
"No, you don't. Fine, I won't laugh; I promise. Keep it on, please?"  
  
He does not reply.  
  
"I like you in this. It's cute!" He tries to take it off again. "And it's mine," I add.  
  
He stops. "You won't laugh?"  
  
"No, I swear. Cross my heart. Happy?"  
  
"Okay," he grudgingly agrees.  
  
I peck him on the nose as he turns around. "But seriously, Aki, you really do look unscrupulously adorable in it," I inform him with an ear-splitting grin.  
  
He pouts, looking cuter than anyone had the right to. "You said you wouldn't laugh."  
  
"I'm not laughing," I point out.  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"Are to."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Are to."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Are to."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"ARE TO."  
  
"Remember what the doctor... oof."  
  
He covers my mouth with his own to cut me off. I return the kiss and pretty soon I'm on top of him on the bed in our small train cabin. We break off to meet each other's gazes. We stare at each other that way until I think the very air around us is about to self-combust from the tension and finally I grin at him.  
  
"French dinner?" I offer.  
  
He pauses to consider the idea, then nods. "Un, give me a sec. I'll change..."  
  
"No, don't bother. It's just dinner. Let's go." I drag him out the door with me amid protests and he finally decides to be rational and walk there himself instead of being dragged like the difficult child he presently looks like. He plods down the corridor to the dinner hall behind me glaring balefully at my back all the while.  
  
* * *  
  
"It's beautiful," Akira breathes, taking in the view.  
  
"I know," I tell him softly.  
  
We're on the ferry to Pusan and it's seven on Friday night. When we get to Pusan, we'll take a train to Seoul and then a cab from the station to the Hyatt Hotel near Itaewon. Right now, we're standing on the deck of the ship looking enjoying the night view and the sea breeze. I taste the salty spray on my lips as the ship rocks gently upon the waves and Akira leans on the railing. The half moon is high in the sky by now and the stars are glimmering brightly like jewels in the sky. The night is cold and we're both wearing coats and scarves and sweaters. I don't take ferries often enough, I decide. I've been missing out on this cool fresh ocean breeze and clear starry sky. I rarely see the stars back in Tokyo; the view's usually blocked by skyscrapers and occasionally smog. It's when we're standing here looking up at all these jewels in the sky sometimes that we realize how rich we really are. We spend so much of our lives running around looking for material riches that we end up forgetting that the best things in life are free. Like smiles, like the stars, like the seasons, like the breeze, like love. I return my attention to my boyfriend leaning silently on the railing in front of me. Suddenly, I remember this song I heard on the radio a few years back, a song from a movie I watched back then. I smile as the lyrics flow through my mind unbidden.  
  
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing Watch you smile while you are sleeping While you're far away and dreaming I could spend my life in this sweet surrender I could stay lost in this moment forever  
  
"Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure..." I sing out the words softly to myself on impulse. Akira turns to look at me as I go on.  
  
"I don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing."  
  
Oh, right. Now I remember, it's called I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith from the movie Armageddon.  
  
"What song is that?" my boyfriend enquires curiously. "I've never heard it before."  
  
"That's 'cause you're cut off from civilisation. It's the theme song from the movie Armageddon," I reply.  
  
"Never watched it." He turns back to face the open sea and leans back against me, resting his head on my shoulder.  
  
"You don't watch _any_ movies, Aki," I remind him. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"It's nice... sweet." And we stay that way for a very long time before returning to our cabin to catch a few winks.  
  
* * *  
  
Saturday night and we wearily lumber over to the reception desk of the Seoul Hyatt Hotel. It's a really nice hotel and I'd normally be impressed and into exploring but with all the travelling and my boyfriend's impending death, I'm rather hard-pressed for the mood. Even the receptionist's cheerful and polite greeting does nothing to improve my disposition.  
  
"Good evening, sirs. How may I be of service?" she asks in Korean.  
  
I decide to let Akira, who -like me- is back in his usual suit and tie, do the talking; his Korean -and his manners, I grudgingly admit- is better. "Anyong hase yo," he greets back in flawless and unaccented Korean. "We're here for the Hokuto Tournament. Japanese representatives Touya Akira and Shindou Hikaru."  
  
I understand what is being said perfectly. I learned the hard way that you can't be in Korea and not know Korean. Most Koreans don't speak much else and you wouldn't even be able to buy a bottle of water if you didn't speak the language. I still don't speak it like Akira does though, so perfect and fluent. Thus, I leave the talking to him.  
  
"Well, sirs, we've unfortunately run out of rooms with double beds. I'm terribly sorry but would you mind a queen-sized bed instead? We'll upgrade you to a suite with no extra charge for our mistake but all the suites available have only queen-sized beds too," she says, looking ardently apologetic.  
  
I hide a grin as Akira replies, "Certainly, we're fine with that." He is trying equally hard not to show his obvious glee; we would have requested a queen-sized bed anyway had there been any double bedded rooms left. Now we get a suite and won't have to announce to the general public that we're gay; if that's not good news, I don't know what it is.  
  
She smiles with relief and hands us the key cards to the room. "The sixteenth floor, sirs. The elevators are that way." She indicates a corridor.  
  
"Thank you." Akira and I turn around and begin walking in the indicated direction grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"A suite, how sweet," I remark, the obvious pun adding to the hilarity of the situation.  
  
"Right. A queen bed with nothing said," he returns, joining in the rhyming fun.  
  
"Tonight I'll beat you nice and neat," I challenge.  
  
"Let's see for who are those words true," he responds smugly.  
  
We take the elevators up to the sixteenth floor and enter our room. We leave our bags at the foot of the bed and I immediately take my Goban out and place it on the small round coffee table. I discard my tie as we sit down opposite each other and Nigiri without hesitation. I win and play a komoku on my upper right corner. He responds with a hoshi on his upper left corner. I smile, playing a komoku on my lower left corner. He in turn does a hoshi on his lower right corner. The corners taken up, we move on to the sides and I end the hoshi take with the Tengen, allowing him to begin the attack. He attacks my upper right komoku and I respond, beginning a very long, very tough, and very complicated battle for the corner and for the rest of the board after that.  
  
"Half a moku. My loss," Akira concedes an hour later.  
  
I grin. "Told you I'd beat you tonight."  
  
"It's only half a moku, Hikaru. Quit being so arrogant about it."  
  
"It's not arrogant, Aki; it's smug," I reply.  
  
"Let's discuss it."  
  
"Let's not. Remember: no stress, no anger..." He shoots me a warning Look. "Okay, alright. But it's late," I tell him, glancing at my watch; it's twelve midnight.  
  
He looks at his watch. "Right. Fine, let's unpack and get to bed." He stands and crosses over to where we left our bags at the foot of the bed. I rise and join him.  
  
"I guess we'll be seeing Young-ha and Su-yon tomorrow. Yashiro should be asleep in his room by now."  
  
"Aa," is all the reply I get.  
  
"I'm going to kick Young-ha's natural jerk ass this year, you just watch," I tell Akira, my face a mask of determination.  
  
"Yeah, knowing you, you'd never give anyone the pleasure of beating the Honinbou in anything but the title match," he agrees. "You take too much pride and pleasure just wearing the crown."  
  
"Yup, and I'm going to make sure Su-yon keeps his losing streak against me," I add.  
  
My rival and boyfriend just rolls his eyes in response to that. So far, Su- yon hasn't quite won a game against me yet. We're good friends now, but he's still not going to be beating me anytime soon if I get my way. We stow our things in one side of the cupboard each and put our wallets, passports, and identification in the safe provided before brushing our teeth and flopping back together onto the bed without even changing.  
  
"I'm exhausted," Akira declares as if to the ceiling.  
  
"Really," I respond dryly.  
  
"Yeah, I've never had to travel such a long way for such a long period of time before."  
  
"Remind me," I reply, not losing the dry edge to my voice.  
  
He turns to face me. "You know, Hikaru, the song on the ship?"  
  
I turn as well. "Song? Oh, the one from the movie?"  
  
He nods.  
  
"Yeah, what about it?"  
  
"Can you sing the rest of it for me? I like it," he requests softly.  
  
I hesitate, then remember that he might only have a week left to live. I fight down the sorrow that comes with the thought but fail to keep my eyes from growing moist. I nod and start the second half of the song as he slides his emerald green eyes shut.  
  
"Lying close to you feeling your heart beating And I'm wondering what you're dreaming Wondering if it's me you're seeing And then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together And I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever Forever and ever.  
  
"I don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing.  
  
"And I don't wanna miss one smile And I don't wanna miss one kiss Well, I just wanna be with you Right here with you, just like this I just wanna hold you close Feel your heart so close to mine And just stay here within this moment for all the rest of time...  
  
"I don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep..." I choke softly on the wave of emotion washing over me.  
  
"'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing..." I brush the tears out of my eyes violently with the back of my hand.  
  
"'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do..." Akira opens his eyes to look up at me, his own eyes brimming with tears.  
  
"I'd still miss you, babe And I don't wanna miss a thing."  
  
He pulls me down to kiss me and I part my lips to him, kissing him back gently. I don't want to lose this... it's all I ever wanted with him and it's not fair for it to end so soon. It just isn't fair. We break off and I hold his gaze with my own. He reaches up to brush away a tear on my cheek. Suddenly, I recall something very important. I jump up and hurry to my luggage.  
  
"What?" he questions, sitting up.  
  
Translation: What the hell is it that's more important than me?  
  
The answer: Nothing.  
  
"Just give me a sec." I ransack my bag for it and smile when I finally find it. I take a medium-sized flat square box wrapped in a simple grass green wrapper decorated with yellow butterflies. "Here." I hand him the box, coming over to sit beside him on the bed.  
  
"What's this?" he asks, genuinely curious.  
  
I wrap an arm around his slender waist. "Happy birthday, you dolt."  
  
He blinks for a moment, then... "You remembered..." he whispers.  
  
"Of course I did. I'm not like you. You can't even remember your own birthday and the last birthday present you gave me not too recently was to try really hard and nearly succeed to get yourself killed," I reply dryly.  
  
A teardrop falls onto the box, wetting the wrapper slightly.  
  
"Hey, don't! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to remind you..." I start.  
  
He shakes his head, no. "It's not that I can't remember. I used to remember perfectly every year." He wipes away the tears with the back of his hand. "It's just that no one else really cares about birthdays anyway and the most we'd have since I was four is a family dinner. Sometimes, Ogata-sensei and Ashiwara would turn up and I'd only get presents from my parents and them. It's not that I couldn't invite friends over and have parties; I could but I wouldn't really have enough guests for a party, that is to say, I'd have none. I'm a social pariah, Hikaru; I don't have friends. I probably paid the price of spending each and every day playing Go for hours and hours; I acquired all the Go skills I ever wanted to have but it left me socially impaired." He rests his head on my shoulder. "I've never gotten a present from anyone else until now."  
  
I pull him closer still. "Well, stop crying and be happy for once. It's your birthday; open your present," I order as cheerfully as I can.  
  
He nods and offers me a crooked smile before carefully peeling the cellophane tape off the wrapper. I almost smack my forehead in exasperation; he's really got a seriously obsessive neat streak. I watch as he slowly and meticulously removes each piece of tape and unwraps the gift, leaving the wrapping paper perfectly intact.  
  
"You know, it's traditional to rip the wrapper apart," I inform him.  
  
"It's nice. I'd like to keep it."  
  
I roll my eyes. "You're just too neat a person."  
  
"It reminds me of you," he whispers.  
  
I don't reply as he finishes with the wrapper and opens the dark red box. He smiles as he pulls out the clothes. It's an emerald green sweater with yellow green patterns and a pair of viridian slacks complete with thick murky green socks and a dark green scarf.  
  
"Try it on," I tell him.  
  
He smiles cheerfully and nods, jumping up to change. I watch as he dons the sweater and pulls on the slacks, then makes neat cuffs with the socks and wraps the scarf around his neck.  
  
"It really does suit you," I comment with a smile.  
  
He nods happily. "Thanks. It's really nice."  
  
"Truth is, I bought it for you last year. I saw it at this shop and the first thing I thought about was strangely, how well it would suit you. So I bought it on impulse and had it wrapped up. I brought it to the Go Salon with me on your birthday last year but you just started jabbering off about Go and challenging me to a game as usual, so I thought you didn't care about birthdays. Then we started arguing as usual and I ended up not giving it to you, obviously. But still, I don't know why but I never opened it and used it myself. I just left it at a corner of my cupboard at home and when I was packing to come here, I found it and decided to give it to you now. It was kind of big then but it fits perfectly now, so I guess I made the right choice after all," I confess ruefully.  
  
He nods. "Thank you. I really like it." He bends down and takes off the socks, folding them neatly and putting them back in the box before folding his scarf and doing the same.  
  
"You're welcome, Aki. Happy birthday."  
  
He puts the box on the dresser and returns to flop back gracelessly on the bed. I lie back on my side beside him and put an arm around him. We remain that way in silence for a very long time. Just when it seems like we'll be staying that way forever, he breaks the silence. "I'm sorry."  
  
I give him a questioning look. "For what?"  
  
"I'm sorry we realized this so late." His eyes cloud over again. "If we only realized how we felt sooner, we'd have more than seven days left. I'm sorry there's so little of this left, Hikaru; I don't want it to end." He blinks back the tears furiously.  
  
"Don't. It won't end. And there's no use crying over spilt milk. What's done is done. We can't change the past."  
  
He nods. Out of the blue, he takes my hand and guides it beneath the sweater. My fingers brush smooth bare skin, warm and silken. He looks up at me. "Hikaru, for the first and the last... please." The first teardrop falls and trickles down his face.  
  
"It won't be the last, Aki," I tell him with a vehemence even I find startling.  
  
Indeed he blinks, then reaches up to unbutton my shirt. "Then for the first," he whispers and I take him in my arms, pressing my lips to his. I feel the passion rising in his willowy frame beneath my touch and pull him closer, discarding pieces of clothing as we move against each other gently. I trail kisses down his throat and he tilts his head back to give me better access.  
  
"I'd never let you die, Aki, not if I can help it. There's too much to lose," I promise, my fingers caressing his inner thighs lightly.  
  
He moans softly at the sensation and trembles at the strength of his desire. "I don't want to lose you," he whispers hoarsely.  
  
"You won't," I tell him firmly and we lose ourselves in the passion and heat of simply being intimately close together.  
  
~Akira~  
  
I snuggle closer to Hikaru beneath the blankets after what must have been the best night of my life. We're still warm in the afterglow of all the lovemaking and I've never felt better. Just when I feel so alive, just when I want this life so much, it's going to be taken away from me. I want to live more than I've ever wanted to before because now I have so much more than I've ever had before and I'm going to die soon. It's not fair; it just isn't. My lover turns to face me and wraps his arms around me. I return the embrace, smiling happily. I don't want to die; I won't die, I know, because I want to live on... live with this, with him. So I'll make it; they can't take this away from me... I won't let them.  
  
"Aki?" he calls, bringing me out of my reverie.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Remember what I said one year and eight months ago?"  
  
"One year and eight months?" I rack my mind for the incident in question.  
  
"The Meijin preliminaries," he reminds me.  
  
"Oh, right. What about it?"  
  
"I said I'd tell you everything someday, right?"  
  
Oh. Sai. I feel a tingle of anticipation. I'm finally going to know the answer to the mystery; I'll finally know who Sai is and how he is related to Hikaru. I'm finally going to find out.  
  
"You still want to know the truth?"  
  
"Of course!! I've been waiting forever for you to tell me!" I exclaim.  
  
"Now?" he asks.  
  
"If you like; if it's okay with you," I tell him.  
  
"Alright... Well, Sai's..." He struggles for the words. "...A ghost," he finishes.  
  
A ghost. I blink at him. You have got to be kidding me.  
  
He probably catches the look of disbelief on my face. "No, wait. I'm not crazy; let me explain."  
  
I nod, indicating that he should continue.  
  
"It's like this. I found an old Goban in my grandfather's attic when I was in the sixth grade. I saw tearstains and bloodstains on it but Akari, who was with me, didn't see anything. So I kept trying to clean it off because I wanted to sell the Goban for some pocket money..." He catches my disapproving look and grins. "Then I heard this voice asking me if I could see the stains and when the voice realized I really could, this person materialized in front of me and took over a part of my mind. That was Sai. He was a Go player from the Heian Dynasty but he was wronged and falsely accused of cheating at Go when his opponent cheated instead and was banished. He committed suicide but his soul couldn't pass on because he wanted to play more Go. You know, I can really imagine you in that situation?"  
  
I give him a glare but say nothing.  
  
"Well, anyway, his soul took shelter in that Goban I found. Sai _was_ Honinbou Shuusaku, Aki."  
  
"Huh?" I don't quite understand.  
  
"Torajiro found the Goban Sai was in and Sai took over a part of his mind much the way he did with mine and Torajiro let him play. It was Torajiro placing the pieces with Sai telling him where to place them. Torajiro was the body and the face while Sai was the mind of Honinbou Shuusaku."  
  
I nod slowly. I think I understand.  
  
"Well, as you know, back when I just met Sai I had no interest in Go. But he wanted to play so much that I took Go classes to learn the basics in the end. I still let him play, of course; I just needed to know what he was talking about so I could place the stones for him. And then he kept bugging and finally I agreed to take him to actually play Go and that's how I ended up in your father's Go Salon and meeting you." He smiles.  
  
I return the smile. "So, that was Sai who beat me then?"  
  
"Yeah, both times."  
  
"What about the Internet?"  
  
"That was Sai too. You see, he was such a strong player that his strength kept drawing undue attention to me. But he still wanted to play and he was... a friend; I couldn't really be selfish and say no. Then we heard about Internet Go at this convention and I decided to let him play online since no one would really know who it was that was playing."  
  
"So, it really was you!" I accuse.  
  
"Yes and no. I didn't play a single game online; it was always him. And then at the end of the holidays, we stopped because I didn't have the time to go to the cyber café. Then I met Kishimoto at a bookstore and heard about the Insei and your becoming a pro. So I promptly went and became an Insei. I played with Sai every night and tried really hard to enter the Young Lion's Tournament. I managed it in the end; I promised Ogata Jyudan I'd be in anyway and I heard that you'd be there." He grins widely. "Did Ogata tell you he invited me to join your father's study group?"  
  
I shake my head, no. "And?"  
  
"And I refused, of course. I declared that I wasn't about to study with you because we were rivals."  
  
"Arrogant idiot."  
  
"Anal retentive jerk."  
  
"Don't. Get on with the story."  
  
"Right. And then I took the pro exam and became a pro. He helped me along the way; he was nice. I was really sad when he left. That's why I kept missing my games at first. He left and I thought it was because I didn't let him play, so I stopped playing because I wanted to see him again. Then Isumi-san came and insisted I play a game with him; I couldn't say no and in that game, I realized that the only way I could see Sai again was to play Go because he is in my games. That's when I ran to see you and started playing again."  
  
"He played for you in the pro exam?!" I ask in disbelief and anger. "How could..."  
  
He clamps his hand over my mouth. "Did I say he played for me, Aki?" he asks seriously.  
  
I blink at him, then shake my head.  
  
"I played all those games myself, Aki. He helped by practising with me every night and getting me prepared for the games." He laughs. "I still remember him insisting that exercise clears the mind and making me go out of the Institute to do stretching exercises. We were standing behind Nihon- kiin on the grass stretching and going 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2 and looking so ridiculous!!"  
  
I laugh with him.  
  
"The Beginner Dan Series?"  
  
"Against your father? That was Sai. He insisted and I couldn't refuse him when he even agreed to handicap himself so as not to draw attention to me. Then I made that Internet appointment with your father for him because I know he wanted to play your father so badly and I just wanted him to be happy. I'm sorry your father retired after losing the game. I shouldn't have let him say that."  
  
"No, retirement's good for him. Mother says so too. He's better than he's ever been and the cardiac problems are improving. He's happy playing for the Beijing team," I tell my lover insistently.  
  
"That's good. I'm glad." But I know the guilt won't really ever go away.  
  
"What about the team tournament?"  
  
"Kaiou, against you?"  
  
I nod.  
  
"Half and half. He played at first. Then I realized how much I wanted to play you and I took over and everything went down the drain from there and you left."  
  
He left out the fact that I left so disappointed and angry that I immediately signed up for the pro exams. "So the Meijin prelims was you?"  
  
"Yeah, everything after the Beginner Dans Series was me. The Dan Games and all, that was me. He was already gone by the Meijin prelims, Aki, remember?"  
  
I nod as he caresses the turn of my hip.  
  
"So, no mystery now. What do you think? Does this change anything?" he asks lightly.  
  
It doesn't fool me, though. He's asking if I still feel the same now that I know. Stupid Hikaru. You know the answer, you idiot; you know the answer! I plant a kiss at the base of his throat. "Stupid Hikaru," I murmur. "It was always you, don't you know? There was never anyone else for me. It was always you. And now I realize, that it was never really about Go in the end. It was always you, just you. Go, Sai... That was just the missing link in a long chain that had always been there. It was always about you," I tell him softly.  
  
He gives me the sunny smile I like so much. I'm going to miss that smile if I die, so I don't want to die and I won't. "Yeah, it was always you too. I wouldn't even be playing Go if I didn't meet you. Sai alone could never have convinced me to play what I thought was an awfully boring game at that time. Even now, it isn't half as good without that fire in your eyes every time I look across the Goban." He gives me an ear-splitting grin. "You know, I swear that game face of yours alone could cause an air-conditioned room to self-combust given enough time."  
  
I glare vindictively at him and he laughs heartily.  
  
"No, it's part of your charm, Aki. It's all part of your charm," he drawls, laughing hysterically.  
  
I merely give him a dirty Look and bury my face in his shoulder to sleep.  
  
A/N: Bear with me!! Did you get a toothache reading this? I got one  
writing it! Too much fluff and sugar and pink! I knew I shouldn't have  
let my Fluff Muse, Candy, hang around while I was writing this! (Wails)  
I'm sorry, I'll keep it down in the next chapter. I don't know how this  
chapter got so long anyway. Probably because Seraph (my Romance Muse),  
Storm (my Angst Muse), and Venus (my Yaoi Muse) have been working  
overtime on this. Don't get the wrong idea, though; all my muses are  
bishounens! And they're all chibi and really cute. Seraph looks like  
Raiha from Flame of Recca with white angel wings, Storm looks like Naoe  
Nagi from Weib Kreuz Glühen sitting on a floating black stormcloud,  
Venus looks -incidentally- like Touya Akira wearing a lacey flamingo  
pink baby dress (crossdressing) floating around in a bubble, and Candy  
looks like Sakuma Ryuuichi from Gravitation sitting on a levitating wad  
of cotton candy. I love my muses even if they ARE evil because they are  
so adorable... Anyway, sorry for the late updates and please review... 


	10. The Last North Star

A/N: I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS CHAPTER TOOK SO LONG IN COMING!!! I really  
wanted to write and update but I've been so busy and all and well...  
Writing is a time-consuming affair. I got to work the instant I got on  
holiday and I hope this was worth the long wait. Please review more.  
They're what keeps me going despite all the obstacles life puts before  
my writing of this fic! Thank you for your patience and all the reviews  
I have already received. I read each and every one of them! Now, enough  
babbling for now. Please accept my profuse apologies and enjoy the story  
(I hope). *For those who liked the Korean bunch and thought they got way  
too little 'airtime' in the manga and all, look forward to some juicy  
interactions!*  
  
Chapter 9: The Last North Star  
  
~Akira~  
  
My lover has absolutely no sense of responsibility. I like to sleep in too but he needs me to wake him up on the first day of the Hokuto Tournament? I adjust my tie and smoothen my shirt before walking back over to the bed where Hikaru still lies asleep. Lunch is in two hours' time and after that, the opening ceremony will start. We're supposed to meet up with Yashiro and Kurata-san, who had somehow bullied his way into being team manager again, about an hour from now and he is still far from being ready. I reach out and shake him gently. He groans and rolls over. I try again.  
  
"Hikaru! Wake up! Today's... un." He pulls me down by my tie to kiss me. I break off. "At this rate, we'll never get down to meeting Yashiro and Kurata-san," I tell him as his hands trail down my body.  
  
"Who cares? Whatever they're going to tell us, we'll find out later anyway." He starts caressing my rear.  
  
"Utterly irresponsible. Lunch is in two hours time and then the opening ceremony starts after that." Against my best efforts, I feel my body responding to his burning touch.  
  
"Mm... Maybe we'll skip that too," he murmurs against my skin as he begins undoing all the effort I put into dressing up a moment ago.  
  
I struggle to remain in control. "Excuse me, but unless you've forgotten, I've got a speech to give at the opening ceremony. And it's all thanks to you, since you can't be relied upon to say anything polite with Young-ha in the room. Did you know Su-yon will be giving the speech this year, assumingly for a similar reason on the Korean side?" I gasp as his wet finger slides into me. I finally understand why he could never forgive Young-ha's words about Shuusaku. After everything he told me last night, I finally understand.  
  
"Really?" he asks breathlessly, kissing me heatedly.  
  
"Yeah," I reply as breathless as him. "After what happened last year, whoever was in charge decided that it wouldn't do for the redhead to keep insulting the Japanese in public and had Su-yon do the talking instead. As for us, they saw how you reacted last year and decided that team-leader and title-holder or not, you will most certainly not be giving the speech this year and thus, the task fell to me."  
  
"Yes, the ever-polite Touya Akira. All hail Japan's Diplomatic Ambassador of Go Affairs," he drawls, driving me crazy with the way his body moves against mine.  
  
I decide to ignore that, my eyes sliding shut as trails his hand down my spine. "You know, the way we're going, I'm going to have to shower again," I tell him, murmuring into his ear.  
  
"Great; we can shower together then."  
  
I open my eyes to look at him in mock horror. "Then we'll never get down before the ceremony's underway!" I exclaim.  
  
"Maybe we won't get down at all."  
  
"Hikaru!!" And then he presses into me and all I can do is scream.  
  
* * *  
  
Stamina. Unbelievable stamina. Well, unbelievable for a Go-player, that is. I have never been so spent in my life. We only have half an hour left to eat lunch before the opening ceremony starts and Hikaru is busy gobbling his food. The kalbi tang (beef soup) is good and I am enjoying it, but I do wish he could at least show some manners. Kurata-san is busy telling Yashiro not to do anything as risky as the 5-5 and Tengen moves he played during the Fuseki of last year's qualifiers. Hikaru and I were rather happy to know that Yashiro had beaten the rest again this year to play in this tournament. Not to mention the fact that...  
  
"Oi. Yashiro, here he comes. Aren't you two going to cuddle up?" Hikaru asks as a tall twenty-year-old boy with jet-black hair worn with short sideburns and a long rat's tail and equally black eyes approaches.  
  
Not to mention the fact that Yashiro had gotten himself a boyfriend and a Shougi player no less. They were on the same floor as we were and we caught the two of them kissing in the corridor. Hikaru had yet to get over needling Yashiro about the open show of affection, despite having been happy that we weren't the only ones who were going to be late in coming down. Of course, Kurata-san blew his fuses when we finally arrived together at the hotel lobby, but the general public simply turned a deaf ear and he eventually got distracted by An Ten-son anyway. Yashiro had gotten to third dan during the last year and since Lu Lee is nineteen this year, Hikaru will probably playing Wang Shi Chen in the Japan- China match. There is a new player in China's ranks and from what I heard he would most probably be second board. That means that I will be playing against Chang Li Zhe 4-dan and Yashiro will be playing with Chao Shii again this year. Evidently, Hon Su-yon had progressed much more than Im Iruf-han during the last year and will thus be my opponent. Now that Hikaru's the Honinbou, no one is complaining about his being first board. I wonder how the crowd will react if our places were switched in the Japan-China match though.  
  
Yashiro blushes profusely and I hide a chuckle as Kuro Tatsura stops beside him at our table only to calmly ask in his mellow tenor, "Yashiro, did you choke on something? You look like you swallowed something whole."  
  
All three of us burst out laughing as Yashiro nearly actually chokes on his food. Tatsura plays Go surprisingly well for a Shougi pro; he is, in fact, nearly maybe Ochi's level at least, so I can only guess that he is very much better at Shougi. He speaks extremely fluent Korean, English and Mandarin and works as a translator when he isn't playing his professional games. He is also the translator for this event and is thus, like Kurata- san, dressed in a black suit and tie. Hikaru opted to wear dark blue, Yashiro to wear beige, and I to wear dark green. A representative of the organizers comes to inform us that the opening ceremony is beginning and that we should head to the ballroom immediately just as we all finish eating. We stand and enter with some others as the Korean MC gets up on stage and Tatsura rushes up to her side. She introduces herself as Lee Hong-ju and I resign myself to listening to a long run of speeches. We are ushered over to where the rest of the teams are and I watch my lover tense up at the very sight of Ko Young-ha in his cream-coloured suit. Dressed in black like last year, Su-yon hurries over to greet Hikaru.  
  
"Konnichiwa," he says with a smile.  
  
"Anyong hase yo," he replies with a wink. Then suddenly, he feigns surprise. "Oh my God! Your Japanese is comprehensible!"  
  
"Shut up, Shindou. It's not like your Korean pronunciation's great."  
  
"Yeah, we all know mine's much better," I slip in softly, leaning closer to his ear.  
  
He leans away to Look at me. "Oi, Touya. Whose side are you on?"  
  
We both agreed to go on calling each other by our last names. No sense broadcasting our relationship to the world anyway. "Japan's, Shindou, definitely Japan's," I reply smoothly as Su-yon dissolves into laughter.  
  
"Shindou Hikaru," Ko Young-ha greets as he comes over and slips an arm around Su-yon's waist. The younger Korean blushes slightly but neither moves nor comments.  
  
Unwilling to be outdone, Hikaru slips an arm around my waist. "Ko Young- ha," he acknowledges.  
  
Young-ha raises an eyebrow and smirks, but doesn't comment on the gesture. "I hear that you're the Honinbou now, Shindou," he says instead in Korean.  
  
Our Korean isn't fantastic, but enough to understand what he says. Hikaru decides to be a jerk and refuses to reply in Korean. "Certainly and I am going to kick your natural jerk ass this year," he declares. Okay, so I don't think he knows how to say 'jerk' in Korean anyway.  
  
Su-yon translates for his older teammate and Young-ha merely languidly offers a fluid roll of his shoulders in reply. "You said the same thing last year," he replies with a lazy smirk; neither was deliberately meant as an insult, but such was Young-ha's personality. Thus, Hikaru refers to him as a 'natural' jerk. He didn't become a jerk; he always was one. Su-yon translates for my lover.  
  
"Well, I certainly mean it this year and I am going to kick your ass double hard for saying all those things about Shuusaku. Besides, no one is beating me in anything except the title match." I say silent thanks that Su-yon and I will be giving the speech on stage later although I still have my misgivings over Kurata-san's ability to say anything polite with An Ten-son in the room. Well, at least Yang Hai-san will be there to wrest the mike away from him in case he starts saying anything embarrassing and I guess Tatsura can just not translate.  
  
Su-yon translates my teammate's words and Young-ha raises an eyebrow condescendingly. "You think so? Well, we'll see about that."  
  
I decide to give Su-yon a hand and translate for Hikaru; I have been taking Korean classes much longer than he has anyway and he only knows enough to get around. He doesn't speak much conversational Korean per se and I'd be ashamed not to after more than a year of twice a week classes.  
  
Hikaru is about to say something smug in reply when we are all distracted by some commotion up on stage. I bury my face in my hands as a repeat of last year's events happens where Yang Hai-san has to wrest the microphone away from Kurata-san before he can insult his Korean counterpart. Tatsura wisely keeps his mouth shut and does not translate whatever part of the affront Kurata-san had managed to get out. Then the MC calls for a speech by the team representatives and we walk up to the stage together. It seems that this year, all the second board players will be making the speech. We all say some very polite but meaningless rubbish and then the lots are drawn for the order of matches. One match will be played today and two tomorrow. The line-up turned out as follows:  
  
1st match: China-Korea 2nd match: Japan-Korea 3rd match: China-Japan  
  
We have one hour before the match between both our opponents begins and we decide that we are definitely watching the games. We move through the throng of people to the refreshments table to get ourselves a drink when suddenly, a familiar voice speaks from behind.  
  
"My, my; what a small world."  
  
All three of us spin around abruptly. Silence. Blink. Twice.  
  
"Aunt Kasumi!" Yashiro exclaims happily and steps forward to give the High Priestess of Inari a hug.  
  
She returns it calmly, but no less affectionately. "It would seem that some congratulations are in order," she tells us with a smile.  
  
I resolutely fight down the blush I feel rising in my cheeks. Hikaru does not seem bothered.  
  
"Thank you, Kasumi-sama" he replies graciously, with a slight bow.  
  
"You've met?" Yashiro asks incredulously.  
  
"Yes, but we had no idea she was your aunt," I answer.  
  
"Well, step-aunt actually, but the best one I have. The one and only family member I have that approves of my playing Go professionally," Yashiro declares with evident pride and joy. He is grateful for even the tiniest bit of family support seeing as he doesn't have any. I am happy for him; I truly am. He is a strong player and it is a pity that his family doesn't approve of his profession.  
  
"Kasumi-sama," greets a voice reverently from behind. Kuro Tatsura is on one knee even! Truly, she must be held in extremely high esteem.  
  
"Rise, Tatsura-kun; it is not a proper time for such gestures."  
  
He stands. I feel many pairs of eyes on us. Then she looks around at the crowd and it is only then that I realize the strength of her presence as all bow, incline their heads, or at least lower their gazes. There is a long moment of respectful and reverent silence.  
  
"Blessings be upon you. My Mistress Who Gives Life rewards those who show reverence," she says softly in her musical alto, her power evident and the very words hanging in the air. "Let all who worship be at peace."  
  
Those who know what should be said in response say so and those who don't simply bow some more, then business resumes as usual in the room. I infer that her words were heard in whatever language the listeners understood since most of the people in the room do not speak Japanese.  
  
"I had no idea you were here, Aunt Kasumi. Will you be staying to watch the matches?" Yashiro asks hopefully.  
  
"Nay, Yashiro. I must return soon. There is an energy imbalance in Japan that requires rectification and as such, my presence is required there. Darkness lingers at the borders of long-standing barriers and the balance of energies that holds the barriers is off. The barriers weaken; if something is not done and soon, bad things will begin to happen. I am here because there is a spiritual matter here that warrants my attention and then, I thought I'd drop by to see you while I was around."  
  
"Oh well, I don't understand a word of what you mean, but it is too bad. I wish you could see me win."  
  
"Do your best, Yashiro. The grace of the Gods is with all of you."  
  
"Aunt Kasumi, you have the gift of foresight; tell me, what do you see?" Yashiro enquires quietly.  
  
"That is not for you to know, my child. Do your best; the future is not yet set in stone."  
  
"But..."  
  
"Yashiro," Tatsura interrupts suddenly, a hint of warning in his voice.  
  
"Very well," he accepts disconsolately.  
  
"I wish you both happiness and all of you good fortune," she tells Hikaru and I. For some reason, when her eyes fall on me, they are somewhat troubled. "Now, I must be going."  
  
We all bow slightly and she turns and sweeps out of the room. For a long time, there is silence between us.  
  
Suddenly, Hikaru says brightly, "Well, she said that we could shape the future. That means that there is great hope, don't you think?"  
  
I smile at him. "Aa," I agree. "There is much hope and we will win this year."  
  
Yashiro nods determinedly and Tatsura simply smiles and slips an arm around Yashiro's waist in response. But still I wonder what it was she saw about me that bothered her.  
  
* * *  
  
"I told my mom about us, Aki."  
  
I turn to look at my lover, water cascading down our bodies as I stand with him in the shower. "Well?"  
  
"Well what?" he asks innocently, his soap-slick hands roaming seemingly aimlessly over my body.  
  
"Well, what did she say?" I clarify.  
  
"Well, let's just say she wasn't surprised. She was rather dismayed, though, at the prospect of never having grandchildren."  
  
"Sounds like my mother," I remark.  
  
"Well, yeah, they're mothers," he informs me as if it should be awfully obvious. "I told her we'd adopt someday."  
  
I raise an eyebrow as his hands wander ever lower. "Really. I don't recall you asking if I was interested."  
  
"Well, are you?" he asks, moving closer to kiss me on my neck.  
  
"Hm... Could I ever refuse you anything when you're doing this?"  
  
"That was the whole idea, koi." He moves his mouth to suck on my nipple instead and I let my hands slide down his body.  
  
"Hm... I guess I uh... don't really want to... say no then," I murmur as he continues to arouse me.  
  
"Thought so."  
  
"Mm... Let's get out of the water now," I suggest, reaching around to turn off the tap.  
  
"Let's just do it right here," he counters before I can reach it.  
  
"Right here?" I echo, pausing.  
  
"Uh-huh. I don't like wet sheets and I don't like waiting and I think you like it even less."  
  
"Um... Can I be on top tonight?" I ask tentatively.  
  
He looks up at me for a really long time and I am about to dismiss the suggestion when he grins widely suddenly. "Ooh, Aki-chan... Didn't know you had that in you..." he drawls seductively as he presses up against me.  
  
I smirk and lean in to kiss him. I realize suddenly that I know very little about this and I hesitate. He senses my hesitation and pulls back slightly.  
  
"You _are_ my first too, you know," he informs me.  
  
"I am?" How did he ever learn so much?  
  
"Of course you are, 'Kira. What, you thought I slept around or something?"  
  
"No! But you seem to know so much and I... well... Where _did_ you learn how to?"  
  
He grins like the cat that ate the canary and doesn't answer.  
  
"Hikaru..." I whine at him. Never thought I'd ever see the day when I'd find myself whining, but hey, life's about discoveries, right?  
  
"'Kira..." he mimics mischievously.  
  
"Oh, so now it's 'Kira?" I raise an eyebrow.  
  
"Aki... 'Kira... koi... whatever. You're you and you're mine," he declares, gesturing vaguely. The warm water is very therapeutic and very, very sexy running down his body.  
  
"Un. And mine," I tell him possessively, pressing closer.  
  
"You?"  
  
"No, you. And you still haven't told me where you learnt all this stuff."  
  
"Manga," he replies matter-of-factly.  
  
"You can't be serious."  
  
"I am," he tells me. "Very serious. Very, very, very serious." He nods sagely as if agreeing with himself.  
  
"I don't want to know," I decide.  
  
"Oh, so now you don't want to know. Just when I was about to let you in on some great voyeuristic material."  
  
"Hikaru?"  
  
"Yes, koi?"  
  
I press him down to the base of the bathtub by his shoulders. "Just shut up."  
  
* * *  
  
Hikaru is up before me today. I yawn and stretch sleepily; he looks up from the book of Shuusaku's kifu that he is reading while opening and closing his fan to smile at me. It must the whole idea of playing Young-ha today that has him all psyched up. From what we saw yesterday during the China- Korea game, our opponents have grown as well. Korea won 2-1. I drag myself up to cross over to where he is sitting. I haven't got any clothes on after what we did last night and he resolutely looks away. He is fully dressed and ready to go down for lunch and the matches today. I know that he isn't in the mood today, so I pull on a viridian kimono that I left draped over a chair yesterday and finish tying the sash before coming to place my hands tentatively on tense shoulders. He relaxes somewhat almost instantly at my touch and reaches up to lay his hand over mine after dropping the fan on his lap.  
  
"Does it have a special significance? The fan, I mean," I enquire of him quietly.  
  
"Sai," he answers easily. "He gave me a similar one in a dream."  
  
"Aa." There are no more mysteries, no more secrets... I still love him so damn much.  
  
"He was smiling, 'Kira..." he whispered. "I miss him."  
  
I remain silent as I begin massaging his shoulders.  
  
"I have to win today. As long as I'm alive, I won't let anyone look down on Sai. He exists in my Go, so I have to win."  
  
"I know, Hikaru, I know," I tell him. I'll win too... for you, for me... for us.  
  
"I want him to continue smiling."  
  
"He left on May the 5th?" I guess. I remember that he went to the Shuusaku memorial crying last year, the night he lost the last match of the first Hokuto Cup to Ko Young-ha. I went with him that night because... because I loved him even then, although I didn't realize it that time. We stayed there the whole night. I bought drinks and for a long time we just sat in silence. He didn't tell me why he was there and after knowing him for so long, I learned not to ask. I still remember that night so vividly in my mind. It was three in the morning and we were finally leaving the memorial. We stood at a taxi stand, waiting for a cab to show up when he just suddenly turned to me and said, "Thanks." I asked him what he was thanking me for and he replied, "For coming. I... It was nice, not being here alone." And I think that's when we actually started to become friends instead of just rivals. We still weren't close or friendly and knowing about Sai was still my first priority, but for once it wasn't just solely about Go. He went again with flowers on the last 5th of May, then again after becoming a Honinbou.  
  
"Yeah, I miss him a lot, Aki. He understood me, I guess, since he could hear my thoughts and all. At times, I feel lonely without him hanging around me whining like a puppy for me to play Go with him."  
  
I pause, then come around and lean over to brush my lips gently against his. I look into his eyes almost in desperation. "But you have me now," I say, searching his eyes.  
  
"Yes, 'Kira, I do." He smiles softly, the most beautiful of smiles.  
  
I find what I am looking for and suddenly, I feel my love for him overflowing in my heart and my chest feels like it's going to burst. I don't know why, but whenever I feel any particular emotion, I tend to feel it in extremes. Perhaps it's because I'm usually so indifferent to everything and I don't express myself much, so when I do, it tends to come out in a rush all at once.  
  
"I love you, Aki. Don't ever doubt that."  
  
I don't ever want to have to. I love you too damn much. Now that I know what I'm missing, I don't think I can live without you in my life, Hikaru. I hold his gaze with my own and try to convey everything I'm feeling with my eyes; these feelings, they're too powerful, too strong. I could never put them into words; they wouldn't be same. "I love you too. I don't doubt it, Hikaru, don't ever let me," I tell him simply.  
  
He closes the book and puts it with the fan on the table before pulling me close. I'm on my knees with my head resting against his chest. His arms are wrapped around me and it's very warm. I want to stay this way forever, with my arms around his waist in this wonderful silence. I know he does too. I know he understands. Above all, I know how much he loves me and that is all I really need. We remain that way for a really long time and then suddenly, I notice something amusing and begin chuckling.  
  
"What?" he asks, the atmosphere switching suddenly.  
  
"No, just that you're switching pet names around so often! 'Kira, Aki, 'Kira, Aki, Aki 'Kira..."  
  
"It's still you and you're still mine," he points out.  
  
I smile at that. "Un. Yours always," I tell him and settle back in comfortably.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
Team Korea is already there by the time we all come down for lunch. Ko Young-ha smirks at the sight of us; cocky bastard must think he's already beaten me even before the game begins. I'm going to wipe that smug look off his natural jerk face permanently. I sit down next to my lover and order a samgyetang (ginseng chicken soup) for lunch. Korean food isn't bad, though I still like home's ramen better. Besides, the Koreans don't make Japanese food very well, and Su-yon would probably agree that the Japanese don't make good Korean food either. Thus, it would generally be advisable to eat local. Of course, being a 5-star hotel would mean that the international cuisine isn't bad, but it still wouldn't beat home. Next to me, Aki orders the same while Yashiro and Tatsura opposite decide to share a bulgogi. I casually slip an arm around Aki's waist and he sidles closer. I resist the urge to kiss him or touch him where I know it will make him whimper in passion. Whenever he does that and his lips tremble slightly, I think that I've never seen anything sexier. To think that he thought we'd only do it once; I think I'm going to spend the next few nights making mad passionate love to him, my beautiful Aki. I quickly squish the thoughts before they can torment me as Su-yon comes over from the Korean side. Yashiro and Tatsura quickly take the excuse to sit closer to each other by making space for him on their side of the table. I roll my eyes at them; as if the joined sofa-like seats at our table weren't already conducive enough.  
  
"Hey, Shindou, uh..." he begins, a little nervously in Japanese as he sits down.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You know, about last year..."  
  
"Yeah?" I coax again.  
  
"I'm sick and tired of all this stupidity. I'm here to clear things up," he says, frustrated.  
  
"What's there to clear up?" It was pretty clear that everything I had been told was true. The 'natural' jerk said so himself.  
  
"Well, it's kind of complicated. Tatsura-san, can you translate for me? I think I can say everything in Japanese but I don't want to accidentally cause anymore misunderstandings."  
  
Tatsura nods and Su-yon starts rattling off in Korean. "Well, the first time was a total misunderstanding. Young-ha didn't say anything bad about Shuusaku. His words were just completely mistranslated. What he really said was that Japan was weak because people study Shuusaku and others of the past without understanding the essence of their play. Then, he said that if Japan is weak, then great players of the past like Shuusaku will be forgotten and that would be unfortunate. It was just a complete mistranslation."  
  
Okay, I'm still sceptical. "Well, what about the second time then? And you didn't say anything before or after the whole thing so..."  
  
"The second time, he said that on purpose."  
  
"Whatever the hell for?"  
  
At this point, Su-yon switches back to Japanese. "Because he's stupid like that sometimes!!" he replies, looking ready to tear out his hair in frustration.  
  
"Really. I thought he was stupid like that all the time," I remark dryly.  
  
My Korean friend wisely decides to ignore me and reverts back to his first language. "He wanted you to play your best against him, I guess. He sort of guessed you would insist on being first board just to play him, what with you being so angry over the whole thing and all, I guess, so he decided to stir things up further. He didn't really mean a word of all the horrid things he said about Shuusaku. He studies Shuusaku's games himself," Tatsura translates for me.  
  
"What, he thought I needed help playing my best for my team and country? I have plenty of motivation and inspiration without his help, thank you very much."  
  
"I don't know. The point is he didn't really mean anything bad about Shuusaku. As for why I didn't explain sooner, it's because he wouldn't let me."  
  
"So why are you explaining now? Did he tell you to?"  
  
"No. In fact, he'd generally kill me if he found out that I told you before the game."  
  
"So why are you telling me all this now?"  
  
"Because he's being an immature idiot and I don't like that!! I'm sick and tired of his idiocy!!" he grates out angrily in Japanese. All of a sudden, he looks really exhausted. "Besides, I don't want people to think that the Young-ha that I love and admire is that kind of person..." he continues in a soft, tired voice.  
  
I reach out and squeeze his hand with a grin. "Hey, don't worry. I'll still play my best. After all the trouble he went to, I guess it'd be bad to disappoint him, huh? Besides, I have plenty of other reasons to want to beat him flat." I tighten the arm around my lover briefly. "He is still a jerk, I still want to win, and I'll be damned if I let anyone beat the Honinbou in anything but the title match. As for the title match, I intend to be keeping this title for a long time to come," I declare smugly before turning to Aki. "And you, koi, if I don't win the Meijin title soon, you'd better win it," I tell him firmly.  
  
He rolls his eyes. "What, you think I need to be told? I have plenty of motivation and inspiration without your help, thank you very much."  
  
Trust the sweet jerk to throw my own words back at me the first chance he gets. I poke him in the ribs and he jumps slightly, only to glare balefully at me. I look at the steaming bowl of soup in front of me and suddenly decide that I'm very hungry. I pick up my chopsticks and spoon and grin. "Well, now that everything's cleared up... Itadakimasu!" I say cheerfully and dig in.  
  
Aki and Su-yon just simultaneously shake their heads.  
  
* * *  
  
I nigiri silently where I sit opposite Ko Young-ha. He takes out a handful of stones and I place two down. Even. I win. Black. Aki's white and Yashiro's black. I will not allow a repeat of last year's defeat, I decide resolutely as I place my first stone on my upper left komoku as the buzzer sounds for us to begin the game and tap the match clock. I wonder if he already knows that Su-yon explained everything. In any case, I don't hate him anymore but I still don't like that cocksure jerk in front of me either. He responds to my move and taps his. The game progresses in silence. Ten minutes later, the fight has begun and I'm pondering my next move. If I attack the centre, he might be able to 'cut my head off' as Sai used to say, but if I manage to live, I would have already won the game. How about if I reinforce the left side and try to gain territory on the lower left corner? No, not quite enough and he won't make it easy. Perhaps I could try to trap him on the upper right? He's not quite thick there yet. But the centre... Some of white's stones are in pretty bad shapes down there... If I could exploit that... Suddenly, I catch sight of a rather inconspicuous intersection. I perpend the idea for a moment, reading ahead as far as I can. If I play there... If I carry on correctly and he plays where I expect him to... I might be able to separate white's stones on either side from each other and kill a fair number of stones. The vital point is how he plays the very next move; if he doesn't play the next move correctly, then the group I am going to make will definitely live and cause him no end of problems. Those stones... I want to tear them apart. I decide that I have only one stone to lose if he does see through the move in any case and I can always abandon the plan anyway. I place my stone on said intersection and tap my match clock, waiting in hopeful anticipation. I grip my fan tightly and watch anxiously as he reaches for a stone and his hand moves to the board. His two fingers hover with the stone above the board for a few painfully long moments before landing on an intersection not too faraway. I hide a smile of victory and relief. He's wrong. I place my next stone and tap my match clock. The end is in sight. This time, Ko Young-ha, I win.  
  
~Akira~  
  
I will not lose to Hon Su-yon. I will not lose to Hon Su-yon. I will not lose to... Oh, sod that. I won't lose to anybody. Well, it's not like I haven't already lost to Hikaru. But Hikaru's going to win this year, so I can't lose either. Losing is NOT an option. So I will not lose to Hon Su-yon. Also, this might be my last Hokuto Cup. I was looking forward to playing next year as well, but now... If I'm going to leave the Go world, then I will leave it in pride and victory. If I have to die, I will die in happiness and love. Hikaru will kiss me and smile for me till the very last moment. I will not let anyone take that away from me. They don't have the right. So I'll never lose. Not to Hon Su-yon, not to any opponent I will ever face. With that unyielding conviction, I place every single white stone on the board before me. With that unwavering certainty, I fight every battle to the very end. With that steadfast determination, I strive to claim every last moku on that polished wood-grained surface. I will never admit defeat till it is shoved in my face with a bludgeon wearing a nametag. I'll win this game for you, Hikaru. For me... For us. Because I love you. Because I love Go. Because I love life. Because I love us. So I won't let go. I won't give up till the bitter end. I won't let you down, Hikaru. So win, Hikaru, and step forward. No matter where we go, I'll always be with you. Our journey will never end. There is no end. We'll traverse this road together, climb every mountain, and cross every valley. Because no matter how far apart we go, our hearts will always stay together. That is our strength, the strength of our bond, of our love. And I have faith in that. I have faith in us. So I will hold on to that faith. As long as you are with me, I can overcome anything. *You* are my Hand of God, Hikaru, my one perfect move, the best and most perfect game I will ever play. And I love you, Hikaru. And I love you.  
  
* * *  
  
I stare at the finished game before me and hide a smile before slipping into the almost automatic movements of Seichi. I have won, I believe, by 2.5 moku. Su-yon looks distressed at the idea of losing. I meticulously move the stones into as perfect squares as I can make them; that is to say, very perfect indeed. I count my opponent's territory and reach the verdict the exact same time as the announcer. Yup, 2.5 moku. Su-yon looks dismayed. I thank him for the game and stand. I resolutely resist the urge to cross right over to my lover's table and go to look at Yashiro's game instead. He's losing. Quite a big difference too. I sigh mentally. Yashiro's a great player and all, yes, but he lacks Iruf-han's ruthlessness on the Goban. I had a great game with Su-yon, but I feel that I'm better suited against Iruf-han than Yashiro is. Perhaps I should have requested to be third board. Finally, I quietly pad over to where Hikaru still plays against Young-ha. It is yose. Hikaru's stones! That group in the middle of the board! How did that get there?! With black's large living group in the middle of the board, white has been efficiently separated. I watch as the older Korean wipes his hands with the towel provided; his hands are probably sweating now. I cannot see how the game was played. I look up and catch sight of the same stunned and confused look on Su-yon's face. I vow to have Hikaru replay the game for me. I want to know how he did that. That's why you're my eternal rival, Hikaru, that's why it had to be you. Kurata-san and An Ten-son come running in from the discussion room. The game is close despite the feat Hikaru has managed in the centre; Young-ha is a strong player and he has succeeded in catching up a great deal. The two players place their last stones with a resounding pachi and anxiously begin Seichi. The tension hangs thickly in the air as the two players move the stones with practiced efficiency. My father comes up from behind me and I turn to respectfully lower my head and embrace him. I give my mother a hug as well before turning back to the board. I heard that my father dropped by last year, but refrained from coming to see me. Perhaps both my parents are here watching this year because we have very little time left together. My father has even been reducing his travels in favour of being with me. I feel so blessed, really, to have all these wonderful people who care about me. I almost wish I learned to treasure all this earlier, especially Hikaru. Yashiro has finished his game and is now standing next to me with Tatsura. He lost by a full 6.5 moku. I still think he is ill suited against Iruf- han. The Korean's aggressive fighting and ruthless pursuit of victory is more reminiscent of my style. I look back at the board as the last squares are formed. Win this, Hikaru!! I grip the back of his chair so tightly that my knuckles turn white as Hikaru and Young-ha begin counting. Black 100 to white 92. With the komi, Hikaru wins by 1.5 moku! I feel tears of joy gather in my eyes as the win is officially announced. Hikaru slowly stands and I throw my arms around him, not caring if the whole world found out that we were gay and hopelessly in love. I bury my face in his shoulder and shed a few tears of joy. We won against Korea! Right now, I feel like I can do anything. We'll definitely beat China as well.  
  
My lover wraps his arms gently around me and murmurs softly in my ear. "Need I ask?"  
  
I giggle in spite of myself. "No," I answer, raising my head to look up at him from under long eyelashes.  
  
Hikaru looks up at Ko Young-ha as the 2-1 win is announced. My cocky brat smirks arrogantly. "Beat you this time," he tells his Korean opponent smugly.  
  
The other merely offers a fluid roll of his shoulders in response. "Pity it's my last year. I would have crushed you next time," he replies smoothly.  
  
Off to one side, I see Su-yon smack his forehead in exasperation as Tatsura translates for us.  
  
"Oh yeah?!" Hikaru challenges, rising to the bait instantly. "Su-yon! We're doing it again this year, right? I'm staying on a few days!"  
  
Su-yon sighs expressively. "Yes. Yes, we are. I'll give you an address later."  
  
My lover turns back to Young-ha. "Wanna bet you can beat me?! You come along and we'll see who crushes who!"  
  
Tatsura translates and the older Korean just shrugs languidly. "I'll see if I have nothing better to do."  
  
"YOUNG-HA!!! Stop being an immature jerk!!" Su-yon screeches suddenly.  
  
Everyone within earshot stops. Stares. Blinks. Quite a number of times, in fact. Even Young-ha is taken aback. Su-yon said that here at that volume in Korean. Tatsura translates both lines for Hikaru and Yashiro and my teammates have to keep from laughing despite the shock. Hell, even Kurata- san is astonished into silence. I look from Su-yon to Young-ha and back. Both Iruf-han and An Ten-son look like they each swallowed a fish and it moved.  
  
"I can't stand it when you're being like this!!" Su-yon continues, only slightly softer than the last.  
  
"How can you stand him at all? He's always like this," Hikaru remarks dryly.  
  
I nudge my lover meaningfully and Su-yon either wisely decides to pretend not to hear or is too busy being furious at his lover to notice. People begin to get back to whatever it was they were doing before his initial outburst, deciding that the quarrel was absolutely none of their business, being off the Goban and all.  
  
Suddenly, Su-yon looks positively exhausted. I almost pity him. "Look, I don't care anymore alright? I just don't care anymore! Be that way! From now on, I'll just mind my own business!!" he throws over his sagging shoulders as he walks tiredly away.  
  
"Su-yon..." Young-ha begins.  
  
"I'm not talking to you!!" the other calls back angrily without even turning before he disappears out of the ballroom.  
  
Young-ha turns to look first back at us, then at the ballroom entrance, probably debating whether or not to follow his lover. Finally, he decides that pride isn't quite worth it and turns to walk briskly out after Su-yon.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hikaru."  
  
My lover turns to face me, face a mask of determination. He nods. "Let's go."  
  
I turn the doorknob and exit our room, leading the way down the corridor. Yashiro is waiting with Tatsura a little way away and they join us as we walk towards the elevators. We enter the elevator and push the appropriate button. The tension is thick in the air. Last year, we were dead last. It won't happen again. This year, we want to be first. There was a three-hour break between the matches. We spent some time taking turns playing ten- second-per-hand speed Go in Yashiro and Tatsura's room before retiring to take a break in our own rooms. Apparently, while being Ochi's level normally, Tatsura can actually beat Yashiro at speed Go. His intuition is better than his strategising. I find it interesting that he can actually play better when he doesn't think. It's almost amusing. The ding of the elevator snaps my train of thought. We walk out, tenacity in our every step, this time with Hikaru leading the way. We enter the ballroom together and Tatsura then takes his leave to run up to where the MC and the organizers are. I spot Young-ha and Iruf-han off to one side, but Su-yon is nowhere to be seen. He's probably on strike in the room, still mad at Young-ha. Hikaru slips an arm around my waist, his other hand holding his fan. I inch closer to his side. The people who notice don't comment while Yashiro just looks absently off to where Tatsura is standing, lost in conversation with the organizers. Suddenly, someone taps me on the shoulder and Hikaru turns with me.  
  
"Su-yon," I acknowledge.  
  
"Shh..." the black-haired boy silences me, spying over my shoulder to where Young-ha and Iruf-han are. "Phew... They haven't noticed," he says with relief.  
  
"Even Iruf-han?" Hikaru questions curiously.  
  
"Iruf-han's on Young-ha's side. He came to talk to me just now and he just went on and on about how I should just give Young-ha a break, so I chased him out saying that Young-ha should give me a break," Su-yon replies, arms crossed over his chest in obvious annoyance. "He just doesn't understand. Anyway, it doesn't matter."  
  
"Right. I thought you would have locked yourself up in the room, double- bolted and latched the door so that Young-ha couldn't use his card-key, and positively refused to come out or see anyone," I tell him.  
  
He smiles ruefully. "That's what I did."  
  
"So why are you here now? What made you decide to come out?" my lover asks.  
  
"My love for Go," the young Korean replies with a sheepish grin. "I wanted to watch the Japan-China match. Good luck, guys; I hope you win."  
  
"What about Young-ha?" Hikaru enquires.  
  
"What about him?"  
  
"Are you going to reconcile with that 'natural' jerk anytime soon?"  
  
At that, Su-yon sighs heavily. "I don't think so." He looks off absently in Young-ha's direction. "I'm exhausted; I really am. I think we need some time off from each other. I can't stand it anymore." He slides his eyes shut wearily.  
  
"It isn't just the whole business with Shuusaku and me, right?"  
  
Our friend looks up in mild surprise.  
  
I smile to myself. Hikaru can be rather perceptive at times. At other times... he's just dense.  
  
"No, it's a lot more than that. We've been having some problems lately." Su- yon massages his temples tiredly. "Our parents found out and stuff. His parents don't care either way, maybe because he's the third of four sons... I don't know. They also most probably support his playing Go professionally because he is now financially independent. But my parents don't quite approve of the relationship. They don't mind me playing Go for a living but I'm the only son and well, they want the lineage continued and stuff like that. He knows and he's just adopting this lackadaisical attitude about everything, changing the subject when I bring it up and all. It's like I shouldn't care about everything else and that's just not possible. I don't know how he can expect me not to care when it's all about the people I care about and even if he couldn't help, he could at least be supportive, which he isn't. He's the reason I'm going through all of this shit anyway."  
  
Hikaru and I exchange glances. We didn't know it was that bad. I suddenly feel a newfound respect for them, especially Su-yon, for being able to concentrate and play such strong Go despite the weight of so many problems on his mind.  
  
"These days it's like it's just all about Go and sex between us," the black- haired boy continues. "Not that I mind either for what it's worth; it's never unpleasant, but it's just that the closer and more intimate we get physically, the further away I feel from him emotionally and I... I just can't take much more of this," he finishes miserably.  
  
Hikaru releases me and steps forward to give the young Korean a hug. He doesn't resist, instead wearily dropping his head on to my lover's shoulder. I feel a pang of jealousy grip my heart and resolutely fight it down. But then, Hikaru meets my gaze as he pats a trembling Su-yon comfortingly on the back and it just disappears entirely. There is only sympathy and kind understanding in his eyes. It is nothing like the way he looks at me. I remember this morning and I understand. I am just being silly with my possessive jealousy. I know best that he doesn't feel about anyone else the way he feels for me. I smile softly at him and he returns the gesture before releasing the other boy. I notice a little moisture on my lover's shoulder as Su-yon rubs his eyes. He cried. I sigh. It must be really hard on him.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbles with a crooked smile.  
  
"Nah... No sweat. It'll dry. Don't worry about it," Hikaru replies reassuringly with a sunny smile.  
  
Su-yon smiles gratefully. "Thanks." He sighs. "Young-ha knows. I've told him before that I hate it when he's being an immature jerk and he just keeps doing that. Just now was like the last straw for me with everything else and all, you know."  
  
I nod understandingly.  
  
Hikaru chuckles. "You know, Su-yon, I actually think you're going to have to let him off the hook for that."  
  
We both raise an eyebrow. Shindou Hikaru? Putting in good words for Ko Young-ha? This must be an impostor. Either that, or he's finally lost it. And I quote a book I read once: Miso beans have finally turned to paste.  
  
My lover laughs some more. "You see, I don't think he means to be a jerk. He can't help it; it's in his genes or something. He's a 'natural' jerk. See, he didn't become one; he always was one." He dissolves into near- hysterical laughter.  
  
Su-yon just offers him a withering look in response.  
  
I decide to chance a question. "You still love him then?"  
  
Hikaru Looks at me like it should be obvious, but there is something I want to know. I meet the Korean's gaze searchingly.  
  
He doesn't even falter, either in gaze of in voice as he answers me. "Of course I do. I always have and I always will," he tells me, eyes bright. "There never was another for me and I doubt there ever will be. It's just..." He sighs. "I just don't know anymore... I just don't know."  
  
I find what I am looking for in his eyes. It is the same, really, a reflection of how I feel about Hikaru. It isn't just the words; the look in his deep black eyes when he said that was exactly the same one I had when I was in Hikaru's arms this morning. And I understand. I reach out and squeeze his arm comfortingly. "I know what you mean, Su-yon. I know what you mean," I tell him softly. If Hikaru one day stopped caring about me, I know I would be just as lost. I pray that never happens. And then I turn to look Hikaru in the eyes and I realize with amazing conviction that it will never happen. I smile at him again and he smiles back. I really don't want to die. I've got so much to lose now, too much, and I don't want to let him go. Hikaru...  
  
"Aki, quit giving everyone that Touya-stare of yours," he tells me, exasperated. We decided to drop the pretences, since after yesterday and today's display, everyone likely already knew.  
  
"What Touya-stare?" I ask, raising my voice slightly.  
  
"You know, the one that looks like this." He launches into an extremely over exaggerated imitation of my supposed expression and I'm not sure if I should be livid or amused.  
  
I feel my eye twitch as fury takes over. "I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT."  
  
"Yes, you do. And you've been doing that to –like- everyone lately," he ripostes.  
  
"I do not!!"  
  
"Do to!!" He sticks his tongue out at me in a startling display of immaturity.  
  
"DO NOT!!"  
  
"DO TO!!!"  
  
"DO NOT! DO NOT!! DO NOT!!!" I yell at about a hundred and seventy decibels.  
  
"DO TO!! DO TO!! DO TO!!!" Hikaru shouts back at about the same volume. Right about now, nearly everyone in the ballroom is staring at us.  
  
I note the amused look on Su-yon's face as he leans in to ask Yashiro, "Uh... Are these two for real?"  
  
"Trust me, you haven't seen the worst of it. And yes, it's for real. They do this all the time," the Kansai boy replies, already blasé with regards to our rather volatile interactions.  
  
"Excuse me, but will Team Japan and Team China please come forward now. The match is about to begin," Tatsura translates smoothly for the MC.  
  
Hikaru and I stop short in the middle of our argument. We exchange glances with Yashiro. Su-yon wishes us a final 'good luck' and we turn together and make our way to the front, all quarrels forgotten. Today, we end this battle and we will emerge the victors.  
  
A/N: Kuro Tatsura is an original character. He practices reiki and stuff  
like that, so he really holds High Priestess Kasumi in very high esteem.  
In case you're wondering about her reappearance, Toukou Kasumi is the  
most important OC in this fic and she has one more crucial part to play,  
so I'm trying to develop her a little bit more. Tatsura will be sticking  
around for a while more too, so I hope you like both of them. Thank you  
all for being so patient! I loved receiving all your reviews; they're  
what really makes all the effort of writing worthwhile. May I request  
more? ^.^ 


	11. Waning Starlight

Chapter 10: Waning Starlight  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
I sit opposite my opponent for today. Apparently, Wang Shi Chen really wanted to play Aki since he beat Lu Lee last year, so Team China made a last minute switch. Needless to say, not everyone is happy about the idea. The organizers and the public are calling it a lack of sportsmanship because Wang is rather obviously stronger than Chang, but who cares what the world says anyway? Well, anyway, Chang Li Zhe 4-dan is quite a pretty boy, albeit no match for my Aki in that respect. He has black hair and black eyes like most of his countrymen and is one year my junior. Next year will be my last year and his second-last, that is, if he makes it here next year. His long black hair has red, orange and yellow highlights, and his four-coloured braid paints a really interesting picture. His fringe is plain black though, as are his sideburns and I wonder absently which one of his teammates he's with. Okay, so maybe not all guys are gay but still, that seems to be the trend around here. So still I wonder...  
  
We nigiri in silence. He wins black. So Aki's black and Yashiro's white now. The buzzer sounds and I tap my match clock, waiting patiently for him to begin. I will not underestimate my opponent today even if he is weaker than Wang Shi Chen. He lifts a black stone and his hand hovers over the board for a few moments, then he simply drops the stone. It lands on the board and bounces once before landing again and he adjusts its position on the intersection it lands on. 7-9. Everyone, the organizers and the general public are shocked, I note, as my opponent taps his match clock. Everyone looks at me. No one is sure if that was against the rules, since no one has ever done that before, so if I choose to complain, I guess they will declare it a disqualification. I see. Luck. Well, if he wants to play that way, I don't see why we can't make this game a little more interesting, Hokuto Cup or no Hokuto Cup.  
  
I reach for a stone, take it, and flip it like a coin on to the board. 15- 8. I adjust the position before looking up at him with a grin. He answers my grin with one of his own and holds up five fingers. Right. Five hands based solely on luck. After that, it's skill that counts. Let's see whose luck is better and who can salvage games better. I incline my head agreeably. Life just gets spicier and juicier by the day. He tosses again. 11-5. I almost pity the Goban and stones. 13-7. 5-16. 10-8. 9-12. 4-6. 14- 5. 3-15. Then, he does a hoshi on my lower right and I do a komoku on my upper left. He does a hoshi on my lower left and I respond with a komoku on my upper right. He moves in to attack my upper left corner and I respond by attacking his hoshi on my lower right. Now, let's see how chuban goes.  
  
Evidently, either my luck is much better than his or my coin-flipping skills apply to flipping Go stones as well. My stones are in much better positions than his are. He has a more widespread influence, but they are separated and some of my stones are wedged pretty neatly between them. It's hard for him to connect and easy for me to separate. Aki would be appalled at what we just did; he holds the Goban and Go stones in higher esteem than almost everything else. That's why I said he reminds me of Sai sometimes. They're both pureblooded Go freaks. Li Zhe responds to my attack on his corner. His corner is the only corner that is free from the stones we dropped and is thus the only one suited for the usage of joseki since there are no interfering stones. I begin one of Shuusaku's –or rather, Sai's, depending on the perspective- less famous but very effective ones.  
  
About halfway through the sequence, I feel some strange force guiding my hand towards an intersection that isn't part of the original set of moves. Billowing robes... Long wisteria-scented hair... I am so stunned that I actually drop the stone in my fingers back into the tsubo and look up sharply. I crane my neck searching for that memorable, coy knowing smile, for soft long purple hair, for that familiar presence I felt just moments ago, but I cannot find my whiny, Go-obsessed ghost anywhere. I look back at the board. My opponent is staring at me. Sai. I can almost see his fan tapping on the intersection the way it used to when he played with me. Is that where I should go, Sai? Is that what you're trying to tell me? I remember Sai telling me after his game with Aki's father that he had gotten stronger, that he had grown. Is this an improvement to the original joseki, Sai?  
  
I place my stone on the new intersection and watch as my opponent's eyes widen at the deviation. He moves to respond, but hesitates. He is not sure how to respond to this new move. I find my gaze inevitably drawn to a nearby intersection. Is this where you would play against your own move, Sai? Is that the vital point? Li Zhe perpends it for some time and eventually deviates from the joseki as well. Too bad he's wrong though. I immediately play on the vital point and we continue playing. Li Zhe looks distressed. He realizes the improvisation now and how much extra territory it has gained me. I can almost see Sai smiling happily behind his fan, crying tears of happiness just for being able to play Go again. A great game of Go always was like a glimpse of heaven for him. Sai...  
  
I have this corner now, thanks to the improvement Sai saw fit to inspire me on. I know for sure now with supreme conviction that I'm never alone. Sai will always be here. As long as I keep on playing, as long as I keep on walking the path to the Hand of God, he will always be with me. And now, I have Aki too. I don't know... Maybe he is my Hand of God. What do you think, Sai? Will you ever find yours? But I'll keep on walking, keep on searching for the perfect move. I grip my fan tightly. Aki will walk with me, you will walk with me. I'm never alone on this road. And right now, my first step is to win this game. I don't want you to stop smiling, Sai, and I don't ever want Aki to stop smiling either. I love him so much. With that in mind, I respond to Li Zhe's move. We are expanding into the centre and he is trying very hard to make up for the loss in the corner. We both try to connect our stones but his connection is inevitably in the way of mine and I'm only too happy for the extra excuse to cut his. Japan's going to be first this year, just you watch.  
  
~Akira~  
  
Damn, I'm short I think. Half a moku, maybe a bit more. Wang Shi Chen has gotten so much stronger over the last year. Naturally, his yose techniques are flawless. We finish the game and I anxiously proceed almost automatically with Seichi. I move the stones almost mechanically into squares and rectangles disconsolately. Then, I feel hands on my shoulders. From the tentative way in which the touch is placed, I am certain that it is my lover. I sigh as the verdict is announced. Half a moku exactly. Hikaru is going to be so disappointed. I know he wanted me to win. No, it's me really. I wanted to win this game so badly. I'm disappointed in myself. I stand and turn, expecting a slight frown and disappointed eyes in that ever-cheerful sunny smiling face, but when I look up, there is only a soft carefree smile curving his lips and a kind loving warmth in his murky green eyes. I step forward into his arms and let my head rest on his shoulder.  
  
"Need I ask?"  
  
"No," he answers gently. "3.5 moku."  
  
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "It was just one more moku. I'm sorry I couldn't..."  
  
"Shh..." he silences me, wrapping his arms more tightly around me and pulling me closer to him. "It's alright. You don't have to apologise, stupid. I know you tried your best."  
  
In spite of myself, I almost automatically snap back, "I'm not stupid."  
  
He pulls me away slightly to grin at my scowling face. "Yes, Aki-dear, you are."  
  
"Am not." I stick out my tongue at him. That felt so wonderfully immature.  
  
His grin only widens as he messes my hair up a little. "Are to."  
  
"Am not!" I raise my voice slightly.  
  
"Are to!" He raises his voice slightly.  
  
"Am not!!"  
  
"Are to, but I still love you. Now, go check out Yashiro's game for me. I've got someone to rescue," he says, looking over to where the rest of Team China is standing.  
  
I pout and give him a dark look, but don't reply as he saunters off to where our opponents are. Instead, I make my way over to where Yashiro still plays with Chao Shii. Well, well, well... It seems like Yashiro's leading by 2.5 moku. They're in yose now. I smile to myself. Looks like we get to be first after all. We've won, Hikaru, we've won it together! I feel tears of joy springing to my eyes. I look up to where the Hokuto Cup is standing. It's ours this year, Hikaru! It's ours this year! We finally did it, Hikaru. Finally, we did it.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
I look back to see my lover gazing happily at the Hokuto Cup with tears of joy in his eyes and I know that Yashiro's won. We're first this year!! I feel a burst of elation wash over me as I finally arrive at where Yang Hai- san is probably busy biting Li Zhe's head off over the whole lucky five hands issue, seeing as how he is yelling at pretty four-toned-haired boy and all.  
  
"Yang Hai-san, what's all the screaming about?" I ask innocently.  
  
"You! How could you go along with him?" he bellows the question in Japanese.  
  
"It was such an interesting game."  
  
"What if he starts doing stuff like this at other tournaments? Not all his opponents are crazy gay Japanese kids, you know."  
  
"Oh, I'm pretty sure he knows the type to try that sort of thing with. Don't you, Li Zhe?"  
  
The Chinese kid grins gratefully and nods.  
  
"See? Bet he looked at me once and knew I liked spicing up games."  
  
Li Zhe nods encouragingly again.  
  
"Well, I don't ever want you to do that again, crazy opponent or no crazy opponent. Do you understand me, Li Zhe?!" Yang Hai tells him imperiously.  
  
The Chinese boy just grins sheepishly and nods.  
  
"Good."  
  
"Yang Hai-san, you mind if I borrow him a minute?" I drag my recent opponent off without waiting for the team manager's reply.  
  
"Thanks a tonne for saving me from Yang Hai-san. He was so going to kill me," Li Zhe says in slightly accented Japanese, scratching his head and chuckling nervously with a sheepish grin on his rather heart-shaped face.  
  
He looks so cute, but I still think Aki's cuter. My lover would be proud. I am so loyal to him. "You do realize that it's only temporary; he still has the entire night and journey home to attempt murdering you," I inform him.  
  
The look of dread that passes briefly over his face would have done a horror movie director proud. "Well, at least I have a few more hours to live then," he says brightly. "He could have killed me right there and then just now if you hadn't come by to rescue me." He laughs.  
  
"Optimism. That's good. Say, I was just wondering, are you taken?"  
  
At this, he blushes. "Ah... Yes."  
  
"Don't get me wrong; so am I, but I was just curious... Uh... Who's your... lover?" I decide not to assume that he's gay and stick to a more unisexual term.  
  
He blushes even redder. "Uh... I... Well... He's still playing." He averts his gaze nervously.  
  
I glance to where the game tables are. Yashiro and Chao Shii are still at it. "Chao Shii?"  
  
The four-toned-haired boy nods, still looking away.  
  
I giggle softly. "Well, well... Who would have thought? Cradle snatcher."  
  
"I... He's sixteen!" Li Zhe protests defensively. "I'm sixteen! What's wrong with that?"  
  
"Nothing. I was just teasing you." I laugh. "You didn't have to get all defensive. I'm just a year older. You two make a really cute pair."  
  
Li Zhe goes as red as a ripe strawberry. "I... Well..." He's at a loss for words.  
  
I grin. "If you take everything I say seriously, you'd go crazy before you know it."  
  
He laughs at that. "You sound like me. Other people are just so serious all the time!" he complains. "I learned to take almost everything people say seriously because there are too few people like us."  
  
I chuckle at that. "I know! You know, I think we'll make great friends. I just sort of knew it when I looked at you. You just seem the type I'd like to hang out with," I enthuse cheerfully with a sunny smile. "Interesting."  
  
"Yeah!" he gushes. "Let's!!" He holds out his hand.  
  
I take it in my own and give it a hard shake and squeeze.  
  
"Ow!!" he yelps in pain, before glaring at me balefully.  
  
Just then, the verdict of Yashiro's game is announced. He won by 2.5 moku! The 2-1 win is declared and Japan is proclaimed winner of the Hokuto Cup. I grin at Li Zhe's defeated look and we both go over to the game table. Chao Shii steps into Li Zhe's comforting embrace and I congratulate an ecstatic Yashiro. I know how important winning this tournament is to him. If it was something international, it could finally mean something to his parents. They probably won't accept his relationship with Tatsura when they find out either, no matter how much they presently like Tatsura for his religious affiliations and international work as an interpreter. They don't approve of his other job, but they think he's a nice enough youth and a very independent and responsible person apparently. In any case, where Tatsura is concerned, Yashiro has decided that he doesn't care if his parents don't approve. If they object, he'll just move in with Tatsura since he's already financially independent.  
  
Done congratulating Yashiro, I turn to my waiting lover, my beautiful Aki. He nearly jumps into my arms and throws his arms around me happily. I know he really wanted to win this with me. I wanted to win this with him too. My precious Aki... He looks so full of life, overjoyed and loving. Is he really going to die? I vehemently push away the depressing thoughts. This is supposed to be a joyous event, a cause for celebration. I shouldn't be thinking about that. I've been making sure he takes his medication, reminding him when he forgets and stuff, but even the doctor says the surgery is tough. What if...? I shove the thoughts away again, concentrating instead on holding him close. I love him so much, my beloved Akira.  
  
"I love you," I whisper to him. "Touya Akira. My rival, my lover, my sweet, sweet jerk."  
  
"You'd better," he tells me in a soft but imperious voice.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I..." His voice falters. "I..."  
  
I understand. He's thinking about it too. "I know. Shh... And I do love you. Always," I whisper back to him.  
  
He pulls away, smiling as Tatsura comes to give Yashiro a congratulatory peck on the cheek before running up to join the organizers and the MC on stage for the closing ceremony. I notice Li Zhe and a very miserable Chao Shii still standing nearby and decide to try being nice.  
  
"There's always next year, you know," I tell them.  
  
Li Zhe translates for Chao Shii as Yashiro snorts. "Easy enough for you to say. You got to skip the qualifiers! At least last year, there were two places free. This year, you two got your places by default due to track record and title and everyone else had to fight an all-out desperate battle to get that final place. It wasn't easy, you know," he informs Aki and I irritably.  
  
Chao Shii didn't get a word of what Yashiro said and Li Zhe is too busy chortling away to translate, so he just nods in response to my earlier statement and cheers up slightly. Seeing his lover's expression brighten a little, Li Zhe decides that it was better left unsaid anyway and Aki concludes that he shouldn't interfere.  
  
Suddenly, someone taps my shoulder and I turn. Su-yon. He smiles wanly. "Congratulations."  
  
"Thank you. Are you staying for the ceremony?" I ask him, curious as to how desperate he is to avoid Young-ha.  
  
"No. I've spoken to the organizers about it, saying I wasn't feeling very well. They reluctantly allowed me to go home."  
  
Okay, very desperate. "Now? You're really going home now?"  
  
"Yeah," he replies tiredly. Either his acting's really great or he really is physically unwell, since he looks so convincing at it. "Here." He hands me a piece of paper. Is tomorrow at three okay? Just show the taxi-driver this address. It's a popular area; there's no way he won't know it."  
  
I nod. "Three is fine. You should go before you're spotted. The ceremony is starting."  
  
He nods. "Bye. See you tomorrow then."  
  
"Bye."  
  
I watch as he disappears into the crowd and then turn to look at Young-ha and Iruf-han at the other side of the room, still oblivious to Su-yon's presence here. The ceremony begins with some speeches, then we all go up on stage to receive the prizes and take pictures with a mock cheque and the other teams. Team Korea isn't happy about not winning. They're probably even less happy about Su-yon's absence. The 'natural' jerk looks mildly distressed even. Team China looks utterly miserable about being dead last, but I think Aki's smile is more than worth it. It's beautiful. To think that soon, I might not be able to see it anymore. I love that dazzling smile, I love those jewelled eyes, I love everything that is Touya Akira. That's why I won't let you go, Aki, ever. I won't let you go.  
  
~Akira~  
  
I am overjoyed. No, that's an understatement. I'm euphoric, ecstatic, elated, over the moon... You name it. We won the Hokuto Cup together! Just like we said we would. I smile at my lover; he looks so happy too. I want him to be happy always, whether or not I'm here, but I think that's kinda hard if he loves me so much. So I won't die; I won't ever leave you, Hikaru.  
  
It's quite late at night after the celebrations and we are all walking back to our rooms on the sixteenth floor. Apparently, all the participants are staying on the same floor, since Team China is behind us. They don't look too happy about losing, but well, we weren't too happy last year either and that's the way it is. Kurata-san is busy trying to annoy the hell out of Yang Hai-san and Ten-son-san again. No, sod that. He doesn't have to try; Kurata-san *is* annoying. The only part of Team Korea that stayed to celebrate was the manager. I wonder where the other two have gone. The others go into their rooms, saying 'goodnight' and a last 'congratulations'. Soon, only Tatsura, Yashiro, Hikaru and I are left, since our rooms are among the furthest down the corridor.  
  
Suddenly, I hear the sound of staggering footsteps behind us and I turn to locate the source of the sound. I turn with the rest to find Iruf-han helping a very drunk Young-ha back to his room. He reeks of sake, or soju, as the Koreans call it and I wonder absently how much he drank during the time we were celebrating. Iruf-han looks up at us briefly, before returning his concentration to the task at hand. I almost pity Young-ha. Almost. I guess he really does love Su-yon a lot. They're just not communicating correctly, that's all. I turn to mind my own business and head back to the room, but Hikaru suddenly pushes past me and walks determinedly towards them.  
  
"Tatsura-san," he says as he walks past, indicating that he should come along to translate.  
  
The older boy follows my lover wordlessly and I tag along. Iruf-han reaches his room door but pauses in the process of opening it as he notices Hikaru's approach.  
  
"What do you want now?" Tatsura translates Iruf-han's virtually hostile words for Hikaru.  
  
I notice Hikaru's eyes flicker briefly towards a very drunk Young-ha who is mumbling incoherently in Korean. "Here." He shows Iruf-han a piece of paper with some neat black hangyul on it. "If he wants to see him, we're meeting Su-yon here tomorrow."  
  
At this, the redhead cracks open an eye. "Su-yon?" he repeats, his words slurred. "Where?" He points at Hikaru. "You're not Su-yon." He laughs mirthlessly, almost in bitterness, I think. "He's gone... Su-yon's gone." He laughs that same bitter laugh again as Tatsura translates for Iruf-han. "He's ill, they said. He lied, I know." He continues to laugh bitterly. "You." He points at Hikaru. "You made him go away... it's your fault he left."  
  
At this point, Tatsura decides he's had enough of Young-ha's drunken ramble and points his finger at a point on the side of the laughing redhead's neck. There is a slight movement of air and then the older Korean slumps to the floor. Iruf-han looks suspiciously at Tatsura. "He's asleep, that's all," the Shougi player tells him reassuringly in Korean. "Ki."  
  
The Korean checks his friend just in case, then nods and takes a last look at the paper, most likely committing the place to memory.  
  
"Give me his cell-phone number in case Su-yon switches last minute. He's pretty desperate to avoid cocky bastard here. He has one, right?" Hikaru continues. I look curiously at my lover, wondering why he is helping the 'natural' jerk, as he calls the redhead.  
  
Tatsura translates for Iruf-han and the other nods. By now, Yashiro has joined us as well. Iruf-han takes the paper and scribbles some numbers on the other side of it. "Why are you doing this?" he asks as he hands the paper back to Hikaru.  
  
Tatsura translates for my boyfriend. His eyes flicker to the redhead's now sleeping figure. "Don't misunderstand. I don't give a damn what happens to this 'natural' jerk here, but I care about Su-yon. He's a friend and I want him to be happy. Can't say I agree with his taste in men, but that's his choice. Tell the jerk to be a bit late, so that we'll be inside the salon and Su-yon can't walk away so easily." Hikaru turns and walks away as Tatsura translates for the other.  
  
I look from Iruf-han to Young-ha to Hikaru's receding back. Yashiro looks questioningly at Tatsura, but his lover isn't being forthcoming. Iruf-han thoughtfully watches Hikaru go and finally turn right and open our room door before turning to carry an unconscious Young-ha into his room. I give the two Koreans one last look and bid Yashiro and Tatsura goodnight before hurrying after Hikaru as Tatsura starts helping Iruf-han carry the redhead in. I find the latch wedged between the door and the doorframe to keep the door open for me. I move it out of the way and let the door click shut. I double-bolt it, latch it, and step into the room. Hikaru's clothes are on the bed and there is light under the closed bathroom door. A moment later, the sound of running water reaches my ears. My lover is in the shower already. I smile and quickly strip off my clothes before joining him in the shower. I step into the cascade of water and wrap my arms around him. He turns and kisses me deeply.  
  
We finally break off and I ask him, "Are you sure it's alright to tell Young-ha?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"But Su-yon doesn't want to see him," I protest.  
  
He trails a hand down my spine. "Yes, he does."  
  
"What do you..."  
  
"See, Aki, you're socially impaired so you don't understand," he tells me with the kind of look a patient teacher has when explaining something to a very slow student. "Hm... Let's see... Okay, if I told you now that I never wanted to see you again, would you believe me?"  
  
I give him a Look. "No."  
  
"See? It's exactly the same thing. Su-yon's just saying it. He doesn't want to spend time away from Young-ha; he's just given up on the jerk right now. If he does and says the right things to Su-yon tomorrow, they'll get back together anyway."  
  
"But how can you be so sure?" I'm still sceptical.  
  
"Come on, you heard him too. Remember? He said he always loved and always will love the jerk." He gives me this are-you-stupid-or-what? look.  
  
At that, I recall the look in his eyes when he said the words this afternoon and imagine myself in his situation. "Yeah, I guess so," I admit. I wouldn't really mean it either, if I said that I needed time away from Hikaru. I grin at him. "Since when did you become the resident expert on this topic? I recall you saying that I was your first."  
  
"Definitely my first lover, but did I say first boyfriend?" he asks innocently.  
  
I narrow my eyes, which must have clouded over and I think my expression darkened. "Who was it?" I ask with a dangerous edge to my voice.  
  
"No one. I was just teasing you," he replies, laughing. "I so love it when you get all jealous and possessive like that. But even if you weren't my first boyfriend, does it matter? You're still my one and only right now."  
  
I blush. He's right; I sounded like an over-jealous and over-possessive wife. But well, if he likes it... "I guess not," I decide. "So where did you get your expertise?"  
  
He gives me that cat-that-ate-the-canary grin again.  
  
"Oh, no. You've got to be kidding me."  
  
He pulls me close against him and I feel myself hardening at the feel of his bare skin against mine. "Kidding you about what?" he questions nonchalantly.  
  
"You can't seriously have learned that from manga too."  
  
"What if I did?" He slides his right hand down my body to stop at my hips.  
  
"Did you really?" I let mine trail up and down his spine.  
  
He shivers slightly. "Yeah, some of it at least." His fingers dip lower and begin to lightly caress my inner thighs.  
  
I moan softly in pleasure. It was such a sweet, sweet pain whenever he touched me this way. "Don't. I really don't want to know."  
  
"Come on, Aki, don't be such a spoilt sport. You can learn a lot from some of them, you know," he coaxes, both with his words and with his hand that had now repositioned itself somewhere more sensitive.  
  
I hold on tighter to him as my knees turn to jelly. "It... It's okay... Sp- Spare me..." I tell him breathlessly.  
  
"Spare you from...? This?" He stops what he is doing.  
  
"No!" I move against him. "Don't stop," I plead softly.  
  
"Hm... You should try out Ai no Kusabi perhaps," he tells me, resuming his work where he had left off.  
  
"Wedge?"  
  
"Yeah, it's erotic. Like this." He does something with his fingers and I gasp.  
  
"Whatever. Watch it or read it with me some day. Right now, just... aah!" I cry out. Close, so close.  
  
"Just...?" he prompts.  
  
*So* close. "Shut up... aah!!" I almost screamed as the sweet pain engulfed me.  
  
"Well, whatever you say, koi," he says, claiming my lips again. His tongue flicks against my lips and I part them for him. He explores my mouth thoroughly and he slowly guides me down to the floor, hands trailing all over my body. I smile into the kiss. This will be the second time we'll be making love in the shower. We break off.  
  
"Hikaru?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"You're a perv," I tell him.  
  
"Only for you, Aki," he replies, voice husky and seductive. "Only for you."  
  
And I don't get an opportunity to reply.  
  
* * *  
  
Su-yon is leaning against a streetlight, waiting, when we get off the taxi at ten minutes to three in the afternoon somewhere near Nam Dae Mun, one of those huge wholesale market complexes that Seoul is famous for. The streets are crowded as always despite the biting cold. The young Korean player is wearing black corduroy pants and a knee-length black coat with a red scarf and red gloves. With a black beret-style cap over his hair and ears, he cuts a rather striking figure amidst the crowd. Hikaru is wearing his favourite midnight blue trench coat with a pair of navy blue jeans, a Prussian blue scarf, and high-cut Prussian blue sneakers. I picked to wear my birthday present from Hikaru with my favourite viridian trench coat and dark brown sneakers. It was so matching, just in different colours. Hikaru was being sarcastic this morning; he saw me take the sneakers out of my bag and he went, "Oh my God. Touya Akira wears sneakers. No, sod that. He even owns a pair of sneakers? Wow." I glare balefully at his back. He's just implying that I'm anal-retentive.  
  
"Yo, Su-yon!" Hikaru lets his gaze travel up and down his Korean friend's body in an appraising look. "Looking good today," he remarks. I'm jealous.  
  
The other rolls his eyes. "Thank you, but I don't need you to tell me that."  
  
My lover reaches out to pull me closer by the waist. "My Aki's still prettier though."  
  
I rest my head on his shoulder.  
  
"Can we go somewhere more private before you guys get on with it?" Su-yon asks, looking around at the crowd in hope that no one was staring.  
  
Hikaru nods and releases me. I think it suddenly struck him like it did me that we were probably making Su-yon envious with all our displays of affection. "Where are we going?" he asks. "I can't read hangyul."  
  
Our friend and tour-guide laughs. "It's just around the corner. Come, let's go." We all start walking briskly in the chilly winter air. "Traffic jams in Seoul start at four and are at their peak at around five. If we spend the time in the Salon and then go back late in the evening, we'll miss the jam," he explains the time of his choice.  
  
"Right," I agree. "Traffic here is really bad. When the jams are at their height, a twenty-minute-drive ends up taking more than an hour."  
  
He nods and we lapse into silence for a while.  
  
"Su-yon," Hikaru begins quietly.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I... Young-ha was drunk last night. Soju," he tells the other.  
  
For a long time, there is only silence as Su-yon looks the other way, avoiding our gazes. Finally... "He... doesn't drink soju. Beer, yes, but never soju," he says softly, clearly disturbed. "And he's never been drunk in the entire time that I've known him. That's at least three years."  
  
We don't answer and silence falls again. I exchange glances with Hikaru before returning my gaze to Su-yon. I take note of a nearby kiosk and telephone booth just before the Korean leads us up a flight of stairs into a neat and quiet Go Salon. He pays the entrance fees for three wordlessly before leading us off to an emptier side. He removes his coat to reveal a long-sleeved red sweater and sits down. I note his unusually clouded eyes. He's worried about the redhead, I think.  
  
"Can you wait? I'd like to play with Shindou first," he tells me.  
  
"Yeah, sure." I meet Hikaru's gaze and he nods slightly. "I think I'll go down and buy something for my pig here to chew on," I say teasingly.  
  
"I know that's not true, so I will not dignify it with a response," he tells Su-yon without looking at me.  
  
The other chuckles as my lover takes off his coat to reveal his long- sleeved yellow shirt, sits down opposite him and takes the cover off his tsubo. I smile and turn to leave as we planned earlier today. I walk back to the kiosk and quickly purchase some candy for cover before going into the phone booth and calling the number on the back of a piece of paper.  
  
"Hello. It's Akira. Are you coming?" I ask in Korean when the other picks up.  
  
"Hello. Where are you?" Ko Young-ha asks back.  
  
"I think the place is called Dae Nam, if my hangyul-reading is right."  
  
"I didn't realize how desperate he was to avoid me. That place costs twice the normal rate and I never go there," he mutters, half to himself. The redhead probably doesn't realize I heard everything. "Okay," he says, this time to me. He hangs up.  
  
"Okay," I echo thoughtfully. Does that mean he is coming or what?  
  
I wander back to the Salon and let myself in. The lady at the counter looks up briefly and knowing that I've already been in before, she returns to reading her magazine. I make my way to Hikaru's side; he's sitting facing the doorway, while Su-yon has his back to it. He looks up briefly from the game and I pass him the candy. He grins widely at the sight of the honeydew- flavoured bubblegum; honeydew's his favourite flavour. He looks me in the eye. I shrug slightly. He turns and offers some candy to his opponent. I know he got the message: I don't know if Young-ha is coming. The board before me shows the difference in the players' skill. Hikaru is considerably stronger than Su-yon. Su-yon ponders the situation calmly, sucking on a piece of tea candy.  
  
The bells hanging on the door jingle as the door opens. I turn to see a familiar figure walking in through the door. Young-ha is dressed in tan- coloured corduroys with a grey canvas jacket and a light brown scarf. The jacket has white cuffs, a white-trimmed hem and a white collar as well as a hood with white trimming. He leans over to converse quietly with the counter-lady, then walks over without paying the entrance fee. At that moment, Su-yon looks up at Hikaru.  
  
"You're so much stronger than the last time we played. I guess I should have known, since you beat Young-ha and he is stronger than I am. I resign. Thank you," he says, bowing his head in a display of game etiquette.  
  
"Thank you." My lover looks up. "Hey, Su-yon? I think someone's here to see you."  
  
Su-yon doesn't even have to look up; he just turns slightly to see his lover's hand and he knows who it is. He stands abruptly and turns to leave without even glancing back. Before he can even take two steps, however, Young-ha reaches out and pulls him back.  
  
"Su-yon."  
  
"Let me go," he orders in Korean.  
  
"No." Young-ha pulls Su-yon towards him.  
  
"Let me go! Stop it!" The shorter boy struggles, but the redhead has phenomenal strength for a Go player. "Let me go!"  
  
Young-ha grabs a frantically struggling Su-yon who is still screaming to be released and shakes him in his arms. "Stop it, Su-yon! Stop doing this!!"  
  
The younger boy just relaxes suddenly, as if exhausted. "Let me go..." he pleads softly, tears gathering in his eyes. Young-ha makes as if to gather Su-yon in his arms, but the other whispers, "Don't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Just don't. I don't want that. It's over, Young-ha. Just leave me alone." He doesn't even want to look at the redhead. He tries to leave again.  
  
I exchange glances with Hikaru, silently asking him if he was sure this is a good idea. He shrugs and indicates the older Korean, as if to say that it depends on him.  
  
"No, Su-yon. It isn't," Hikaru's 'natural' jerk insists, holding the other back.  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
"No, you still love me."  
  
At this, Su-yon looks up at the redhead. "Yes, Young-ha, I do. I always will, but that doesn't change anything." He tries to leave again, but Young-ha refuses to let go. He averts his gaze again.  
  
"This isn't about them." He indicates us. "What is it that I did, Su-yon?" The normally lazy lackadaisical expression has been replaced by one so unfamiliarly serious, it's amazing.  
  
Hikaru rolls his eyes. I give my lover a withering look.  
  
"If you don't already know, then it's useless. Forget it." He attempts leaving for the third time since he stopped struggling.  
  
"No. At least tell me what went wrong." Young-ha's usually confident voice is actually quivering even. I hope it works out, really. He truly doesn't want to lose Su-yon. They really do love each other and if Hikaru and I were in their situation now, I'd be terribly miserable.  
  
"I told you; if you don't already know what it is, then there's no point in my telling you." He makes another attempt to leave, but the redhead obviously isn't going let him walk away until he gets a satisfactory explanation. If you're going to play a daring hand, play it out till the end; there's no turning back.  
  
Hikaru moves his chair back a little and pulls me down on to his lap. I sit and lean back against him comfortably. He wraps his arms around me and his hand dips between my legs. "No," I protest quietly.  
  
"Why? We can do it softly, can't we?" he whispers back in question, a naughty grin on his face.  
  
"Not here! A Go Salon! You're a perv!" I hiss back.  
  
"Yes, I know. But only for you, 'Kira, only for you," he murmurs.  
  
"It doesn't have to have a point! Tell me what I did wrong, Su-yon!" the older Korean grates out harshly, shaking his lover hard and instantly grabbing my attention again.  
  
"No! It doesn't matter anymore! It was never going to work anyway!" Su-yon insists, raising his voice. Tears are already streaming down his face as he tries to leave –I don't know, for the fourth time?- again.  
  
Young-ha sighs at that. "Is that what this is about?" He pulls the other into an embrace. The younger Korean doesn't fight it; in fact, he practically collapses in the redhead's arms, sobs racking his body almost spasmodically. "It's your family, isn't it?"  
  
Su-yon shakes his head, no. "That's not it," he manages between tears.  
  
"Well, then what is it?" The jerk looks ready to tear his hair out in frustration.  
  
"You," his lover replies simply.  
  
"Yeah, I got that part. What about me?"  
  
Su-yon looks up at that. "Don't you ever get it?! You never understand, Young-ha, never! Just let me go, okay? It doesn't matter! Just leave me alone!"  
  
"Of course I don't understand! You never tell me anything!!"  
  
"That's 'cause telling you doesn't help!! Every time I try to tell you anything, you change the subject!!"  
  
"That's 'cause every time you tell me something, it's bad news and you get depressed!! I was trying to cheer you up and take your mind off things!! It's not like I can help you anyway!!"  
  
"You don't have to help me, Young-ha!! You're just supposed to listen!!"  
  
"I don't like it when you're depressed!!"  
  
"I don't like it when you're an immature jerk!! Do you care?!"  
  
"I'm not always one!! You're always depressed!!"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't be if you were any more supportive!!"  
  
"They sound like they're married," Hikaru tells me near my ear.  
  
"And we don't?" I ask him, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Nope. Just like we're parents."  
  
"What's the difference?" I enquire, this time genuinely curious.  
  
"Well, they only argue about each other. We argue about everything," he replies with a grin.  
  
I merely offer him a withering look in reply. Meanwhile, the Korean couple is still going at a hundred and seventy decibels.  
  
"If it was support you wanted, you could have just said something!!"  
  
"I'm not supposed to have to say anything!! If I had to tell you to, it wouldn't mean anything!!"  
  
"I'm not a mind-reader, Su-yon!! I don't always know what you want!!"  
  
"Well, you seem to do just fine on bed!!"  
  
I choke. Hikaru looks at me curiously. I translate. He chokes. I never imagined Su-yon would actually say that here at that volume. Indeed, Young- ha chokes as well.  
  
"That... That's different!!" he splutters.  
  
"Whatever! It's beside the point!!"  
  
"Well, what is the point?!"  
  
"The point is..." Su-yon stops suddenly.  
  
"What?" Young-ha asks, concerned.  
  
"I... I don't know."  
  
"What? Don't know what?" he asks, mystified.  
  
"The point, Young-ha! I don't know anymore!!"  
  
I burst out laughing before I can help myself.  
  
"What?" Hikaru questions.  
  
I translate for him and he starts laughing too. Su-yon blushes. Young-ha blinks in confusion.  
  
"Well... Well, anyway, you're supposed to listen and be supportive! It doesn't matter whether or not you can help!" Su-yon manages to say most of it without stammering.  
  
Young-ha just smirks. "Whatever you say." He pulls Su-yon close. This time, the shorter boy doesn't resist. He rests his head on the other's shoulder. Almost inaudibly, I hear the redhead whisper words 'I love you' in the other's ear before pulling back a little to kiss him.  
  
Su-yon slides his eyes shut and then someone clears her throat. They both suddenly remember where they are and Young-ha straightens as his lover jumps back. "I've just about tolerated as much as I can. Either shut up and play, or get out," the counter-lady orders imperiously.  
  
Young-ha looks appalled. Perhaps because most of Korean society still practises gender bias, the idea that a woman should speak to a man so rudely no matter the age difference is shocking. Of course, mothers, relatives, and the elderly are excluded from this norm when speaking to youths, but in this case, the lady is none of the three. The redhead looks quite ready to exercise his superiority, but Su-yon shakes his head and gives him a warning look. Finally, Young-ha just shrugs lazily, shoulders rolling fluidly as he pays his share of the entrance fee. The lady turns and makes her way back to the counter. For a long while, everyone is silent. Then...  
  
"Well, now that you've resolved your issues, shall we get back to the original reason we came here?" Hikaru asks from behind me. "You owe me a game," he informs Young-ha pointedly.  
  
Su-yon translates for his lover and the redhead's smirk widens. "Certainly. I'll crush you, of course, but then I guess you want to be crushed anyway," he replies, walking casually over to the chair.  
  
"Stop being a jerk," Su-yon commands, sitting down next to him as I translate for my lover. "I know he told you where to find me today."  
  
"Guilty as charged," I say, indicating Hikaru when the redhead doesn't answer.  
  
Hikaru ignores me, instead talking to Young-ha. "Well, how about some ten- second-per-hand-speed-pair-Go? I'll have Aki and Su-yon nigiri."  
  
Su-yon translates and Young-ha simply shrugs carelessly. "If you like."  
  
I translate for Hikaru as I take my place beside him. Su-yon nods and we nigiri. I win black. Hikaru's white today. Young-ha requests two match clocks. The lady brings them and we begin. Japanese couple versus Korean couple. It sounds like an international tournament, despite how unofficial everything is. Well, I think as I place my first stone, let's see how we fare today.  
  
* * *  
  
"KANPAI!!" Everyone clinks his or her glass against everyone else's.  
  
We're all at this Go convention cum winner's gala to commemorate our victory at the Hokuto Tournament. This is celebration part; the Go convention part comes later. There's even going to be a press conference to interview Hikaru, Yashiro, and I after this. We all came in and they gave us each a glass of juice. Many Go professionals are present today, as well as many people from the Ministry of Culture and Tourism, the organizers of this convention. Not many professionals are staying for the convention part, since the ministry only requested five and more have already volunteered. Besides us, Waya and Isumi, Ochi, Honda, Ogata-san, Morishita- san, Saeki and Ashiwara, and my father are staying. Of course, Kurata-san could hardly wait to further popularise himself and will definitely be staying, team manager or no. Plenty of people from the Go publicity department are around, just waiting for the press conference. The celebration is a private function, but the convention will be open to the public.  
  
The Minister of Culture and Tourism gives his speech. It is boring. I read the line-up for the day and decide that I am going to need a lot of entertaining today. Well, I guess that since my boyfriend is a perv, I won't have any trouble passing my time that way, but there's no way we can do that all day, right? I sigh. We have another five speeches to listen to, including Kurata-san's, before one of us is has to make a speech too. I glance at Hikaru who is busy talking to his friends from his junior high school. They weren't supposed to be allowed in, but well, the Honinbou and a Hokuto Cup winner's words carry pretty great weight and they were allowed in in the end. Yashiro is busy conversing with Tatsura and some people from the Kansai Go Institute.  
  
Hikaru's friends are LOUD, especially the tall guy with the fan. Hikaru said he was the Shougi club head back when he was in Haze. What was his name... Kaga? I don't know; I feel like the name's kind of familiar, but I just can't place it. He's with this guy who reminds me a bit of Isumi, just a bit taller and with glasses; Tsutsui, was it? Now Kaga is talking to Tatsura about Shougi. I look at them, feeling full force just how socially impaired I am. I really don't have any friends my age and I fell in love with the first one I got. So that leaves me with one lover and well, if I count Yashiro, then it's one friend and if I count Su-yon, then it's two, I guess. The rest are more Hikaru's friends, not mine. I wonder absently how Su-yon and Young-ha are doing. In the game after they resolved their issues, Hikaru beat the redhead by half a moku while Su-yon won against me by 1.5 moku. Young-ha didn't quite get to crush my lover after all. I smirk at the thought, then shrug. I'm probably going to be the one making the speech again this time. Those two... Well, let's just say that they won't be making the speech.  
  
Hikaru turns to smile at me and I smile back. I think he notices how very bored I am, since he beckons me over to his side. I trot over and he immediately puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close. Isumi, Waya, and Hikaru's other friends from his Insei days come over and Hikaru introduces everyone. I rest my head on my lover's shoulder and he tightens the arm around my waist briefly. The girl he introduced as Akari doesn't look too happy at the gesture of affection, despite Hikaru's having said that she was the guy called Mitani's girlfriend. I think she still has a crush on my lover; it was just that they have been practically living in different worlds since he became a Go professional and besides, she probably just found out today that her childhood friend was gay. Well, in any case, Hikaru's mine and I'm not about to share. I put my arm around Hikaru's waist possessively; the girl looks away, pretending to be interested in whatever the others are saying.  
  
Suddenly, we hear the MC calling us up on stage for the speech. I sigh resignedly as Hikaru gives me a hopeful look and Yashiro joins us as we make our way up to the stage. I flash the crowd a smile, as do my teammates, and walk over to the microphone with Hikaru and Yashiro behind me. The applause dies out and I say my long list of greetings. I used to be nervous whenever I had to speak in public, but I eventually got used to it after all the speeches and exhibitions I've done. I smile and begin the speech I had prepared mentally before Hikaru called me to him.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, it gives us all great pleasure to be here today to celebrate our winning of the Hokuto Cup. We are happy to have had the opportunity to participate in such a prestigious tournament and we are grateful for all your support. As you may well know, the Go world is a world of skill, a world where age is irrelevant to strength. Physical attributes mean little when the strength of mind is put to the test. Thus, the recent introduction of this international tournament for players below the age of eighteen has received more than its fair share of attention. Whereas in other tournaments the older and more experienced players have long since dominated and overshadowed the others, the age limit of the Hokuto Tournament allows younger and newer professionals to pit their skills against each other internationally and thus, gain increased recognition as the great players that they are. As such, we are proud to be the winners this year and to have raised again the name of our nation in this increasingly challenging and competitive world. My teammates and I hope for your continued support as we strive to further do all of you proud and we would like to encourage all the eligible professionals who did not make it to the tournament this year to grow stronger and try again next year. Thank you once again, ladies and gentlemen, for your all your support and... Aaahh!!" I collapse to my knees with a sharp cry of pain as white- hot liquid fire sears through my head.  
  
"Akira!!" Hikaru's voice seems to come from a great distance away.  
  
"Hi... ka... ru..." I call out softly before the darkness engulfs me completely.  
  
~Hikaru~  
  
"Akira!!" I call out, rushing to my lover's side. He's on his knees, clutching his head in obvious agony. The crowd is murmuring and many people look concerned. People are coming over to see what the problem is.  
  
"Hi... ka... ru..." he calls me softly, collapsing into my waiting arms. I pull him close.  
  
"Aki?! Aki?!" I shake him gently as I call his name frantically. "Aki!!" No response. I look up. "Someone! Anyone! Call an ambulance!!" I shout as loud as I can, close to panicking. Aki, you anal-retentive jerk, why do you always do this to me? I pull him closer and bury my face in his soft, sweet- smelling hair. His cologne smells wonderful, the scent of it a musky lavender. I'm warning you right now that if you die on me, 'Kira, I'll find a way to the other side to personally kill you a second time for it.  
  
A/N: Yay!! Cliffhangers! Oh well, not so yay for the readers, but I'll  
try to update soon. Hope you enjoyed it and please review all my fics!!  
Thank you for all your support! 


	12. Through the Looking Glass,The River Styx

Chapter 11: Through The Looking Glass The River Styx 

Akira

I blink sleepily. Wine-red velvet lined with gold greets my eyes about the same time as the scent of incense smoke greets my nose and what I think is gypsy music greets my ears. Beneath the intoxicating scent of the incense smoke, I smell something like salty dew... the scent of desert sand. Weird... I remember making a speech at this celebration gala for the Hokuto Cup victory, and then I recall... fainting. So, why am I lying in some sort of tent on a stack of carpets, covered up to my shoulders in a patchwork blanket, with a round cushion under my head? A hospital is likely, but this? I thus conclude that I am dreaming and my imagination has some really weird ideas on how dreams should be like. Or...

"Well, that was slow. I must have been terribly mistaken in the notion that Go players processed information very quickly."

That voice... It's familiar... Why?

"Likely because you've heard it before, Aki."

Recognition sinks into me of the way the owner reads my mind, the name by which he calls me, his almost annoying sarcasm, and his twisted sense of humour in making the blanket look like a collage of Go stones –it's made of black and white circles of cloth sewn together in a patchwork- and making the cushion beneath my head in the exact likeness of a black Go stone. Hell, even the carpet I'm lying on is designed to look like a Goban, complete with all nine of the hoshi in the correct places even.

I smile as I sit up and turn to face the person speaking to me. He is wearing a black cloak with a hood and is standing next to a table covered in wine-red silk. "Your sense of humour, Arika; I still don't like it," I inform him in mock testiness.

"Well, you've only got yourself to blame, remember?" he returns airily.

"Or so I am..." My sarcastic response is abruptly cut off as my reflection tosses the cloak off in a puff of smoke. I blink. Twice. Thrice. Four times, in fact. I am NOT seeing this.

He's wearing a dress.

A white and purple dress.

I think it's the dress I saw the gypsy heroine of the cartoon 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' wearing on the show's billboard advertisement a few years back.

Gold bangles.

Large golden hoops for earrings.

Hell, he's even got the little purple cloth tied over his hair.

And no, the worst is yet to come.

He also happens to be wearing a FILLER BRA.

"ARIKA!!!" I screech at the top of my voice. "What the... mm."

Soft lips press against my own. My eyes widen phenomenally. It's a chaste kiss and he backs off swiftly enough, but it had its desired effect: I am stunned speechless. Chaste or no, kissing yourself?

"Akira, Akira, Akira... Get that kilometre-long stick out of your ass, will you? I'm pretty, no?" He twirls around, smiling sweetly. The skirt rises with his movement.

"I..." Well... Actually, it is pretty... But that would mean that I... NO!!! I did NOT just think that I would... perish the thought!!

My other self laughs. "Come." He takes my hand in both of his and tugs me towards the table. "I want to show you something." I let him lead me to the nearest chair and take the deck of cards he passes me. I look at the back of the cards; black with silver symbols and golden inscriptions. Tarot cards, I believe. "Here, shuffle these," he tells me.

"You look pretty healthy for a part of my mind," I observe.

He arches an elegant eyebrow. "And why would being a part of your mind make me unhealthy? Last time I checked, your sanity was still pretty much intact. You haven't gotten any less anal-retentive, so to speak."

"Doesn't the tumour affect you?" I ask, ignoring the insult and unable to hide my sadness at the thought of said tumour.

"Akira, Akira... You are so bad at these concepts! Allow me to ameliorate your understanding. See, the self is a trinity of the flesh, the soul, and the spirit. The tumour is in your brain; I am in your mind. The brain is physical; the mind is in the soul. The brain allows you to think, but the mind in the soul is your conscious and your will, what causes the usage of the brain to think. Likewise, the physical heart is what pumps blood throughout your body, while the soul-heart is what gives you emotions. Of course, being all interlinked, they affect each other. However, unless some significant change occurs, the circumstances of one part do not directly affect the other two. In other words, the tumour hasn't had a sufficiently significant impact on your brain structure to change the way you think, and thus the way your mind and I work," Arika explains.

I nod. I think I understand.

He flashes me a brilliant smile as he sits down opposite me. I shuffle the cards obediently for about five times before he tells me to stop and relieves me of them. Arika closes his eyes and passes his right hand slowly over the deck before dealing seven cards face up in a curve.

"A horseshoe, Akira, horseshoe," he corrects me impatiently. "This is called the horseshoe spread."

I nod.

"Okay, so what do you know about Tarot cards? It's no fun if I tell you everything."

My first thought: Uh... They're cards?

The other me rolls his eyes.

"Um... Well... They help foretell the future. That is to say, they are a method of divination."

Arika nods and a long silence passes between us. Finally...

"That's it?! That's all you know?!" my reflection screeches incredulously.

I cringe and shrug.

"Ach, whatever. Never mind. You're hopeless." He looks away to the left and I follow his gaze to an hourglass standing on a rather tall plinth. Three quarters of the sand has already passed into the bottom half. "We are running out of time."

"For what?"

"To meet here like this, stupid. You're not in a coma, remember?"

"I am NOT stupid," I respond almost instantly.

"Not my argument," comes the reply as he spins the table around to face me. "Remember these cards. Remember them well. If someone can interpret them for you; that's good. Memorise them as you would a game, in order and whether or not they are reversed. He reads out the names of the cards for me: "The reversed Eight of Cups, The Two of Cups, The Knight of Swords, Death, The Devil, The Seven of Wands, and The World."

I stare at the cards, memorising both the images and the names. Even as I gaze at the seven pictures before me, the world grows hazy and begins to shift. From somewhere far away, I hear Arika telling me again to remember. The last thing I see is the eyes of The Devil staring straight back at me. It is frightening and yet mesmerizing at the same time, and I find myself unable to look away no matter how unnerved I am. I stare those sinister large black orbs until the entire world seems to spin inside and out and everything goes black and then all of a sudden, I am sitting bolt upright, gasping for breath in a hospital ward.

Hikaru

I look up as my boyfriend suddenly sits bolt upright on the hospital bed. For some strange and obscure reason, I'm more angry and annoyed than relieved at the moment.

"Hikaru..." he whispers my name softly.

"Well, look who decided to wake up and spare us all the anxiety," I declare loudly and irritably to the general public, rolling my eyes and knowing full well that I was being a total jerk.

"You make it sound like I wanted this to happen," he snaps back louder.

"I don't know. Maybe you do!" I very nearly shout this time.

"You don't mean that."

"This is –what?– the third time, Touya!!" I know I pressed a button there. I haven't called him by his last name in aeons.

"It's not like I do it on purpose, Shindou you jerk!!" he yells back at twice the volume.

That hurt. A lot. Especially because I knew it was true. "You're the jerk!!" But that didn't mean I was going to let him win the argument.

"No, you are!!"

We're back at a hundred and eighty decibels.

"You!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"This is a hospital; God damn it!!! Will you two just SHUT UP?!!" Yashiro shouts from behind, cutting us off.

We both fall silent, looking away from each other. I acquiesce that my Osaka friend has got a point. I steal a glance at my lover; he looks upset. I sigh softly to myself. I really shouldn't have been such a jerk and said all that. It's not even his fault in the first place. In one swift movement, I have him in my arms and my face buried in his soft hair. I still smell the scent of his cologne. It is faint and yet overwhelming in my heart. I nuzzle silken smoky gray-green strands, tightening my embrace.

"I'm sorry, Aki. It's not your fault, I know," I tell him sadly and quietly.

I feel his arms wrap around me as he leans into the hug. "It's okay. I know you're stressed out."

"Yeah, worrying over someone's sorry ass," I return with a soft chuckle. "Jerk," I add as an afterthought for good measure.

"I love you too," he replies condescendingly, briefly tightening his arms around me. "And trust you to worry about that part of all things, you perv."

"My sweet, sweet jerk, Touya Akira. Don't die," I tell him firmly.

"I don't want to," he whispers back. I grope his ass, grinning mischievously at his gasp. "Super perv," he accuses with a pout.

"And I love you," I respond in the same condescending tone he used on me a few moments ago.

"Hey, guys. If you're done with your little soap opera over there, you might want to shift your attention to the waiting doctor here," Waya's familiar voice cuts in with a snicker from where he is standing with Isumi-san, Yashiro, Tatsura, Ishikawa-san, Aki's parents, and Ogata-sensei.

I turn to give the brown-haired pro a dirty Look before shifting my gaze and attention to the slender blonde neurologist leaning against the door. She offers me a brief smile and a mental nudge before turning to my lover.

"You've been taking your medication properly?"

He nods. "Haven't missed it once."

Dr. Eventine turns to me. /He has?/

/Yeah, I made sure,/ I reply, taking Akira's hand in mine. I caress his soft smooth cool skin absently, still looking at the telepathic doctor intently.

She furrowed her elegant brows, looking puzzled. "Well, unfortunately, I have bad news. Somehow, and I would emphasize on the somehow, seeing as you have been taking the drugs properly, the tumour has grown. The operation has to be done immediately." She looks from Aki to me and back. "The documentation is ready and they'll prepare for surgery the instant I give the go ahead. All I need is you." As if on cue, another doctor comes in holding some documents with a nurse holding a tray with a syringe, a few needles, cotton swabs, and two bottles on it behind her. "This is Dr. Nayama Arashi, our resident anaesthetist and Wang Young-ju, the surgery's head nurse." The two newcomers nod at us politely but remain silent. The doctor has long straight dark hair, half of which is gathered into a clip behind her head, and striking amber eyes while the nurse has shoulder-length curly chestnut hair tied in a ponytail and smiling amethyst eyes. The telepath looks at us expectantly.

Akira and I exchange glances, murky green meeting clear emeralds. I don't think I'll ever see such sparkling green eyes again. I try to tell him that I love him just by my gaze alone and somehow, I think he understands. I see fear in his eyes, just barely concealed beneath that Go-prince-calm he always has around him. I want to comfort him, wipe it away, tell him that I'll protect him and that everything will be alright, but there really isn't anything that I can do except to let him know that I love him with all my heart and pray that he'll make it. I love you, I tell him wordlessly again and I can feel his love for me flowing back, reflected in those perfect emeralds I can't seem to sway my eyes away from.

His grip on my hand tightens and he turns back determinedly to the neurologist. "I'll do it," he declares with a conviction neither one of us feels.

She nods to the two newcomers and the doctor checks the documents. "The surgery will take approximately five hours all in all, then?" the anaesthetist checks with Dr. Eventine, her voice a deep and silken contralto.

The blonde nods, turning to face her colleague. "It must not last longer than that if possible. Complications might turn up." She looks grim.

"You're pretty when you're looking so stressed out like that, you know?"

"Not now, Arashi. I have neither the mood nor the time for your lesbian games. Let's not even bother with the oft-mentioned fact that I'm perfectly straight with a wonderful boyfriend that I'm happy being with; thank you very much. Now, will you please get on with your duties."

_Kiss me_, the Japanese mouthed to her British colleague.

_In your dreams_, the blonde mouthed back.

_I dream it all the time_, came the mouthed reply.

_Well, keep dreaming, yuri bitch. And maybe you should switch to dream-gazing as an occupation, seeing as your dreams are obviously much more pleasant than reality_, the neurologist retorted silently.

_Iria, my love, you're so hot all the time_. Dr. Arashi twirls a jet-black lock around her finger and her amber eyes glint in obvious obsession. _Suki da yo_. (I like that. 1)

I begin to seriously doubt the woman's sanity and whether or not Aki is safe in her hands. I note that the nurse is looking sympathetically at the Englishwoman.

The blonde obviously picked up on that thought, since she sends me a reassuring thought despite never having turned away from her colleague. /Don't worry. Her professionalism and skill at least, I can count on. And since Akira-kun here is a boy, there shouldn't be a problem./

/Why don't you try fixing her mind off you?/ I ask curiously. /Since it bothers you so much.../

/Don't you think I'd have tried? I've already attempted to twist her thoughts away several times. Trust me, she falls right back into this insane obsession she's got for me./ The thought is laced with frustration.

/Well, maybe you girls are meant for each other,/ I offer reasonably.

/Don't be ridiculous. I love my boyfriend; thank you very much. I also happen to be extremely attracted to hot guys in general./

/Oh, well... Just offering a possibility./

She doesn't respond, choosing instead to glare at the other doctor in front of her. "Just do your job, Dr. Nayama," she tells the raven-haired lady firmly before pushing past and leaving the ward.

The anaesthetist sighs. "I always fall for the hard-to-get type." She turns to measure the anaesthetic accordingly.

Meanwhile, Aki looks as if he suddenly remembered something important and beckons to Tatsura. The dark-haired Shougi pro approaches and inclines his head questioningly.

"Tatsura-san, do you know about Tarot cards?" he asks.

Tarot cards? Since when was my lover interested in these weird New Age stuff? I give him a peculiar Look that he conveniently ignores.

"Tarot cards? Of course; I recently started giving readings actually. See? I have my own deck," he replies easily, producing a small black silk bag and taking out a deck of cards from it. The backs of the cards are dark blue in colour with gold and silver stars on them.

"Well, could you tell me the meaning of some of them? I had a dream," my lover requests.

"Sure. Here," Tatsura hands Aki the cards. "Pick them out and we'll see what we can do."

My lover pulls the wheeled table at the foot of the bed closer and proceeds to rifle through the cards. At length, he picks out seven cards and places them in a curve on the table.

Tatsura leans over to have a look. "Ah, so you even know the spread and which ones are reversed. Well, then it shouldn't be a problem. Hm... Let's see... The reversed Eight of Cups... You've been running from your problems, I see. You seem quite the type to be in denial anyway," the Shougi pro. "Hm... So right now you're having a harmonious relationship, huh? I guess that means Hikaru and you... Hidden influences... This would represent someone... It seems to be Hikaru, I think... Impetuous, fast-moving, easily bored, huh? So, your obstacle is Death. Well, that usually means a major change in life, but in your case, I think we can take that literally."

Death? Literally? The cards are predicting that Akira's going to die?

"Attitudes of others... The Devil? Hm... Materialism? No, no... I don't think so. Doesn't look like it at all. Probably means unbreakable bonds, hm? Between you and Hikaru... You and your family... Yeah, that sounds more like it. As for what you should do... Well, basically, this card tells you to stand your ground. Be resolute and firm and don't give an inch, and then you'll triumph over great odds. And from this outcome card, it seems like you're going to make it. The World means that all the battles are over and triumph is yours. Looks like you'll have a happy ending then!" Tatsura finishes cheerfully. "However, four out of the seven cards here are of the Minor Arcana. That means that your destiny is mostly in your own hands and that this prediction is mostly based on what you do. So, I guess, as long as you stay firm and resolute, you'll end up on top," he adds in warning.

Akira and I exchange glances and my lover smiles at me. "Well, looks like I'll have a happy ending," he tells me.

Well, let's hope the predictions are accurate then. "Since when were you into these New Age stuff?" I ask instead, keeping my doubts to myself.

"I'm not."

"Touya Akira's on a New Age fad..." I sing out teasingly.

"Am not," my boyfriend protests, pouting adorably.

"Are to..." I continue in the same sing-song voice. "Let's tell the Weekly Go! It'll be news, man! I mean, listen to this: Go Prince reads Tarot Cards; does he predict his games? Smashing headlines, I'm telling you," I tell Waya, Isumi, and Yashiro, chortling away to myself.

Isumi turns a chuckle into a cough. Waya snickers inconsiderately. Yashiro just looks amused. Aki is glaring daggers at me even as the nurse takes his arm and dabs a wet cotton swab on the front of his elbow. The ebony-haired doctor has finished measuring the anaesthetic and now that Akira has had his future told, she's going to put him to sleep. I watch as Dr. Arashi squirts a little liquid out of the syringe both to test it and to get the air out if there's any in it. Then, she walks over to where the nurse is holding out my boyfriend's arm. Since Aki is quite fair and slender, she has no problems finding a plump vein to inject into and doesn't need a tourniquet. She jabs him and my lover flinches. A moment later it's over and the nurse helps Akira to lie back down.

Dr. Arashi turns to leave but pauses at the door. "Say your last 'I love you's. They'll come for him soon," she tells us before exiting the ward.

I watch as one after another, everyone in the ward goes over and gives my beautiful Aki hugs and kisses. Finally, I approach him last.

"Hey..."

"No," he cuts in. "Let me say it. I'll make it for you, okay?"

I smile at him. "Un. I love you, my sweet anal-retentive jerk." I lean down and press my lips to his, kissing him thoroughly. When we break off, he already looks drowsy from the anaesthetic. "Go to sleep, 'Kira, and when you wake up, everything's going to be wonderful," I tell him.

He looks me in the eye one last time before sliding his eyes shut. "Aa. I love you too, perv."

And then, he's asleep and nurses come in as if on cue to take him to the emergency room. They move him on to the mobile bed they brought along and I follow them as they wheel him there until they go through the double doors and I can't follow any further. I watch as the rest of the people from the ward settle themselves in the chairs outside the emergency room and consider joining them, but then I realize that I'm tired, so tired. No, sod that; I'm exhausted. I ignore everyone's questioning looks and make my way back to Aki's ward. Letting myself in, I survey the now vacant bed. Well, since it's vacant now... I walk over and flop back gracelessly on to it and curl up under the sheets. There's a slightly sick medical smell to it but the familiar scent of musky lavender covers much of that. I slide my eyes shut as I feel sleep beckon and allow the scent of my lover's cologne to rock me into peaceful slumber.

Akira

If there was a way to tell you how I feel 

_without saying a word_

_Would you know it's real?_

_When the sun is shining bright_

_but I can't see the light_

_Your hand will guide my way_

_and help me step forward._

Mm... The smell of spring grass... I open my eyes... White clouds, blue sky, soft breeze... It's a clear day. Where am I? I sit up and look around. I'm on a hill; it's green, the most perfect carpet of grass covers it. It seems like the best day in spring today and I seem to have slept it away. To my right, this hill descends into a meadow carpeted with the same green grass and dotted with lovely yellow flowers. To my left, it descends into a river with waters as sparkling and clear as the finest crystal. Across the river, there is a serene-looking forest; the tree-leaves are all bright green and there are none on the ground. It's definitely the best day in spring.

I stand slowly and make my way towards the meadow. It appears to be nearer than it first seemed; it only takes a few steps for me to find myself surrounded by hundreds of yellow flowers. I kneel and finger a buttercup gently with my thumb. The breeze is sweet with the scent of flowers, fresh, and cool as it blows past and I try to remember the last time I have felt such a pleasant breeze... only to find that I can't remember anything. For some strange reason, however, the realization that I have lost my memory seems neither peculiar nor disturbing in the least.

_I'm walking through the snow_

_Chasing a butterfly_

_And I don't really know_

_why I want to cry_

_Perhaps you can tell me why_

Suddenly, I notice a black, yellow, and green butterfly resting on a sunflower nearby. I blink, and then the pretty insect takes flight. It flies past me and for some obscure reason I feel that I should chase it... like there's something important about it that I just can't seem grasp at the moment. I rise and tear after it as fast as I can as it flies in the direction of the river. I run as fast as I can, but somehow it seems to almost be taunting me by flying just out of my reach but never more than a few inches away from the fingertips of my outstretched hand. I am almost at the edge of the water when I catch sight of something that makes me stop short.

_I'm walking through the looking glass_

_Wondering where I should really be_

_Funny how we don't see_

_what's clearer than the sea_

_Through the looking glass_

_Reflected back at me_

_I know you are the better part of me._

_Reflected in the looking glass_

_are the things I should have known_

_Funny how obvious_

_things become when they are shown_

_Through the looking glass_

_are signs I should have seen_

_I want to go back to how we've always been._

There is someone standing on the opposite bank. He –at least I think it's a 'he'– is dressed in a long white robe with purple trimmings, something from the time of the Heian Dynasty, I believe. Somehow, that strikes a chord in me even if I have absolutely no idea why. His long purple hair billows in the wind and the soft sweet scent of wisteria permeates the air. He is a holding a fan that seems strangely familiar to me although nothing in particular seems to be coming to mind.

Time seems to stand still as I find myself staring transfixed at him. He is smiling gently, lips covered with purple lipstick and face almost feminine in appearance. Even as I look at him, he shakes his head slowly. I wonder what he means; a shake of the head can have many meanings, especially if you happen to be standing at a riverbank doing... well, nothing else. Puzzling. I take a step back; perhaps he means that I shouldn't cross the river. The smile widens and he nods encouragingly. I guess that means that I was right in my assumption. I step back further and watch as he mouths some words to me.

_It has yet to be your time. _Strange... I can almost hear his soft voice in my head as clearly as if he really was speaking in my mind.

All of a sudden, his face contorts in the perfect image of horror and I realize why an instant later. The whole ground seems to give way beneath me and I scream for help as I begin to fall towards the river, the water of which has suddenly blackened, but I can't seem to hear my own voice. He looks pale and terribly sad as he begins to fade and the forest on the other bank suddenly turns dark and even as I watch, the beautiful green trees gnarl up, shrivel, blacken, and die before my very eyes. I turn and quickly grab on to something, anything. The landscape has abruptly turned into a cliff overlooking a black river and a now desolate bank on the other side. I know I'm going to fall. I just know it.

"SOMEBODY!! HELP!! DAREKA!! TASUKETE!!!" I scream as loudly as I can, but all I hear is silence.

(Narration)

Meanwhile, in the emergency room...

"Dr. Eventine!!"

The blonde neurologist looked up from where she had been carefully removing a mass of tissue from her patient's brain at the sound of the surgery's head nurse's voice. The beautiful boy's heart rate was steadily dropping.

"Shit," she cursed softly. Only two and a half hours had passed. She had just begun to remove the tumour and already there were complications. "Do it," she told the nurses, moving the tools away. She didn't want anything to accidentally damage any normal brain tissue; a few cells' death could cause much more damage than there already was. The hospital's blood bank thankfully had plenty of his type. The blood was steadily being siphoned into his bloodstream to compensate for the loss of blood the operation was causing.

The nurses immediately prepared to attempt jumpstarting his heart. Meanwhile, Iria Eventine reached to find a familiar mind. She found Shindou Hikaru sleeping in his lover's hospital bed and immediately pulled his mind and her patient, Touya Akira's, together. She secured the link firmly, let go, and prayed to God for the first time in aeons.

/Please help me save him, Lord, please.../ She thought it really ought to make God sit up and listen for once. The one time she decided to turn to divine help and she wasn't even doing it for herself. Heh, it was almost amusing.

The nurses made their first attempt at getting a heartbeat. A response, and then zero again.

The telepath smiled wanly. /Looks like we're counting on you then, Shindou-kun./

Second attempt, and the red numbers still stubbornly refused to change. Iria Eventine simply slid her eyes shut.

Hikaru

_I say what's in my heart_

_I thought that's always true_

_But when it comes to you_

_I think I lied right from the start_

_Far, far up ahead_

_I see the stones you paved for me_

_I don't know where I'd be_

_without the things you said._

Grass. I'm lying face down in the grass. Why am I lying face down in the grass? Wait... Since when were hospital beds covered in grass? That was most definitely where I fell asleep. I pick myself up and dust myself off. I'm still wearing the same thing that's for sure. Well, at least I didn't bring the coat with me to this sunny place wherever it is. I'm dreaming; I just know I am, like the time I saw Sai. I look around. It is quite a beautiful place. I have been lying on a meadow covered with fresh green grass and dotted with all manner of yellow flowers. How beautiful... the breeze blows past me, smelling of dew and flowers. I wish Akira was here to see this with me.

"AAARRRHHHH!!!!" a blood-curdling scream of terror jars me from the serenity of my surroundings. I look up. Was that...?

"SOMEBODY!! HELP!! DAREKA!! TASUKETE!!!"

Akira. The owner of the screaming voice hits me with the force of a tsunami. Aki is in trouble. I immediately run towards the source of the sound. It seems to be coming from over the hill. I tear over the hill as fast as I can and arrive at a riverbank. The water is black and across the river, the forest is dead, dark, gnarled, and desolate.

"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!" the scream comes again, echoing faintly.

I look around and find that the riverbank rises up to my left to become a cliff. That's it! A cliff! That's why his voice is echoing! I sprint up the rise as swiftly as my legs will carry me. Somehow, I feel like I'll never reach the top, but Aki... He needs me; I know it. Even if it's a dream, what happens here will somehow be important and I know it. With that conviction, I race up the rise and upon reaching the top, run to the edge of the cliff and look down.

"Akira!!"

Akira

_I see us side by side_

_But that's the stuff of dreams_

_I know deep down inside_

_though my dreams abide_

_The truth's not what it seems._

"Akira!!"

I look up. Akira... is that me? The person that meets my gaze seems important and familiar although I have absolutely no idea why. Black hair with a bleached-blonde fringe. Murky green eyes with a breathtaking intensity. Someone...

He reaches out to me. "Aki, take my hand!!" he shouts. "Hurry!! It won't hold for much longer!!" I realize he is referring to the chunk of outcropping I am holding on to. Even as I look at it, it loosens slightly. I almost reach for his hand, but hesitate. I look up at him again. "'Kira..." he says softly, voice thick with emotion. Murky green orbs gaze back at me.

Love.

Trust.

Eternity.

Hikaru.

Hikaru.

That's all I need.

I reach up and grab my lover's hand even as all the memories come rushing back all of a sudden. A glance downward and I regret it immediately as giddiness overtakes me at the sheer distance I could have had to fall. The outcropping falls below me as Hikaru pulls me up and drags me into a leg-breaking sprint. We run like the wind down the incline of the cliff. Behind us the cliff begins to collapse; the rumbling of rocks seems to always be at our heels no matter how fast we run and I just don't want to look back. I can almost feel the land giving way beneath my feet sometimes and the sick sense of déjà vu that accompanies it is nothing short of unpleasant.

I absently wonder how Hikaru came to be here, but find that line of thought cut short rather abruptly as the river's black waters suddenly rise to flood the land. I allow myself to be dragged by my lover as he veers sharply to the right and I find myself running up the hill I woke up on after him. The next thing I know, we're deep in the meadow and the feeling of danger is gone as swiftly as it came. Hikaru stops short unexpectedly and I bump hard into him, knocking the breath out of both our lungs as we both fall and go rolling over hundreds of yellow flowers. The next instant, I find myself in his arms and we eventually roll to a stop, panting heavily.

_I see you in the looking glass_

_Your sweet eyes gazing back at me_

_Funny how I never saw_

_things that I was meant to see_

_Through the looking glass_

_My favourite fantasy_

_The days I saw when you were here with me._

_Still staring at the looking glass_

'_cause I Can't seem to sway my eyes_

_Funny how tears surface_

_when we say our goodbyes_

_Through the looking glass_

_It's there for all to see_

_The sparkle in my eyes when you smile at me._

"'Kira..." he whispers breathlessly.

"How did you get here?" I ask my lover curiously as we both try to catch our breath.

"I don't know. I just woke up here, sort of."

"Same way I did, then."

_I know what the mirror knows_

_With black there must be white_

_No matter how tomorrow goes_

_I know we're meant to be_

_There's only you and me tonight_

_So swear right now to me_

_You'll be wherever I will be._

"Aa. You know?"

"Hm?"

"There's no world without you."

I smile as he turns to look at me. "I know. There's no world without you either."

He smiles back at me. "Let's go home, Aki."

I give him a questioning look. "Huh?"

He turns and points at a nearby cottage that must have just appeared out of the blue since I didn't notice it before. It has white brick walls, a small red brick chimney, and what appears to be a straw roof. There is also a small oak door with small square windows are on either side of it. The cottage looks warm and cosy and welcoming. "Let's go home," he repeats.

I nod. "Un." We stand together and walk towards the cottage hand in hand. He leads me through the door and the floor just seems to give way an instant before... darkness.

(Narration)

Iria Eventine felt the mental buzz an instant before the numbers on the monitor began to steadily rise in value after the nurses' fourth attempt at getting a pulse. She smiled and prepared to return to work. Apparently, love did change everything and God did listen when one prayed. Heh, there went her excuse for being a cynic. Well, whatever will be will be or 'que sera sera' as the Italians say. That was one more life saved today. Of course, there was nothing to say that her patient wouldn't die after the operation, but that was another thing altogether, another day altogether. She'd consider that later.

/Well, looks like Shinigami will have to be a tad more patient with you then,/ she thought as she resumed removing the rest of tumour's tissue.

Hikaru

_I can't find the looking glass_

_showing the things I want to see_

_Funny how things are missed_

_when they can no longer be_

_Through the looking glass_

_Just one instant of bliss_

_I only want you here again with me._

Two weeks. That's how long it has been since the surgery. Akira has just been moved out of the ICU and is back in the ward he had before the operation. I listen absently as the doctor prattles on about his progress, my eyes never leaving his still form; no progress is progress if he isn't waking up right now.

/What a pessimist... If you don't want to listen, the others do. And I DON'T prattle,/ a familiar voice speaks into my head.

I look up at the blonde neurologist. She looks rather annoyed.

/Damn straight, I am./

It still slips my mind sometimes that she can hear what I'm thinking.

/Well, you'd better keep that in mind then,/ she tells me with a pointed look. Then, the look softens slightly. "He'll wake up soon. I'm sure he misses all of you. His body just needs time to heal, you know?" she says aloud for everyone's benefit.

I nod without checking for the others' responses. They don't matter; nothing matters if he doesn't wake up. Dr. Eventine leaves the ward and I continue to stare at him. The horrid bandages are still in place. They had to shave off his beautiful hair to perform the surgery. I absently wonder if he'll put himself on self-imposed curfew again upon waking up to find himself bald. I almost chuckle at the thought, then slide my eyes shut. I still see all those times we spent together.

Playing Go at his father's salon for the first time back when Sai was still here.

Our second game and his despair.

Playing at the junior high inter-school tournament at Kaiou and his disappointment.

His absence at what should have been our first game as two professionals.

Him asking why I stopped playing after Sai left.

Our game at the Meijin preliminaries.

All our Dan games together at the Go Institute.

Both of us with Yashiro at the first Hokuto Cup Tournament.

Japan's loss to both China and Korea and his comforting presence.

The accident and the amnesia.

Shopping... Ryuuichi's kiss and him blushing madly.

The concert, the J-rocker outfit, the circus, the sex paraphernalia shop.

The visit to Kaiou and him regaining his memories.

The self-imposed curfew.

The night we found out about the tumour and the beginning of our relationship.

The train and the ship.

The second Hokuto Cup and our first time.

The taste of his mouth, his skin, a taste that is his alone...

_Fixing the broken looking glass_

_To see again my dreams_

_Funny how the heart is sad_

_When life should make it glad_

_Through the looking glass_

_Where nothing's what it seems_

_I still see all the things that we once had._

"We're here, Aunt Kasumi!" I am startled out of my reverie by the sound of a familiar voice, thick with Osaka accent, and immediately open my eyes and sit up.

"Yashiro!"

My friend comes in, smiling. I return the smile wanly as the High Priestess of Inari enters the ward after her nephew and Tatsura walks in two steps behind her. Maybe she has several sets of the same clothing, since I don't see anything different about her. The aura around her is as strong as ever and her regal bearing still commands respect from those around her.

"Kasumi-sama," I acknowledge at almost the same time the others do, all of us lowering our heads.

"The blessings of my mistress be upon all who worship," she replies, her voice seeming to hang in the air as always.

All eyes are on her as she comes to my lover's bedside and gazes down at his still form. Suddenly, she tilts her head slightly as if listening to something. A moment later, she turns to the door expectantly. I wonder why an instant before the door opens to reveal the answer. Iria Eventine enters, bows her head slightly, and holds out a pack of clear liquid with a questioning look. They appear to have a silent conversation for a few minutes before the blonde walks around the bed to put the pack on the IV drip.

"You'd better be sure about this," she tells the priestess pointedly. "If it isn't used up quickly, the sudden addition of glucose into the bloodstream will alter the osmotic pressure and cause the crenation of his red blood cells."

The other lady merely inclines her head in reply; perhaps she said something telepathically.

The neurologist finishes the task at hand and stands back. "Your call," she pronounces at length.

High Priestess Toukou Kasumi simply smiles and places her left hand on my lover's forehead and her right over his heart. "Oh, Lady Inari, my mistress, great Goddess of Life, I call upon your Life, Power, and Grace. Heal your child, great Lady," she prays softly. As if on cue, her hands begin to glow with a soft white light. The light increases in intensity and slowly envelopes my beautiful Aki. I stare, awestruck, in utter amazement at her. Then, the light fades and she lifts her hands from him. She nods and Dr. Eventine quickly removes the IV tube on Akira.

"You can remove the bandages too. They are no longer necessary," the priestess tells the telepath aloud. I notice just the slightest signs of strain near her eyes. I blink and they are gone. Perhaps I was dreaming; she seems just fine now.

The blonde nods and begins removing said bandages. I notice the flicker of motion and pinch myself to convince myself that I am not dreaming an instant before immediately moving towards my beloved Aki in one fluid motion even as everyone else notes the stir. Closed lids flutter open and a much-missed emerald-green gaze meets my own seconds before I have him in my arms with my face buried in his pillow. I feel the absence of his hair so strongly, but no matter, he can grow it back.

/Or wear a wig. I know some really good places for things like that. You can even get the same shade he had,/ a mischievous voice teases lightly in my head.

I ignore that and am answered by a cheerful mental laugh.

"You saved me," a loved and familiar voice whispers next to my ear.

I really don't care who saved who. Today has got to be the best day of my life.

Akira

"I look horrible," I tell my lover. We are both standing before the mirror in my room staring critically at my reflection in it a week after I woke up in the hospital ward. We're going for this little party our friends are holding in memory of my recovery and I really do look awful without my hair.

"Oh, stop being a prick, 'Kira! You sound like a girl now!!" Hikaru admonishes in exasperation. "Just keep it on and let's go!!"

Before I can look in the mirror and adjust the cap one more time, my boyfriend is already dragging me out of the room, down the stairs, and out my front door with little more than a passing 'itte kimasu' to my parents en route. He continues to drag me out the gate and onto the road before I finally decide that I can walk perfectly fine by myself, thank you very much, dig my heels in to stop stock still, and proceed to tell him that very literally.

"I can walk perfectly fine by myself, thank you very much and absolutely no thanks at all really."

"Right," he drawls with a snicker. "Like you were going to stop fussing about your appearance like a whiny sissy if I didn't drag you away from that mirror."

"I did not sound WHINY and I am not a SISSY!!"

"Yes, you did," he argues pointedly.

"Did not!!"

"Did to!!"

"DID NOT!!"

"DID TO!!"

"BAKA!!"

"VAIN!!"

Here we go again, even as we make our way to Waya's apartment.

"JERK!!"

"SISSY!!"

"I AM NOT A SISSY!!"

A hundred and eighty decibels...

"YES, YOU ARE!!!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TO!!"

"AM NOT!!!"

"ANAL-RETENTIVE!!"

"BASTARD!"

This argument is pointless, pointless, pointless... But that doesn't mean I'm going to let him win it.

"STUPID!!"

"I AM NOT STUPID!!" I shout back before I can even think, let alone help myself.

"YES, YOU ARE!!"

"NO, I'M NOT!!"

Everyone is staring at us as we walk into the austere apartment building and begin climbing up the stairs as the argument once again deteriorates into a childish 'yes-no' quarrel.

"ARE TO!!"

"AM NOT!!"

"ARE TO!!!"

"AM NOT!!!"

We might actually have hit two hundred decibels this time; I don't know.

"YES!!!"

"NO!!!"

"YES!!!"

"NO!!!"

"WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT UP??!!!" two voices shout down the corridor at us in unison.

Both Hikaru and I look up at precisely the same time with sheepish looks on our faces to face a very annoyed Yashiro and a glowering Waya, both leaning out the door of Waya's apartment. We quickly and silently enter the apartment unit with the two very miffed boys behind us.

"I don't know where you two live, but I have neighbours, you know," Waya declares irritably.

Well, yeah, I don't blame him, considering the din we were making out there, but it's all Hikaru's fault...

"IT IS NOT MY FAULT, 'KIRA! IT'S YOURS!" my lover snaps at me.

I blink. I am pretty sure I did not say that out loud... and judging by the confounded looks on everyone else's faces, I'm pretty sure they didn't hear it either, but... "YES, Hikaru, IT IS YOUR FAULT! YOU STARTED IT!!" That doesn't mean that I'm going to take it lying down.

"NO, YOU DID!!"

"NO, YOU!!"

"YOU!!"

"YOU!!"

"YOU!!!"

"For the last time, SHUT UP, GODDAMMIT!!!" Yashiro yells at us in exasperation. "You two sound like you're married already!!!"

I blink. Gee, that brings back memories.

"No, we sound like we're parents," Hikaru corrects him smoothly.

That's when I burst out laughing hysterically. The peculiar looks on their faces only make the whole situation that much more hilarious as I realize absently that most of them have probably never heard me laugh before, let alone hysterically. That probably just put their view of Touya Akira in a whole new perspective.

"I'd like to know the difference?" It's Isumi's turn to ask.

My boyfriend stifles a chuckle and smirks as he explains for the second time thus far. "Married couples only argue about each other. Parents," he said slowly, as if everyone was really that slow. "argue about everything," he finishes smugly.

Everybody decides the better of commenting and I decide that I should know something. "Is everyone here?" I question, scanning the room and finding only Waya, Isumi, Yashiro, and Tatsura besides Hikaru and I.

"Well, I tried to invite Ochi, but well... he said he had an earlier engagement," Isumi informs me.

"Heh, I'm sure he just didn't want to come here and loosen up and have fun. He struck me as to being utterly anal-retentive. I mean, I don't know, Touya, but if you have a tree up your ass, then I'm rather inclined to think he's got a whole damn forest up his," Yashiro comments offhandedly.

Everyone blinks for a moment and then we all start snickering.

"Yeah, but I don't think that's the real reason Ochi declined to come," Waya inputs with a smirk. "He's obviously got the hots for Touya, here," he continues, indicating me with histrionic drama.

"He does not," I protest.

"Yes, he does. You have no idea how he looks at you, man!"

"I... He..." I start.

"Well, that is kind of true... I have seen the way he looks at you, 'Kira; like... like... like he wants to swallow you whole and keep you all to himself or something!!" my boyfriend-rival chips in unhelpfully.

Everyone laughs and I jab Hikaru in the ribs irritably. "Hikaru! Whose side are you on?" I whine. Freeze-frame. The laughter stops. Everything stops. They probably never thought I was capable of whining either.

"Japan's, 'Kira, Japan's," he mimics back perfectly.

I whack him half-heartedly on the shoulder with a pillow for it.

"Pillow fight!!" someone yells in the background and the small gathering rapidly descends into insanity and something close to pandemonium.

"That really was you back then, wasn't it?" I ask, lying beside Hikaru later that night in his room. The stars are beautiful jewels high up in the clear night sky that can be seen out of the window beside the bed.

"Hm?" he responds absently.

"The dream, or whatever it was," I clarify.

His eyes light up in sudden understanding. "Aa."

"You saved me," I state, a grateful lilt to my voice to indicate that the statement was meant as a 'thank you'.

He simply tightens the arm around my waist and remains silent, gazing out the window at the off-white half-moon hanging in the sky.

"I met someone else in there though," I continue.

This rouses his interest. He shifts his attention to me and gives me a curious look. "Who?"

"I don't know. He had long purple hair... The scent of wisteria hung in the air..." His eyes widen. "Heian Dynasty's robes... Purple lipstick..." The recognition that suddenly lights his eyes is surprised and yet nostalgic all at once.

"I see you met Sai," he tells me with a wistful smile.

"That was Sai?"

"Aa. What did he say? What did he do?" There is a kind of intensity in his eyes... A need to know, to hear something, anything important. I'm almost jealous.

"Nothing. He didn't say anything. He just tried to help me. I was chasing a butterfly and running towards the river. He was on the other side and he told me not to get into the river."

"I thought you said he didn't say anything."

"He didn't. He just shook his head slowly and I just somehow understood. After that, I heard this voice in my head... I don't know if it was him or not, but it said that it wasn't my time yet."

"And then?"

"And then the river bank somehow became a cliff and you came in."

"Ah..." He looks somewhat disappointed. A long silence stretches between us before he finally continues. "I wished he had said something... anything that might have meant that he was happy wherever he was."

"Aa." I hesitate. "But there's nothing you can do about that."

"No, there isn't," he agrees, looking out at the stars once more. A thoughtful pause and then his attention is once again on me. "So I guess I should work on the things I can do something about," he concludes, reaching out to caress my cheek gently.

"Aa." I smile. "You know, what you said in the dream?"

"Hm?"

"Tada ima." _I'm home, Hikaru._

"Okaeri nasai." _We both are._

I snuggle closer to him and he tightens his embrace around me, both of us feeling complete in each other's company, in the love we somehow managed to find through the countless battles amidst the nine stars. Yes, I'm home at last. The only home there ever will be for me is beside you. My rival, my love, my Hand of God... Shindou Hikaru, that's who you will always be for me.

_Through the looking glass_

_Reflected back at me_

_I know you are the better part of me._

Owari

A/N: Sorry for the long wait and sorry if the story seems a little rushed. I've just been really busy lately and I'd like to impress once more it upon those that thought I was abandoning this story: **I don't abandon stories.** My muses just run away sometimes. I only scrap stories when I think they really suck. I usually finish the ones I like enough to publish. Anyway, I hope I have succeeded in bringing this fic to a satisfying conclusion. I'd also like to thank all my reviewers and readers for all the wonderful comments and just for reading my humble work... You guys make all the bad grades, hard work, and all-nighters worth it!! To more fanfics and time to write them!! To good reviews, constructive criticism, and wonderful, WONDERFUL reviewers!! Kanpai!! Cheers!! Yeah, way to go guys and hope you all enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'd make a list of all my reviewers, but I really should get down to studying... my grades are going down the drain (I wonder if they have reached the sewage processing plant yet). Just for the benefit of being an obsessed fan girl of Fuji Syuusuke from Prince of Tennis, I've just got to do this: FUJIKO-CHAN!!! heartheartsparkles Fuji... Yeah, so that's done it. I hope you will continue to read my fics and enjoy them. I'll probably get down to finishing Akirella in December and hopefully recall the plot I had in mind for Itami No Melody so that I can finally make progress with it. Three cheers for a good ending to a good thing and please wish me the best of luck in my exams... I definitely need as much as I can get my hands on!! Thank you all again and see you in the next fic!!


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